Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, June 12 ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award 100 shots fired in driveby ___________________________________________________ History on this day, June 11, in 1897, Carl Elsener patented his penknife. The object later became known as the Swiss army knife. ___________________________________________________ Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up. --- James Magary We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be. --- Kurt Vonnegut (1922 - 2007) ___________________________________________________ A young woman was suffering badly from hay fever. She was going to a fancy dinner party that night and figured she would need at least two handkerchiefs to get her through the evening. She didn't have any pockets, so she stuffed them both in her bra. Halfway through the night, she had already used up one handkerchief and was rummaging around in her bra for the other one. She was having trouble finding it, and soon she noticed that everyone at the table was looking at her. "What on earth are you doing?" asked one of her colleagues. She replied, "I could have sworn I had two when I arrived." Offering to find it for her did not go over very well. ___________________________________________________ At the Hebrew School, the Rabbi finished the day's lesson and it was time for the usual question period. "Rabbi?" asked Alan, "there's something I need to know." "What's that my child?" asked the Rabbi. "Well, according to Scripture, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?" "Right." "And the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?" "Uh-right." "And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?" "Again, you are correct," agreed the Rabbi. "So what is your question?" "What I need to know is this," said Alan. "What were the grown-ups in Israel doing while their children did all the work?" ___________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Jorge de Jesus Rubio, 21, MESA, Ariz. USA  100 shots fired in Mesa driveby shooting  A man has been arrested after nearly 100 gunshots were fired in a Mesa neighborhood back in May, police said. On May 15, officers visited a neighborhood near Alma School and Broadway Road on a shooting call and discovered 98 bullets scattered within a quarter-mile radius on one street. "Of the 98 spent rounds, officers discovered several different types: 9mm, .40 caliber, and .223/ 5.56 assault rifle casings," police said in a statement. An investigation revealed that a victim had been hosting a house party in the area and had turned away a 21-year-old man for his behavior at another party back in March. The 21-year-old, identified as Jorge de Jesus Rubio, reportedly was armed with a handgun and that he was accompanied by another man carrying an assault rifle. When the two were denied entrance, they went back to their vehicle. "A witness told officers they watched gunfire come from the vehicle as it drove away south on Stewart and then west on Vine Ave," police said. Officers said there were several people, including children, in the victim's home when the shooting broke out. Two bullet holes were reportedly found on the victim's house and another one on a relative's car. Almost two weeks later, Rubio was pulled over for doing donuts in his car at a Phoenix intersection. A search revealed an empty gun case, a loaded handgun and an unspecified amount of ammunition. Mesa police officers served a search warrant for access to Rubio's car the next day and found various types of ammunition, including "two boxes of different brands of 9mm ammunition, a 22 round magazine containing two .40 caliber rounds, loose 9mm ammunition, and an empty Glock gun box." The 21-year-old was arrested on June 8 and faces drive-by shooting and weapons misconduct charges. ___________________________________________________ While working in a clothing store, I noticed that people had no shame about returning items that obviously had been worn. One rainy morning I walked in and found a discolored blazer hanging on the rack with other returns. "People return the most filthy, nasty things," I commented to my supervisor who was standing nearby. Eyebrow raised, she said, "That's my jacket." ___________________________________________________ if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ A group of women were talking together. One woman said, "Our congregation is sometimes down to 30 or 40 on a Sunday." Another said: "That's nothing. Sometimes our congregation is down to six or seven." A lady in her seventies added her bit, "That's not so bad. In our church it is bad! It's so bad in our church on Sundays that when the minister says 'dearly beloved,' it makes me blush!" ____________________________________________________   Doug McQueen 06/10/2022 first Yellow-headed Blackbird of the year for me ___________________________________________________ "You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in common," said the new tenant's neighbor. "Why on earth did you get married?" "I suppose it was the old business of 'opposites attract'," was the reply. "He wasn't pregnant and I was." ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ Essential Guide to Women's English: Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I'm sorry = You'll be sorry We need = I want It's your decision = You will be sorry, no matter which way you decide Do what you want = You'll pay for this later We need to talk = I need to complain Sure go ahead = You will be sorry if you do I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron Be romantic, turn out the lights = I feel flabby This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive How much do you love me? = I did something really stupid today I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me Are you listening to me!? = Don't expect reason or logic from this point on ____________________________________________________ At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant. "Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you," she said. Then, returning to reality, she added, "But, if the big, dumb klutz is in the restaurant ordering his steak or flirting ... don't wait any longer." ____________________________________________________ DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Richi Re: Default Browser  Dear Webby I go into settings and see this: Microsquish Edge is Default Browser (see here ) I click on Change my default, click on Chrome and close.... no where does it say save changes. Where else can I check my default browser setting is Chrome? Thanks Richie  Dear Richi Just bring up Chrome. CHROME will ask you, if you want to make Chrome the default browser. Hit YES and OK, and Chrome will be the default. Microslop may be sloppy, but Chrome gets around that nicely. So does FireFox. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected up sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions: "There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," he began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being -- a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one's absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one's joys and sorrows." To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes. Then she nodded in agreement. Finally, she responded, "I think its a great idea! Can I help you choose which puppy to buy?" __________________________________________ A Texas rancher who depreciated 15 to 20 animals, something only allowed if the animals are used in breeding who, when asked by the IRS agent at an audit, "I presume you breed these animals?" replied that he didn't, giving his CPA a heart attack. But then, after a pregnant pause, continued, "I've got a bull for that." __________________________________________ The other day I was in the local auto part store. A lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap. We all looked at each other and said, "What's a seven ten cap?" She said "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost some how and I need a new one." "What kind of a car is it on," they asked? Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she said its a Buick. "OK lady, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. "What does it do?," we asked. She said, "I don't know, but its always been there." One of us gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710. The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it, and they just fall down behind the counter laughing so hard in hysterics. One guy said " I think you want an oil cap." She said, "Seven Ten cap, oil cap, I don't care what you call it, I just need one, and I don't see what is so funny about it." _______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 
 Today, June 12, in 1099, Crusade leaders visited the Mount of Olives where they met a hermit who urged them to assault Jerusalem. 1442, Alfonso V of Aragon was crowned King of Naples. 1665, England installed a municipal government in New York. It was the former Dutch settlement of New Amsterdam. 1812, Napoleon's invasion of Russia began. 1838, The Iowa Territory was organized. 1839, Abner Doubleday created the game of baseball, according to the legend. 1849, Lewis Haslett patented a gas mask. (Patent US6529 A) 1897, Carl Elsener patented his penknife. The object later became known as the Swiss army knife. 1898, Philippine nationalists declared their independence from Spain. 1900, The Reichstag approved a second law that would allow the expansion of the German navy. 1901, Cuba agreed to become an American protectorate by accepting the Platt Amendment. 1918, The first airplane bombing raid by an American unit occurred on World War I's Western Front in France. 1921, U.S. President Warren Harding urged every young man to attend military training camp to get read for WWII. 1923, Harry Houdini, while suspended upside down 40 feet above the ground, escaped from a strait jacket. 1926, Brazil quit the League of Nations in protest over plans to admit Germany. 2022 Do smiled. 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

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