Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, August 14 Get out tonight to watch the Perseids meteor shower! Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: DNA from unflushed toilet nailed California burglar Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, Aug 14 in 1919 About 1 million tons of ice and rock broke off of a glacier near Mont Blanc, France. Nine people were killed in the incident. It was not blamed on CO2 and Global Warming. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. --- Paul Fix Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The Cohens were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Cohen made it clear he was in a big hurry. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered. "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with." "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mr. Cohen turned to his wife. "Show him your tooth, Sarah!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ During parachute class the instructor took time to anwser any of our silly First Timer Questions. One guy asked: "If our chute doesn't open.....and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have til we hit the ground?" Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan anwsered: "The whole rest of your life." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andrew David Jensen, 42, Thousand Oaks, California DNA from unflushed toilet nailed California burglar Police in Thousand Oaks, California, used DNA found in an unflushed toilet to finger a burglary suspect. Andrew David Jensen, 42, was arrested on July 28 on suspicion of committing a burglary last October. Detectives managed to sniff out the suspect after they found some fecal matter in a toilet at the crime scene and had it tested for DNA, according to the Ventura County Star. The sample was sent to the Ventura County Sheriff's Office Forensic Services Bureau for processing before being submitted to the Combined DNA Information System to see if there was a match with a known suspect. Police got a DNA match on July 25 for Jensen, who they tracked down to his home in nearby Ventura. He was arrested three days later on suspicion of first-degree residential burglary, a felony, according to the Associated Press. His bail was set at $180,000. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Shortcut to music folder Dear Webby, Is there a way to create a short cut and thus a desk top icon to a music file folder that does not give that option when I right click on it? Getting to my music files is a small nuisance going through explorer & down several more clicks. Thank you!! Bonnie Dear Bonnie Just browse to that folder with the file explorer, drag the icon from the left side of the address bar in file Explorer to an open spot on your desktop. Highlight that icon Hit F2 and rename it to something shorter Right-click the icon and change the icon to something else. Hit APPLY, and OK. Done. Have FUN! DearWebby In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for her questioning. When Patty came into the office she was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor. "Patty, you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor began to question her. The first question was this. "Patty, if I was to poke out one of your eyes, what would happen?" "I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much thought. "What would happen if I poked out the other eye?" "I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that she had just gotten her freedom. The doctor then sent her outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files. When Patty got into the waiting room however, she told Mike what the questions would be and what the correct answers were. The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike, the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?" "I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told. This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking. "Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?" "I would be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed. But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me hat would fall down over me eyes." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Those Bread Bags! By marie cecchini [204 Posts, 2 Comments] Never toss those bags when you've finished a loaf of bread. They are great for storing home baked goods either to freeze or store in your cupboard - saves on using and washing your plastic containers - less time spent and water used. By Marie from West Dundee, IL ____________________________________________________ | | Keep the flour away from toddlers |
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Connie for this story: An old man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, "Operator, give me back the party!" She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to make the call all over again." He says, "What do you want from my life? Give me back da party." She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to place the call again." He says, "Operator, ya know what? Take da telephone and shove it in you-know-where!" And he hangs up. Two days later he opens the door and there are two big, strapping guys standing there who say, "We came to take your telephone out." He says, "Why?" They say, "Because you insulted Operator 28 two days ago. But if you'd like to call up and apologize, we'll leave the telephone here." He says, "Wait a minute, what's da rush, what's da hurry?" He goes to the telephone and dials. "Hello? Get me Operator 28. Hello, Operator 28? Remember me? Two days ago I insulted you? I told you to take da telephone and shove it in you-know-where?" She says, "Yes?" He says, "Well, get ready -- they're bringin' it to ya!" ___________________________________________________ | | Winners of the National Geographic travel photographer of the year contest 2017. |
___________________________________________________ Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!!!" | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ Gramma Jones tripped on the stairs and broke her leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that she wasn't to use the stairs until the cast came off. Four months later he removed the cast and pronounced her well on the way to recovery. "Oh good," she responded. "Is it all right for me to walk the stairs now?" "Yes," said the doctor, "if you will promise to be careful." "I can't tell you what a relief it will be," she sighed. "It was such a nuisance crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe to my fifth floor apartment all the time!" ____________________________________________________ | Today, August 14, in 1248 The rebuilding of the Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, Germany, began after being destroyed by fire. 1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tunis was signed on board the USS Constitution. 1880 The Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, Germany was completed after 632 years of rebuilding. 1888 A patent for the electric meter was granted to Oliver B. Shallenberger. 1896 Gold was discovered in Canada's Yukon Territory. Within the next year more than 30,000 people rushed to the area to look for gold. 1900 An international force, consisting of eight nations, lifted the siege of Peking. It was the end to the Boxer Rebellion, which was aimed at purging China of foreigners. 1917 China declared war on Germany and Austria during World War I. 1919 About 1 million tons of ice and rock broke off of a glacier near Mont Blanc, France. Nine people were killed in the incident. It was not blamed on CO2 and Global Warming. 1935 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Social Security Act into law. The act created unemployment insurance and pension plans for the elderly. 1936 The first basketball competition was held at the Olympic Games in Berlin, Germany. The U.S. defeated Canada, 19-8. 1941 The U.S. Congress appropriated the funds to construct the Pentagon (approximately $83 million). The building was the new home of the U.S. War Department. 1941 U.S. President Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Winston Churchill issued the Atlantic Charter. The charter was a statement of principles that renounced aggression. 1944 The federal government allowed the manufacture of certain domestic appliances to resume on a limited basis. 1945 It was announced by U.S. President Truman that Japan had surrendered unconditionally. The surrender ended World War II. 1947 Pakistan became independent from British rule. 1953 The wiffle ball was invented. 1962 A U.S. mail truck was held up in Plymouth, MA. The robbers got away with more that $1.5 million dollars. 1969 British troops arrived in Northern Ireland to intervene in sectarian violence between Protestants and Roman Catholics. 1973 The U.S. bombing of Cambodia ended. The halt marked the official end to 12 years of combat in Indochina by the U.S. 1980 People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) was incorporated. 1986 U.S. officials announced that a U.S. Drug Enforcement agent had been abducted, interrogated and tortured by Mexican police. 1992 The U.S. announced that emergency airlifts of food to Somalia would begin. The action was being taken to stop mass deaths due to starvation. 1995 Shannon Faulkner became the first female cadet in the history of The Citadel, South Carolina's state military college. She quit the school less than a week later. 2000 Valujet was ordered to pay $11 million in fines and restitution for hazardous waste violations in the crash that killed 110 people in 1996. 2015 In Havana, Cuba, the U.S. Embassy was re-opened after being closed 54 years earlier. 2017 Do smiled. |
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