Good Morning, Do! Thank you, Arlene!! Thank you, Harry!! Today is Saturday, January 1 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Woman arrested for killing boyfriend with sword on Christmas Eve ____________________________________________________ Today, January 1, in 1993 Czechoslovakia split into two separate states, the Czech Republic and Slovakia. The peaceful division had been engineered in 1992. ____________________________________________________ Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. --- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821) Before a war military science seems a real science, like astronomy; but after a war it seems more like astrology. --- Rebecca West (1892 - 1983) There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. --- Douglas Adams ____________________________________________________ Little Johnny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Johnny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls." The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father." ____________________________________________________ Coopers Hawk, Springbank, Alberta ____________________________________________________ A man was invited for dinner at a friends house. Every time the host needed something, he precede his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "that's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, to tell you the truth, I've forgotten her name ten years ago." ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brittany Wilson, CAPE GIRARDEAU, 32, Missouri, USA Woman arrested for killing boyfriend with sword on Christmas Eve Police in Missouri arrested 32-year-old Brittany Wilson on Christmas Eve for the stabbing death of her boyfriend. According to a news release, police found Wilson standing outside her boyfriends home Friday night at 11:05, covered in blood. KFVS reported officers spotted a sword on the lawn. While authorities questioned Wilson outside, investigators made their way inside to discover the body of a deceased male in the basement. Police said the body had suffered a fresh stab wound. Authorities have not yet identified the victim, waiting for his family to be notified of his death. Police arrested Wilson and transported her to the Cape Girardeau municipal jail. Prosecutors presented the case to Judge Frank E. Miller who issued a warrant on Wilson for first-degree murder and armed criminal action. Shes being held on a $2 million bond. Wilson seems to be hilariously happy that she will be on Govt paid room and board for the foreseeable future. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Hank Re: Do I really need it? Dear Webby I had a little program on my previous machine that showed me all the installed crap, and told me whether I really needed that, and helped with the un-installing. I can't afind it anywhere, and searching for "do I really Need" just goes to protein supplements for body builders. So I need your help to find that agin? Thanks Hank Dear Hank It Is called: Should I Remove It and it is at https://www.shouldiremoveit.com/ Have FUN! DearWebby A young woman came home and told her mom that her steady boy friend had proposed, but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell. "Marry him anyway, honey. Between the two of us, we'll show him just how very wrong he is." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife." "What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?" "Look Around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk. Confused, the man asked what were the types. The saleslady replied, "The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?" Still confused the man asked "What is the difference between them?" The lady responded, "It is all really simple." The Catholic type supports the masses, The Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills." ______________________________________________ Baked beans One of the matrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck, and her Do, came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other. Do tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot of beans. Thinking it over, Do could think of no reason why risk punishment, so Do said nothing. The dinner went well, and, as usual, the beans were one of the favorite dishes. The next day, the church secretary, Mary, called Do's mother and said, "Jane, your beans were delicious as usual, but what did you put in them this time?" Jane replied, "Nothing new, why do you ask?" "Well," said Mary, "this morning I bent over to feed the cat and shot the canary." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A teacher wanted his students to improve their spelling skills. So, he decided to have each of them come up to the front of the class and tell the class about their fathers' profession or trade and to spell such profession or trade. The teacher called up Johnny as the first student, and Johnny said, "My father is a baker, and you spell it, B-A-K-E-R. If my father was here today, he would give everyone a cookie." "Very well," the teacher said, and called Jim to the front. Jim said, "My father is a banker and you spell it, B-A-N-K- E-R. If he was here today, he would give everyone a quarter." "Great," said the teacher and called Tim to the front. Tim said, "My father is an electrician, and you spell it, E-E-L-K . . . E-L-E-K . . ." Tim was having a hard time spelling, so the teacher said, "Tim, why don't you sit and think about the spelling for a few minutes. In the meantime, we'll have Peter come up and tell us about his father." Peter said, "My father is a bookie, B-O-O-K-I-E. And if my father was here today, he would bet ten to one that Tim can not spell electronic technician." ___________________________________________________ | Today, January 1, in 0404 The last gladiator competition was held in Rome. Since then it was called hockey 1622 The Papal Chancery adopted January 1st as the beginning of the New Year (instead of March 25th). 1772 The first traveler's checks were issued in London. 1797 Albany became the capital of New York state, replacing New York City. 1801 The Act of Union of England and Ireland came into force. 1801 Italian astronomer Giuseppe Piazzi became the first person to discover an asteroid. He named it Ceres. 1804 Haiti gained its independence. 1808 The U.S. prohibited import of slaves from Africa. 1840 The first recorded bowling match was recorded in the U.S. 1863 U.S. President Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, which declared that all slaves in the rebel states were free. 1887 Queen Victoria was proclaimed empress of India in Delhi. 1892 Ellis Island Immigrant Station formally opened in New York. 1892 Brooklyn and New York merged to form the single city of New York. 1894 The Manchester Ship Canal was officially opened to traffic. 1895 In Battle Creek, MI, C.W. Post created his first usable batch of Monks Brew (later called Postum). It was a cereal- based substitute for caffeinated drinks. 1898 Manhattan, the Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens and Staten Island were consolidated into New York City. 1900 Hawaii asked for a delegate to the Republican national convention. 1900 Nigeria became a British protectorate with Frederick Lagard as the high commissioner. 1901 The Commonwealth of Australia was founded. Lord Hopetoun officially assumed the duties as the first Governor-General. 1909 The first payments of old-age pensions were made in Britain. People over 70 received five shillings a week. 1913 The post office began parcel post deliveries. 1924 Frank B. Cooney received a patent for ink paste. 1934 Alcatraz Island officially became a Federal Prison. 1934 The Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) began operation. 1936 The "New York Herald Tribune" began microfilming its current issues. 1939 The Hewlett-Packard partnership was formed by Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard. 1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Winston Churchill issued a declaration called the "United Nations." It was signed by 26 countries that vowed to create an international postwar World War II peacekeeping organization. 1945 France was admitted to the United Nations. 1956 Sudan gained its independence. 1958 The European Economic Community (EEC) started operations. 1959 Fidel Castro overthrew the government of Fulgencio Batista, and seized power in Cuba. 1968 Evel Knievel, stunt performing daredevil, lost control of his motorcycle midway through a jump of 141 feet over the ornamental fountains in front of Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. 1971 Tobacco ads representing $20 million dollars in advertising were banned from TV and radio broadcast. 1973 Britain, Ireland, Denmark and Norway joined the EEC. 1975 The magazine "Popular Electronics" announced the invention of a personal computer called Altair. MITS, using an Intel microprocessor, developed the computer. 1979 The United States and China held celebrations in Washington, DC, and Beijing to mark the establishment of diplomatic relations between the two countries. 1981 Greece joined the European Community. 1984 AT&T was broken up into 22 Bell System companies under terms of an antitrust agreement with the U.S. Federal government. 1986 Spain and Portugal joined the European Community (EC). 1987 A pro-democracy rally took place in Beijing's Tiananmen Square (China). 1990 David Dinkins was sworn in as New York City's first black mayor. 1992 The ESPN Radio Network was officially launched. 1992 In Kuala, Lumpur, the groundbreaking ceremony for the Petronas Towers took place. 1993 Czechoslovakia split into two separate states, the Czech Republic and Slovakia. The peaceful division had been engineered in 1992. 1994 Bill Gates, Chief Executive Officer of Microsoft and Melinda French were married. 1994 The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) went into effect. 1995 Frederick West, an alleged killer of 12 women and girls, was found hanged in his jail cell in Winston Green prison, in Birmingham. West had been under almost continuous watch since his arrest in 1994, but security had reportedly been relaxed in the months preceding the apparent suicide. 1995 The World Trade Organization came into existence. The group of 125 nations monitors global trade. 1998 A new anti-smoking law went into effect in California. The law prohibiting people from lighting up in bars. 1999 The euro became currency for 11 Member States of the European Union. Coins and notes were not available until January 1, 2002. 1999 In California, a law went into effect that defined "invasion of privacy as trespassing with the intent to capture audio or video images of a celebrity or crime victim engaging in a personal or family activity." 2001 The "Texas 7," rented space in an RV park in Woodland Park, CO. 2007 Binney & Smith Company became Crayola LLC under its parent company Hallmark. 2021 Do smiled. |
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