Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, May 10 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Phoenix area pursuit ends with police using Grappler to stop car __________________________________________________ On May 10 in 1940, Germany invaded Belgium, France, the Netherlands, and Luxembourg. _____________________________________________________ CNN is one of the participants in the war. I have a fantasy where Ted Turner is elected president but refuses because he doesn't want to give up power. --- Arthur C. Clarke (1917 - ) Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them. --- Lily Tomlin (1939 - ) "The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces." --- Maureen Murphy ____________________________________________________ Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of church listening to a fiery preacher. When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out at the tops of their lungs, "AMEN, BROTHER!" When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, "PREACH IT, REVEREND!" And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their feet and screamed, "RIGHT ON, BROTHER! TELL IT LIKE IT IS...AMEN!" But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet, and one turned to the other and said, "He's quit preaching and now he's meddlin'." ___________________________________________________ if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression. The bartender asked, "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?" The man said, "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month." The bartender said, "That should make you happy." The man said, "No, the month is up today!" ____________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture." The woman beside him peered over his shoulder, then reassured him, "It's okay. That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway." ____________________________________________________ A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college graduate!" the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, I'll show you how." ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Brandon Smith, 30, Phoenix, Arizona, USA  Phoenix area pursuit ends with police using Grappler to stop car  A 30-year-old man has been arrested after leading law enforcement on a chase across the Phoenix metropolitan area and ramming two police vehicles on April 29, authorities said. According to court documents, officers responded to the area of Cave Creek and Deer Valley Roads at around 2:30 p.m., for reports of a man who was passed out behind the wheel of a car. "Numerous bystanders attempted to wake up the individual by attempting to get his attention by tapping the glass but the subject was not responding," read a portion of court documents. Once at the scene, officers found the man passed out inside the running car. "They observed a male passed out in the vehicle as well as a knife and handgun in the vehicle within reach," court documents read. When the man woke up, he rammed his car back and forth into the police cars and was eventually able to drive off, police said. Officers did not pursue the car, but a police helicopter was used to keep surveillance on the car, while detectives from Phoenix Police's tactical support bureau responded. "The vehicle was eventually grappled and stopped near 48th Street and the I-10," police said in a statement. The suspect allegedly resisted arrest by holding onto the open sunroof of the car while attempting to kick officers who were trying to take him into custody. The suspect was later identified as Brandon Smith, 30. After his arrest, a white crystal-like substance was found in his vehicle, as well as two blue M30 pills. Smith is accused of multiple charges, including criminal damage, driving under the influence, weapons misconduct, drug possession, and unlawful flight from law enforcement. How the Grappler works:   ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Annie Re: Site can't be reached Dear Webby Thank you, Dear Webby. You are bookmarked and wow, this morning I cannot even reach your site! Even when I go to Google, this is the message I get; This site can’t be reached webby.com refused to connect. Search Google for webby humor ERR_CONNECTION_REFUSED Looking for "normal" in my old age. Annie  Dear Annie Here in Canada there is no problem getting to Webby.com Where are you? Try http://speedtest.net It is a free speed checker. Quite often, when running that, whoever was hogging the line, is chased off. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________ A guy, who had been lost and walking in the desert for about two weeks, finally finds the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the back door, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?" The missionary says, "Sure, but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop." Not paying much attention, the man says, "Sure, okay." He gets on the horse and says, "Thank God," and the horse starts walking. Then he says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God," and the horse just takes off. Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he's doing everything he can to make the horse stop. "Whoa, stop, hold on!" Finally he remembers, "Amen!!" The horse stops four inches from the cliff. The man leans back in the saddle and says, "Thank God!" ______________________________________________ Dear Son, Just a few lines to let you know that I am still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know that you cannot read fast. You won't know the house when you come home. We've moved. About your father. He has a lovely new job. He has 5,000 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetary. There was a washing machine in the new house when we moved in, but it isn't working too good. Last week I put 14 shirts into it, pulled the chain and I haven't seen the shirts since. Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a boy or a girl so I don't know whether you are an aunt or an uncle. Your Uncle Dick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey at Dublin's Brewery. Some of his workmates dived in to save him but he fought them off bravely. We cremated his body and it took us three days to put out the fire. Your father didn't have much to drink at Christmas. I put a bottle of castor oil in his pint of beer and it kept him going until New Year's Day. I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube into my mouth and told me not to open it for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him. It only rained twice last week. First for four days and then for three days. Monday it was so windy that one of our hens laid the same egg four times. We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last installment wasn't paid on your grandmother within seven days . . . UP SHE COMES! Your loving mother P.S. I was going to send you $10 but I had already sealed the envelope. ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 The newlyweds were suffering from exhaustion and after an examination, their doctor advised, "It's not unusual for young people to overdo things during the first weeks of marriage. What you both need is rest. For the next month I want you to limit your sex life to those days of the week with an "R" in them. That is, Thursday, Friday and Saturday." Since the end of the week was approaching the newlyweds had no immediate difficulty following the medico's orders. But on the first night of scheduled rest the young bride found herself eager as a beaver. Hubby fell asleep, but she tossed and turned and finally nudged her spouse into partial wakefulness. Expecting daylight, and confused with the darkness, he asked, "What day is it honey?" She looks at him with a gleam in her eyes and says, "Mondray." ---------------- That reminds me... I was supposed to rest on days without a "T". Luckily we had Thaturday, Thunday, Today and Tomorrow. ___________________________________________________  
 Today, May 10, in 1503, Christopher Columbus discovered the Cayman Islands. 1676, In Virginia, Bacon's Rebellion began. Nathaniel Bacon led the the rebellion which pitted frontiersmen against the government. 1768, The imprisonment of the journalist John Wilkes as an outlaw provoked violence in London. Wilkes was returned to parliament as a member for Middlesex. 1773, The English Parliament passed the Tea Act, which taxed all tea in the U.S. colonies. 1774, Louis XVI ascended the throne of France. 1775, Ethan Allen and Colonel Benedict Arnold led an attack on the British Fort Ticonderoga and captured it from the British. 1796, Napoleon Bonaparte won a brilliant victory against the Austrians at Lodi bridge in Italy. 1840, Mormon leader Joseph Smith moved his band of followers to Illinois to escape the hostilities they had experienced in Missouri. 1857, The Seepoys of India revolted against the British Army. 1865, Confederate President Jefferson Davis was captured by Union troops near Irvinville, GA. 1869, Central Pacific and Union Pacific Rail Roads meet in Promontory, UT. A golden spike was driven in at the celebration of the first transcontinental railroad in the U.S. 1898, A vending machine law was enacted in Omaha, NE. It cost $5,000 for a permit. 1924, J. Edgar Hoover was appointed head of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. 1927, The Hotel Statler in Boston, MA. became the first hotel to install radio headsets in each of its 1,300 rooms. 1928, WGY-TV in Schenectady, NY, began regular television programming. 1930, The Adler Planetarium opened to the public in Chicago, IL. 1933, The Nazis staged massive public book burnings in Germany. 1940, Germany invaded Belgium, France, the Netherlands, and Luxembourg. 1941, England's House of Commons was destroyed by a German air raid. 1941, Rudolf Hess, Adolf Hitler's deputy, parachuted into Scotland on what he claimed was a peace mission. 1942, U.S. forces in the Philippines began to surrender to the Japanese. 1943, U.S. troops invaded Attu in the Aleutian Islands to expel the Japanese. 1960, The U.S.S. Triton completed the first circumnavigation of the globe under water. The trip started on February 16. 1962, Marvel Comics published the first issue of "The Incredible Hulk." 1968, Preliminary Vietnam peace talks began in Paris. 1969, The National and American Football Leagues announced their plans to merge for the 1970-71 season. 1978, Britain's Princess Margaret and the Earl of Snowdon announced they were divorcing after 18 years of marriage. 1982, Elliott Gould made his dramatic television debut after 30 movies in 17 years. He starred in "The Rules of Marriage" on CBS-TV. 1986, Navy Lt. Commander Donnie Cochran became the first black pilot to fly with the Blue Angels team. 1994, Nelson Mandela was sworn in as South Africas first black president. 1997, An earthquake in northeastern Iran killed at least 2,400 people. 1999, China broke off talks on human rights with the U.S. in response to NATO's accidental bombing of the Chinese Embassy in Yugoslavia. 1999, The Cezanne painting "Still Life With Curtain, Pitcher and Bowl of Fruit" sold for 60.5 million. 2000, 11,000 residents were evacuated in Los Alamos, NM, due to a fire that was blown into a canyon. The fire had been deliberately set to clear brush. 2001, Boeing Co. announced that it would be moving its headquarters to Chicago, IL. 2001, In Ghana, 121 people were killed in a stampede at a soccer game. 2002, Robert Hanssen was sentenced to life in prison with no chance for parole. Hanssen, an FBI agent, had sold U.S. secrets to Moscow for $1.4 million in cash and diamonds. 2002, Taiwan test fired a locally made Sky Bow II surface- to-air missile for the first time. They also fired three U.S.-made Hawk missiles. 2002, Dr. Pepper announced that it would be introducing a new flavor, Red Fusion, for the first time in 117 years. 2011, It was announced that Microsoft had closed a deal to purchase the internet phone service Skype for $8.5 billion. 2013, In New York, NY, crane operators hoisted the final pieces of the spire atop One World Trade Center (formerly called the Freedom Tower). 2016, NASA announced that it's Kepler mission had verified 1,284 new planets. This was the single largest finding of planets to date. 2017, Apple's stock market value exceeded the $500 billion mark. 2022 Do smiled. 

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