Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, July 20 ___________________________________________________ Today, July 20 in 1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk on the moon. _____________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: 2 arrested for home invasion, kidnapping victim,robbery, carjacking ______________________________________________________ Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that idea is not quite clear to him. --- Paul Eldridge _____________________________________________________ A young woman, wearing a tight leather mini-skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket, was waiting for the city bus. When the young woman stepped up to board the bus, she quickly realized that her skirt was too tight. The embarrassed young woman reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little. She hoped this would give her enough slack to climb the stairs onto the bus. Much to her chagrin, though, that didn't help. A big Texan, who was in line behind the embarrassed, young woman, gently lifted her from the waist and helped her onto the bus. As expected, the young woman went ballistic, and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him, "How dare you touch me! I don't even know who you are!" The big Texan drawled, "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but since you were unzippin' my fly, I kinda figured that we was friends!" _____________________________________________________ Whitecourt, Alberta ___________________________________________________ Bill and Hilary Clinton were the guests of honor at the World Marching Girl and Drum Majorette Championships in New York. Hilary noticed that Bill had a smile on his face, so she said, " Well honey, what are you smiling at?" Bill replied, "Honey, if I had another inch, I'd be pretty popular amongst them Marching Girls." A big smile came across Hilary's face. Bill said, "What are you smiling about?" Hilary replied, "Bill, if you had one inch less, you'd be out there marching with them." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Qu Ali Dayzhean Thomas, 22, and Emari Malik Goss, 22, Fresno, California 2 arrested for home invasion, kidnapping victim,robbery, carjacking Two men were arrested after police say they robbed a Merced home at gunpoint and then kidnapped one of the people inside on Monday. Merced police say Qu Ali Dayzhean Thomas, 22, and Emari Malik Goss, 22, broke into a home on Phelps Drive at around 12:50 p.m. After robbing the home, Thomas and Goss kidnapped a person inside and stole one of the cars on the property. Police say the two men drove to another location in Merced, where they let the victim go free and left in the stolen vehicle. California Highway Patrol officers spotted the vehicle in Bakersfield sometime later and arrested Thomas and Goss during a traffic stop. Both men were booked into the Merced County Jail on charges of home invasion, carjacking and kidnapping. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Susan RE: Skype or HangOut? Dear Webby, I have used Skype for over 20 years, and though I am, like you, unhappy about what Microslop has done to it, I still use it, mainly because I am used to it. Some of my friends use HangOut and claim it is better. What is your opinion? Susan Dear Susan HangOut is half baked crap by comparison. The video on it is OK on some days. The "half baked" rating is because #1 you have to have Gmail open to be able to use it and #2 HangOut is nailed down on prime real estate on your monitor. Unlike Skype, you can't move it out of the way. Hangout may be OK if you just use it to flirt at your Sweetie, or have a hectic argument going without pause. Usually, that is the exception. I have used IRC, PowWow, ICQ, MSN, and Skype since about 1993 or 1994. Hectic conversation without pause is extremely rare. Usually you have a chat window open on the side, while you work, or take notes, or look up stuff. HangOut is most definitely NOT good enough for that. If you don't do any multi-tasking and strictly use it to flirt at your sweetie, or yell and scream at your kids, then HangOut or Gmail Chat would probably work for you, but if you do multi-tasking and just chat on the side, then Skype is better. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A married couple were having a disagreement while sitting in bed. The wife said to her husband, "You're impossible." To which the husband replied, "No. I'm next to impossible." _____________________________________________ I heard about your cooking! You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer. You consider it a culinary success if the pop-tart stays in one piece. Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat. Your family buys Alka Seltzer and Kaopectate in bulk. When you barbecue; two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on speed- dial. Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a fire truck siren. The EPA insists that all your garbage cans be marked with biohazard symbols. Your microwave display reads "TILT!" Your two best recipes are meatloaf and apple pie, but your dinner guests argue about which is which. Your pie filling bubbles over and eats the enamel off the bottom of the oven. You've used three boxes of scouring pads and a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, and that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan. Pest control companies keep pestering you for your recipes. You make tuna noodle surprise and the surprise is that it glows in the dark and melts the silverware. Your family prays AFTER they eat! ____________________________________________ The reason 30+ year old women get carded is because the cashiers and bagboys make bets on how OLD you really are and someone has to find out. They know you would lie if they asked you. | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today July 20 in 1801 A 1,235 pound cheese ball was pressed at the farm of Elisha Brown, Jr. The ball of cheese was later loaded on a horse-driven wagon and presented to U.S. President Thomas Jefferson at the White House. In those days the elected president was respected, not lied about. 1810 Colombia declared independence from Spain. 1861 The Congress of the Confederate States began holding sessions in Richmond, VA. 1868 Legislation that ordered U.S. tax stamps to be placed on all cigarette packs was passed. 1871 British Columbia joined Confederation as a Canadian province. 1881 Sioux Indian leader Sitting Bull, a fugitive since the Battle of the Little Big Horn, surrendered to federal troops. (Montana) 1917 The draft lottery in World War I went into operation. 1942 The first detachment of the Women's Army Auxiliary Corps, (WACS) began basic training at Fort Des Moines, Iowa. 1944 An attempt by a group of German officials to assassinate Adolf Hitler failed. The bomb exploded at Hitler's Rastenburg headquarters. Hitler was only wounded. 1944 U.S. President Roosevelt was nominated for an unprecedented fourth term of office at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago. 1961 "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off" opened in London. 1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk on the moon. 1974 Turkish forces invaded Cyprus. 1976 America's Viking I robot spacecraft made a successful landing on Mars. 1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan pulled the U.S. out of comprehensive test ban negotiations indefinitely. 1985 Treasure hunters began raising $400 million in coins and silver from the Spanish galleon "Nuestra Senora de Atocha." The ship sank in 1622 40 miles of the coast of Key West, FL. 1992 Vaclav Havel, the playwright who led the Velvet Revolution against communism, stepped down as president of Czechoslovakia. 1998 Russia won a $11.2 billion loan from the International Monetary Fund to help avert the devaluation of its currency. 2003 In India, elephants used for commercial work began wearing reflectors to avoid being hit by cars during night work. 2020 Do smiled. |
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