Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, July 16 Thank you, Maggie!! ___________________________________________________ Today, July 16 in 1950 The largest crowd in sporting history was 199,854. They watched Uruguay defeat Brazil in the World Cup soccer finals in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. _____________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: Mom Calls Police On 14-Year-Old Son After Catching Him In Sex Crime ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________________ Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember. --- Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972) _____________________________________________________ All About Men 1. The nice men are ugly. 2. The handsome men are not nice. 3. The handsome and nice men are gay. 4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married. 5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money. 6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money. _____________________________________________________ Dale Paul Osprey taking off July 10/20 near Banff ___________________________________________________ >From Donny Children display their biblical knowledge Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following 25 statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. incorrect spelling has been left in. 1. In the first book of the bible, Guinness. god got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off. Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following 25 statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. incorrect spelling has been left in. 1. In the first book of the bible, Guinness. god got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off. 2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears. 3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night. 4. The jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals. 5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. 6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles. 7. Moses led the jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients. 8. The egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments. 9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. 10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. 11. Moses died before he ever reached canada then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of geritol. 12. The greatest miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. 13. David was a hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times. 14. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. 15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the magna carta. 16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager. 17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. 18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head. 19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone. 20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. 21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. 22. The epistels were the wives of the apostles. 23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. 24. St. Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marraige. 25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony. 2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears. 3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night. 4. The jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals. 5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. 6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles. 7. Moses led the jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients. 8. The egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments. 9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. 10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. 11. Moses died before he ever reached canada then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of geritol. 12. The greatest miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. 13. David was a hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times. 14. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. 15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the magna carta. 16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager. 17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. 18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head. 19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone. 20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. 21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. 22. The epistels were the wives of the apostles. 23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. 24. St. Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marraige. 25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Solomon Pule, 14, Baltimore, Maryland Mom Calls Police On 14-Year-Old Son After Catching Him In Sex Crime When the mother of Solomon Pule briefly left the room where he and his 8-year-old cousin were playing to put her 2-year-old son down for a nap, she returned to a horrific sight. The Maryland mother noted that both children were being far too quiet, but she never imagined that it would be for such a terrible reason. She returned to the room to find both children partially undressed and Solomon on top of his young cousin, raping her. The mother also observed a pair of scissors on the love seat next to them. According to CBS Baltimore, The mother told police she was upstairs putting her 2-year-old down for a nap and told her son and 8-year-old niece to clean up the living room. She noticed it was too quiet and went back downstairs to check on them. She found them on the love seat: Pule with his pants down and her niece with her skirt up. A pair of scissors next to them. In a police interview, the 8-year-old girl stated that her cousin had threatened to cut her with the scissors if she made any noise. She also confirmed that he shoved his thing inside her. Solomon told me if I scream to tell you he was going to cut me, the girl tried to explain, as it reads in a statement of probable cause. He shoved his thing in me, she added. Solomons mother reported the case to Baltimore City Police, who arrested Solomon for rape. During an interrogation, the boy admitted to raping his cousin. He was transported to the Baltimore City Detention Center and charged with first- and second-degree rape. Officials have confirmed that he will be charged as an adult, which means that he could be spending the rest of his life in prison.Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember. Which makes sense. At 14 he KNEW that rape was against the law. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Hanna RE: Slow Edge Dear Webby, You mentioned that the EDGE browser was OK. So I installed it on my W10 machine.. It works, but is godawful slow on the sites I go to, like for example theweathernetwork.com I still got Chrome on the old W7 machine in the basement. I can waddle down to the basement, start up the old W7 klunker, go to the weather network and check the weather forecast for the next 7 days, come back upstairs, and EDGE still has not finished loading. Does EDGE not like theweathernetwork.com or does the weather site not like edge? What do you suggest? Hanna Dear Hanna I tried to do the same and go to theweathernetwork.com with EDGE on my W10 (formerly a W7 machine, but STAPLES stole my W7 and polluted it with W10) I got the same results as you did. Next I checked my connection speed with Ookla http://speedtest.net That showed 26 Mbps, down a bit from the 30 Mbps, That I am paying for, but that is not unusual for Telus, and not worth calling them. Next I opened Chrome, and went to theweathernetwork.com It was stuck on some cutesy video, so I scrolled up to the 7 day forecast. No problem at all. It seems that EDGE may have a problem with frequently or continuously updating sites and is waiting for ads on cache files. Just remember on which sites it stalls, and use Chrome or FireFox on those. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A man dies and finds himself standing third in line at the Pearly Gates. The Angel explains that admission requirements are now a bit more strict, as a few slum landlords and con artists have managed to slip into Heaven without being detected. He queries the first candidate: "What was your annual salary, and what was your profession? "I made $250,000 as an Attorney" comes the reply. "You go downstairs." says the Angel. Second candidate, same question. "I made $195,000, I was a realtor." He is also dumped downstairs. Now it is the third man's turn. "My annual salary was $275." "Cool!" replies the Angel, "and which newsletter did you publish?" _____________________________________________ Tech support people like me spend our days on the phone with customers. Many like to chat while waiting for their computers to reboot. One man told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver. I'd love to drive a big rig," I said, "but I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel." "Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window." --------------- I have used that trick for staying awake driving home after 12 hour shifts at the mine. Never lost a $100 bill. Usually the cold wind woke me right up in a minute or two. ____________________________________________ John and Lance driving along the highway looking for a place to stop and picnic. John says, "Let's stop here, and have our picnic under that tree." Lance says, "No! Let's have it right here in the middle of the road." They fought for a bit, but finally agreed to have it in the middle of the road. All of a sudden, a car comes speeding towards them and has to swerve into the tree to keep from hitting them. John says, "You were right! If we were under that tree, we'd be dead now!" | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today July 16 in 17741774 - Russia and the Ottoman Empire signed the treaty of Kuchuk-Kainardji, ending their six-year war. 1779 - American troops under General Anthony Wayne captured Stony Point, NY. 1790 - The District of Columbia, or Washington, DC, was established as the permanent seat of the United States Government. 1791 - Louis XVI was suspended from office until he agreed to ratify the constitution. 1845 - The New York Yacht Club hosted the first American boating regatta. 1862 - David G. Farragut became the first rear admiral in the U.S. Navy. 1875 - The new French constitution was finalized. 1912 - Bradley A. Fiske patented the airplane torpedo. 1926 - The first underwater color photographs appeared in "National Geographic" magazine. The pictures had been taken near the Florida Keys. 1935 - Oklahoma City became the first city in the U.S. to install parking meters. 1940 - Adolf Hitler ordered the preparations to begin on the invasion of England, known as Operation Sea Lion. 1942 - French police officers rounded up 13,000 Jews and held them in the Winter Velodrome. The round-up was part of an agreement between Pierre Laval and the Nazis. Germany had agreed to not deport French Jews if France arrested foreign Jews. 1944 - Soviet troops occupied Vilna, Lithuania, in their drive toward Germany. 1945 - The United States detonated the first atomic bomb in a test at Alamogordo, NM. 1950 - The largest crowd in sporting history was 199,854. They watched the Uruguay defeat Brazil in the World Cup soccer finals in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. 1951 - J.D. Salinger's novel "The Catcher in the Rye" was first published. 1957 - Marine Major John Glenn set a transcontinental speed record when he flew a jet from California to New York in 3 hours, 23 minutes and 8 seconds. 1964 - Little League Baseball Incorporated was granted a Federal Charter unanimously by the United States Senate and House of Representatives. 1969 - Apollo 11 blasted off from Cape Kennedy, FL, and began the first manned mission to land on the moon. 1970 - The Pittsburgh Pirates played their first game at Three Rivers Stadium. 1973 - Alexander P. Butterfield informed the Senate committee investigating the Watergate affair of the existence of recorded tapes. 1979 - Saddam Hussein became president of Iraq after forcing Hasan al-Bakr to resign. 1981 - After 23 years with the name Datsun, executives of Nissan changed the name of their cars to Nissan. 1985 - The All-Star Game, televised on NBC-TV, was the first program broadcast in stereo by a TV network. 2005 - J.K. Rowling's book "Harry Potter and the Half- Blood Prince" was released. It was the sixth in the Harry Potter series. The book sold 6.9 million copies on its first day of release. 2009 - In Chicago, Sears Tower was renamed Willis Tower. 2011 - The NASA space probe Dawn entered Vesta orbit. Russia and the Ottoman Empire signed the treaty of Kuchuk-Kainardji, ending their six-year war. 1779 American troops under General Anthony Wayne captured Stony Point, NY. 1790 The District of Columbia, or Washington, DC, was established as the permanent seat of the United States Government. 1791 Louis XVI was suspended from office until he agreed to ratify the constitution. 1862 David G. Farragut became the first rear admiral in the U.S. Navy. 1875 The new French constitution was finalized. 1912 Bradley A. Fiske patented the airplane torpedo. 1926 The first underwater color photographs appeared in "National Geographic" magazine. The pictures had been taken near the Florida Keys. 1935 Oklahoma City became the first city in the U.S. to install parking meters. 1940 Adolf Hitler ordered the preparations to begin on the invasion of England, known as Operation Sea Lion. 1942 French police officers rounded up 13,000 Jews and held them in the Winter Velodrome. The round-up was part of an agreement between Pierre Laval and the Nazis. Germany had agreed to not deport French Jews if France arrested foreign Jews. 1944 Soviet troops occupied Vilna, Lithuania, in their drive toward Germany. 1945 The United States detonated the first atomic bomb in a test at Alamogordo, NM. 1950 The largest crowd in sporting history was 199,854. They watched Uruguay defeat Brazil in the World Cup soccer finals in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. 1951 J.D. Salinger's novel "The Catcher in the Rye" was first published. 1957 Marine Major John Glenn set a transcontinental speed record when he flew a jet from California to New York in 3 hours, 23 minutes and 8 seconds. 1969 Apollo 11 blasted off from Cape Kennedy, FL, and began the first manned mission to land on the moon. 1979 Saddam Hussein became president of Iraq after forcing Hasan al-Bakr to resign. 1981 After 23 years with the name Datsun, executives of Nissan changed the name of their cars to Nissan. 2005 J.K. Rowling's book "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" was released. It was the sixth in the Harry Potter series. The book sold 6.9 million copies on its first day of release. 2009 In Chicago, Sears Tower was renamed Willis Tower. 2011 The NASA space probe Dawn entered Vesta orbit. 2020 Do smiled. |
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