Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, August 24 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Some tele@#$% called today, with the call display claiming "Private Caller". Well, I do have some not very bright acquaintances, who forge "Private Caller", and even my doctor's receptionist falls into that category. Caller: Hello? Me: Yellow Caller: Hello? Me: Yellow Caller: This is the (gobbledigook) bank cal Me: I don't deal with that bank Caller: We got a check here for you Me: Put it into my account or else stuff it where the sun don't shine. KLICK! I really don't have time for those idjits. Real banks don't call me if they have a check from or for me, and besides, they have my email address. Also, banks don't fake "Private Caller". Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award: Woman run over by train after stranger pushed mother onto tracks ______________________________________________________ Today, August 24 in 1572 The Catholics began their slaughter of the French Protestants in Paris. The killings claimed about 70,000 people. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
The greatest mistake is trying to be more agreeable than you can be. --- Walter Bagehot (1826 - 1877) Let's have some new cliches. --- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer. Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead. During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted, "Well, don't you have something to ask me?" Dave then got down on bended knee. "Honey," he said, "will you buy me a new computer?" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ >From Francisca Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several of us were standing around in our leotards chatting about fitness and diets. One woman said that her brother-in-law had quit smoking, gone on a diet and lost weight all at the same time. Thinking to myself that no human being could possibly do this without acquiring at least one other undesirable habit for compensation, I jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing instead of these things?" After a slight pause, she smiled and said, "Well, my sister is pregnant now." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ A wholesale dealer who had a lot of trouble in getting a certain retailer to pay his bills finally lost patience and wrote the merchant a threatening letter. He received the following reply: "Dear Sir: What do you mean by writing me a letter like that? Every month I place all my bills in a hat and then figure out how much money I have to pay on my accounts. Then I have my bookkeeper draw as many bills out of the hat as I have money to pay. If you don't like my way of doing business, I won't even put your bills in the hat." ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Brooklin, 28, Atlanta, Woman run over by train after stranger pushed mother onto tracks A Milwaukee woman was run over by a train in Atlanta, after investigators say a stranger pushed the woman's mother onto the tracks as the train approached. Katie Wenszell jumped onto the tracks to save her mother's life. The 28-year-old is now fighting for her own life. Wenszell and four of her sisters were in Atlanta with their mother for a girl's trip when the unthinkable happened. It was supposed to be a memorable trip, but the memories made weren't what the family ever expected. "It's been up and down," said Jerry Wenszell, Katie's father. Jerry Wenszell was at home in Wisconsin when it happened. He got a call on Sunday, Aug. 19. "She said 'Mom and Katie have been involved in a train accident.' That's just not a normal statement. That just isn't," said Wenszell. The women were at Atlanta's Midtown MARTA station when investigators say Christopher Brooklin, 28, pushed Susan Wenszell onto the tracks. "Katie seeing this, as an oncoming train is coming, jumped down to move Sue off the tracks," said Jerry Wenszell. The train went over Katie and Susan Wenszell, and Katie was wearing a backpack. "She was caught and beaten between the railroad tracks and the undercarriage of the vehicle," said Jerry Wenszell. She was dragged and critically injured, while her mother was OK. She's fighting for her life at an Atlanta hospital, in a medically-induced coma, with broken bones in her face and a severely injured shoulder. Additionally, part of her foot had to be amputated. Her father called her a hero. "Had she not done that, my wife would be coming home in a funeral box," said Jerry Wenszell. Brooklin was arrested and charged with aggravated assault and battery. Jerry Wenszell said he plans to head to Atlanta Thursday, Aug. 23 to be with his daughter. Meanwhile, a GoFundMe.com account has been set up to help pay medical expenses. From Beth Re: Slow mail Dear Webby, My mail program is getting slower by the day, it seems. How do I fix that? Beth Dear Beth First clean out your IN mailbox. It should only have today's unread mail in it. (If you tell me I should do what I preach, you can get your own coffee!) While that may not be practical or possible, consider it a goal to strive towards. Move mail immediately, after glancing at it, to mailboxes that you name as: Urgent Soon Rainy-day Tips Ideas Friends Family Recipes Second, shorten your spam blacklist, or dump it. Spammers nowadays just forge their sending addresses anyway and never use the same one twice, so why bother with a huge blacklist? Just set the blacklist ot "age off" in 2 days. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. On a wall in a men's room: "My wife follows me everywhere" Written just below it: "I do not" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: "Your honor, a juror is asleep." The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Razor Blades in Matchbooks "Dear Dad," read the young soldier's first letter home. "I cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday I shot a polar bear." Several months later came another letter: "Dear Dad, I still cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday I danced with a hula girl." Two weeks later came yet another note: "Dear Dad, I still cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday the doctor told me I should have danced with the polar bear and shot the hula girl." Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Vaseline jar mystery menacing Calgary. |
___________________________________________________ An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and then sue the landowners for lots of money?" Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law. "No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items. She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her. "Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?" The clerk turned, looked her up and down, and smiled, "Not bad. Quite cute, actually! But this till won't work until I talk the manager into rebooting the computer." ____________________________________________________ | Today, August 24 in 0079 Mount Vesuvius erupted killing approximately 20,000 people. The cities of Pompeii, Stabiae and Herculaneum were buried in volcanic ash. 0410 The Visigoths overran Rome. This event symbolized the fall of the Western Roman Empire. 1456 The printing of the Gutenberg Bible was completed. 1572 The Catholics began their slaughter of the French Protestants in Paris. The killings claimed about 70,000 people. 1814 Washington, DC was invaded by British forces that set fire to the White House and Capitol. 1869 A patent for the waffle iron was received by Cornelius Swarthout. 1891 Thomas Edison applied for patents for the kinetoscope and kinetograph (U.S. Pats. 493,426 and 589,168). 1912 A four-pound limit was set for parcels sent through the U.S. Post Office mail system. 1932 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the U.S. non-stop. The trip from Los Angeles, CA to Newark, NJ, took about 19 hours. 1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) went into effect. The agreement was that an attack against one of the parties would be considered "an attack against them all." 1954 The Communist Party was virtually outlawed in the U.S. when the Communist Control Act went into effect. 1959 Three days after Hawaiian statehood, Hiram L. Fong was sworn in as the first Chinese-American U.S. senator while Daniel K. Inouye was sworn in as the first Japanese- American U.S. representative. 1963 John Pennel pole-vaulted 17 feet and 3/4 inches becoming the first to break the 17-foot barrier. 1968 France became the 5th thermonuclear power when they exploded a hydrogen bomb in the South Pacific. 1985 27 anti-apartheid leaders were arrested in South Africa as racial violence rocked the country. 1986 Frontier Airlines shut down. Thousands of people were left stranded. 1989 Pete Rose, the manager of the Cincinnati Reds, was banned from baseball for life after being accused of gambling on baseball. 1989 "Total war" was declared by Columbian drug lords on their government. 1989 The U.S. space probe Voyager 2, sent back photographs of Neptune. 1990 Iraqi troops surrounded foreign missions in Kuwait. 1991 Russian President Mikhail Gorbachev resigned as the head of the Communist Party. 1992 China and South Korea established diplomatic relations. 1998 U.S. officials cited a soil sample as part of the evidence that a Sudan plant was producing precursors to the VX nerve gas. And, therefore made it a target for U.S. missiles on August 20, 1998. 1998 A donation of 24 beads was made, from three parties, to the Indian Museum of North America at the Crazy Horse Memorial. The beads are said to be those that were used in 1626 to buy Manhattan from the Indians. 2001 In McAllen, TX, Bridgestone/Firestone agreed to settle out of court and pay a reported $7.5 million to a family in a rollover accident in their Ford Explorer. 2001 The remains of nine American servicemen killed in the Korean War were returned to the U.S. The bodies were found about 60 miles north of Pyongyang. It was estimated that it would be a year before the identies of the soldiers would be known. 2001 U.S. District Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly was randomly picked to take over the Microsoft monopoly case. The judge was to decide how Microsoft should be punished for illegally trying to squelch its competitors. 2001 NASA announced that operation of the Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite would end by September 30th due to budget restrictions. Though the satellite is best known for monitoring a hole in the ozone layer over Antarctica, it was designed to provide information about the upper atmosphere by measuring its winds, temperatures, chemistry and energy received from the sun. 2006 The planet Pluto was reclassified as a "dwarf planet" by the International Astronomical Union (IAU). Pluto's status was changed due to the IAU's new rules for an object qualifying as a planet. Pluto met two of the three rules because it orbits the sun and is large enough to assume a nearly round shape. However, since Pluto has an oblong orbit and overlaps the orbit of Neptune it disqualified Pluto as a planet. 2018 Do smiled. |
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