| Good Morning, Do! Thank you, Norm!! I really appreciate your help!! Today is Wednesday, June 21 ____________________________________________________ History: today, June 20 in 1989, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that burning the American flag as a form of political protest was protected by the First Amendment. ___________________________________________ Bonehead Cortland man arrested for possession of child pornography ___________________________________________________ Q To avoid situations in which you might make mistakes may be the biggest mistake of all. --- Peter McWilliams Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." --- Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000) ou are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light. --- Vicomte de Chateaubriand (1768 - 1848) Preserving health by too severe a rule is a worrisome malady. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) _____________________________________________________ Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband." ____________________________________________________ Save this for Thanksgiving: A HISTORY OF THANKSGIVING 1492 - Christopher Columbus discovers America, unless you count the native peoples already living there. Columbus doesn't. Columbus and crew celebrate by holding a dinner, giving thanks for their safe arrival. Embarrassment ensues when every Indian brings maize, and nobody brings pumpkin pie. 1620 - Pilgrim men invent sport of football to avoid helping clean up after Thanksgiving dinner. 1671 - First embarrassing drunken relatives at Thanksgiving dinner, as Captain John Smith's parents tell Pocahontas the "hilarious" old "I got lost in the maize" joke for the hundredth time. 1701 - At a historic Thanksgiving dinner, Dutch settlers unveil historic "Indians Give Us All Of Their Land Treaty." Due to an unfortunate oversight, the Indians are left off of the invite list, and the treaty is signed without them. 1776 - Excited that his British in-laws finally agreed to meet him for Thanksgiving dinner, silversmith Paul Revere rides through Boston announcing the news. Unfortunately, many colonists misinterpret his cry "the British are coming!" as a warning, leading to the Revolutionary War. 1812 - At an international Thanksgiving dinner, King George of England, still hurting from losing the Revolutionary War, challenges United States President James Madison to "best 2 out of 3." 1860 - At a Senate Thanksgiving dinner, the seven-year-old son of Alabama's Senator Richard Applebee insults the Senators from Massachusetts, New York, and Pennsylvania, sparking the Civil War. The tradition of the "children's table" is instituted in 1861. 1903 - Canada steals idea of Thanksgiving holiday, placing it in October, so they can say it was their idea first. 1928 - To commemorate "our nation's greatest era of prosperity that will last forever and ever," President Herbert Hoover dumps ceremonial ten thousand turkeys into the Potomac River. 1929 - Following the Great Stock Market Crash, thousands of men go Turkey Diving in the Potomac River. 1957 - Declaring her spicy stuffing "a communist threat to undermine my health via heartburn," Senator Joe McCarthy has his wife placed under arrest as a Soviet saboteur. 1969 - The world's largest Eat-In event goes sour. Thousands of hippies start having bad trips when bad "brown gravy" gets passed around. 1991 - When Dan Quayle takes ill on Thanksgiving; a turkey is sworn as Vice President for three days. No change is noticed. 1997 - Strong natural tranquilizer tryptophane is discovered in turkey. A Colombian cartel immediately starts selling "pure" turkey on the streets for $500 an ounce. Turkey farmers get involved in drive-by shootings, and the U.S. government declares a national fowl emergency. 2002 - America is on a terrorist alert. It is now against the law to stuff a turkey since anyone is suspicious of hiding explosives. George W. signs this law into Congress, during a patriotic speech he defends this decision claiming "the evil doers are just looking for any opportunity to show up at your dinner table." This Thanksgiving take a real good look at your relatives...and report any suspicious behavior to the CIA, FBI or your local police...who cares if it's grandma...it's your duty as an American... ___________________________________________________ One day this old lady walks into the doctors office and is shown into a room. When the doctor comes in and asks what the problem is she answers, "I have awful gas, but it doesn't bother me. You see, it's completely silent, and doesn't smell at all." So the doctor, after examining her thoroughly gives her some pills and tells her to take one everyday and come back in a week. So the old lady comes back, and when the doctor asks if her problem is any better she replies, "Well I don't know what you gave me but now my gas smells terribly!" The doctor replies "Well now that we've got your sinuses cleared up let's work on your hearing!" ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Musha for this Koroit-Boulder-Opal in Australia, which is probably the most fantastic Opal in the world! ___________________________________________________ A resolution was recently proposed in the UN to form a new union between the Turks and Kurds. This would create a new nation along the Iraq border to be called the Turds. France vetoed the measure citing historical rights to the name. ________________________________________________ Laura and Ron had a huge argument and ended up not talking to each other for days. Finally, on the third day, Ron asked where one of his shirts was. "Oh," Laura said, "So now you're speaking to me." Ron looked confused, "What are you talking about?" "Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" Laura challenged. "No," Ron said, "I just thought we were getting along." ___________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Charles Ramsey, 36, Cortlans, Illinois, USA Cortland man arrested for possession of child pornography A Cortland man is under arrest for possession of child pornography. The Illinois State Police says that 36-year-old Charles Ramsey was arrested last week after police searched a home in the 400 block of N. Charles Street in Cortland. Police had received information that Ramsey had images of child pornography in April which led to an investigation. Ramsey was taken to the DeKalb County Jail in Sycamore and later posted bond to be released. Ramsey is due in court on Wednesday. ___________________________________________________ "Johnny," said his teacher, "if coal is selling at $6 a ton and you pay your dealer $24, how many tons will he bring you?" "A little over three tons, ma'am," said Johnny. "Why, Johnny, that isn't right," said the teacher. "No, ma'am, I know it isn't," said Johnny, "but they all do it." __________________________________________________ Although he was a qualified meteorologist, a local broadcaster ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. In the blank he wrote quite honestly, "The climate didn't agree with me." ___________________________________________________ Amethyst Scepter with Hematite Needle Inclusions ___________________________________________________ A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large". Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows". The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a group of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"? The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"? ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Leonard RE: Smart filters Dear Webby, I understand how I can filter, for example, mail with "Biden" or "Trump" in the subject line. However, my Gramma's name is Mathilda Biden. I don't want her mail sent to hell. Leonard Dear Leonard In MailWasher, when you create a filter, it lets you select the RULES. For example CONTAINS, and there you use BIDEN. Then click on MORE RULES and in that select DOES NOT CONTAIN and for the criteria fill in MATHILDA or whatever she uses for her signature. Once you have made a filter or two, you will see that that is a strategy game, that you always win. You start to wish more spam arrives, so that you can trap it and send it to hell. For the action, you can select to just mark it for deleting, but list it, and if it works right, then after a few days change that to AUTOMATIC. Straight to hell, without even listing it. You can also take advantage of precedence. Use "Mathilda" and for the action use "Never send it to SPAM", then scoot that filter up above the one against Biden. Once Mathilda has been looked at, it will never been looked at again. Have FUN! DearWebby __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today June 21, in 1404, Owain Glyndwr established a Welsh Parliament at Machynlleth and was crowned Prince of Wales. 1788, The U.S. Constitution went into effect when New Hampshire became the ninth state to ratify it. 1834, Cyrus McCormick patented the first practical mechanical reaper for farming. His invention allowed farmers to more than double their crop size. 1859, Andrew Lanergan received the first rocket patent. 1893, The Ferris Wheel was introduced at the World's Columbian Exposition in Chicago, IL. 1913, Georgia Broadwick became the first woman to jump from an airplane. 1937, In Paris, Leon Blum's Popular Front Cabinet resigned. 1938, In Washington, U.S. President Roosevelt signed the $3.75 billion Emergency Relief Appropriation Act. 1940, Richard M. Nixon and Thelma Catherine Pat Ryan were married. 1941, German troops entered Russia on a front from the Arctic to Black Sea. 1942, Ben Hogan recorded the lowest score (to that time) in a major golf tournament. Hogan shot a 271 for 72 holes in Chicago, IL. 1945, Pan Am announced an 88-hour round-the-world flight at a cost of $700. 1954, The American Cancer Society reported significantly higher death rates among cigarette smokers than among non- smokers. 1954, NBC radio presented the final broadcast of "The Railroad Hour." 1954, Australian John Landy ran the mile in 3:58. He was the second person to achieve the feat. 1958, In Arkansas, a federal judge let Little Rock delay school integration. 1958, Linus Pauling and Detlev Bronke, both Americans, were elected to the Soviet Academy of Science. 1960, In Zurich, German, Armin Hary ran 100-meters in a record 10.0 seconds. 1963, In St. Louis, Bob Hayes set a record when he ran the 100-yard dash in 0:09.1. 1963, France announced that they were withdrawing from the North Atlantic NATO fleet, because everybody there talked Engrishs.. 1973, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states may ban materials found to be obscene according to local standards. 1974, The U.S. Supreme Court decided that pregnant teachers could no longer be forced to take long leaves of absence. 1985, Scientists announced that skeletal remains exhumed in Brazil were those of Nazi war criminal Josef Mengele. 1989, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that burning the American flag as a form of political protest was protected by the First Amendment. 2001, Former Haitian Army colonel Carl Dorelien taken into custody in Port St. Lucie. Dorelien had been in exile since 1994 when he was sentenced to life in prison for his role in a 1994 massacre. 2003, The fifth Harry Potter book, "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," was published by J.K. Rowling. Amazon.com shipped out more than one million copies on this day making the day the largest distribution day of a single item in e- commerce history. The book set sales records around the world with an estimated 5 million copies were sold on the first day. 2004, SpaceShipOne, designed by Burt Rutan and piloted by Mike Melvill, reached 328,491 feet above Earth in a 90 minute flight. The height is about 400 feet above the distance scientists consider to be the boundary of space. 2023, Do smiled.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Go to TOP
Well, Do , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name,
or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me.
I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly
from then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't
have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me.
I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription.
If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/sub.html
You can also UNsubscribe there.
If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter,
please unsubscribe by clicking the link below:
You are currently subscribed to the Regular HTML version with this address:
newsletter@newslettercollector.com
UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular HTMLversion Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter | . |
