Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, January 28  Voting is NOT fixed. You can vote, if you register, but not if you try to vote with the email confirmation request.  ___________________________________________________ Today, January 28 in  1980 Six Americans who had fled the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran, on November 4, 1979, left Iran using false Canadian diplomatic passports. The Americans had been hidden at the Canadian embassy in Tehran.  ______________________________________________________ 
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Today's Bonehead Award: Kansas woman pleads guilty to sexually abusing, starving 5-year-old boy  __________________________________________ In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) __________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  __________________________________________ >From Max During a long trip, my wife and I stopped at a gas station to, amongst other things, change our son's diaper. Being a considerate husband, I carried my son back to the men's room to take care of it, rather than letting my wife do it. I noted the baby changing station sign on the ladies' room door, but lack of one on the men's room door. Sure enough, upon entering the men's room, I saw the only available wall space was taken up by a condom machine. While taking my son back to give to my wife, I thought of the message the condom manufacturers might be trying to get across: "If you'd used our product, you wouldn't need a baby changing station in the men's' room." ________________________________________________`   ____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Elizabeth Francis John Alvin Carter Shawnee. Kansas 
 Kansas woman pleads guilty to sexually abusing, starving 5-year-old boy 
 A Kansas woman accused of sexually abusing and starving a 5-year-old boy has pleaded guilty. WDAF reports Elizabeth Francis pleaded guilty Tuesday to aggravated criminal sodomy and child abuse. She and the child's adoptive father, John Alvin Carter, both of Shawnee, were charged in Johnson County court in June. According to court documents, the couple starved the child so badly that he weighed only 28 pounds when he arrived at the hospital in December of 2018. Francis and Carter initially denied the abuse, but then Francis blamed Carter, her boyfriend, for being physical with her and the boy. Court documents say the child told the investigator that Francis also abused him. She was going to let me starve, and he would be dead, which the child said would make him cry, he told the investigator. When charges were filed, Johnson County District Attorney Steve Howe said, "Those who cannot protect themselves, we even have a higher duty to help them in these types of situations, and in these cases, small children are the most vulnerable," Francis will be sentenced on March 9. The case against Carter is ongoing. 
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Dorothea Re: Gmail to Junkmail  Dear Webby Hi Webby for some reason just recently your letter is going into my junk mail, Wish I knew why Dorothea  Dear Dorothea With Gmail it is safest to just make a filter to safeguard important mail. They keep messing with their rules and it is impossible to keep up with them. By the way, Dorothea, you are not the only one whose Humor Letter was sabotaged by Gmail. It seems, the sniveling ninnies got into a snit because I mentioned a competing browser. Have FUN! DearWebby 
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 Newfoundland's worst air disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna 152 passangers plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Newfoundland. Newfoundland search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and the passenger have been released from the Crown & Anchor, where they were successfully resussitated, and are helping with the digging. 
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 ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Make Beef Patties Inside Ziploc Bag By tiffanytallent1981 One of my absolute favorite meals is hamburgers. I always mix in at least 1-2 seasonings, the most flavorful for me being ranch and onion powders. I dread the mixing and shaping part though because bits of the ground beef sticks to my hands, as I roll and flatten. I racked my brain and tried different ways to pat out the beef. Then I thought if ziploc baggies don't stick to ground beef when you freeze them, maybe they'll work to pat out patties. I'm happy to say the baggies worked perfectly! I still added my seasonings in a bowl and rolled the hamburger around in it. Then I formed a semi ball and placed it in the baggy. I slowly pressed down to form a near perfect patty! I made four of these and not once did any stick!  A drop of cooking oil into each hand and nicely spread, works well for me. I usually add spices and finely cubed onion for extra flavor. I cut the Saran wrap in half lengthwise and fold it over each patty in a zig-zag manner. That way the "tower" of prepared patties can be taken out to the BBQ without worrying that they slip. The Saran wrap, actually the generic equivalent, is just barely sticky enough for the tower not to slip, but you can easily peel the patties off with BBQ tongs or a flipper. Have FUN! DearWebby  Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun  ____________________________________________________  
  
 
James Last Golden Hits Medley on brass 
 ___________________________________________________ THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas. Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade. Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war, haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary. Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future. After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq - ruled by a dick. ___________________________________________________ With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says "not yet." A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says "not yet." Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?" And the mother says, "When the baby cries." And they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?" The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it." ___________________________________________________ Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks IN GENERAL 1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home. DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine. 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label. ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his manners are. PERSONAL HYGIENE 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money. 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no- no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of her finger foods. DATING (Outside the Family) 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested:"I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago." 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. THEATER ETIQUETTE 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended. 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you. WEDDINGS 1. Livestock, usually, are a poor choice for a wedding gift. 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot. 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance. 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion. DRIVING ETIQUETTE 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight. 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. 5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession __________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today January 28 in 1521 The Diet of Worms began, at which Protestant reformer Luther was declared an outlaw by the Roman Catholic church. 1547 England's King Henry VIII died. He was succeeded by his 9 year-old son, Edward VI. 1788 The first British penal settlement in Australia was founded at Botany Bay. 1807 London's Pall Mall became the first street lit by gaslight. 1871 France surrendered in the Franco-Prussian War. 1878 The first telephone switchboard was installed in New Haven, CT. 1902 The Carnegie Institution was established in Washington, DC. It began with a gift of $10 million from Andrew Carnegie. 1909 The United States ended direct control over Cuba. 1915 The Coast Guard was created by an act of the U.S. Congress to fight contraband trade and aid distressed vessels at sea. 1916 Louis D. Brandeis was appointed by President Wilson to the U.S. Supreme Court, becoming its first Jewish member. 1918 The Bolsheviks occupied Helsinki, Finland. 1935 Iceland became the first country to introduce legalized abortion. 1945 During World War II, Allied supplies began reaching China over the newly reopened Burma Road. 1958 Construction began on first private thorium-uranium nuclear reactor. 1965 General Motors reported the biggest profit of any U.S. company in history. 1980 Six Americans who had fled the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran, on November 4, 1979, left Iran using false Canadian diplomatic passports. The Americans had been hidden at the Canadian embassy in Tehran. 1982 Italian anti-terrorism forces rescued U.S. Brigadier General James L. Dozier. 42 days before he had been kidnapped by the Red Brigades. 1986 The U.S. space shuttle Challenger exploded just after takeoff. All seven of its crewmembers were killed. 1994 In Los Angeles, Superior Court Judge Stanley Weisberg declared a mistrial in the case of Lyle Menendez in the murder of his parents. Lyle, and his brother Erik, were both retried later and were found guilty. They were sentenced to life in prison without parole. 1998 In Manilla, Philippines, gunmen held at least 400 children and teachers for several hours at an elementary school. 1999 Ford Motor Company announced the purchase of Sweden's Volvo AB for $6.45 billion. They then sold the automotive division to China for a tidy profit, but kept the highway truck division. 2002 Toys R Us Inc. announced that it would be closing 27 Toys R Us stores and 37 Kids R Us stores in order to cut costs and boost operating profits. 2019 Do smiled. 

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