Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, June 3 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Creep With His Phaser Set To Stun Tells Police He Is James Tiberius Kirk Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, June 3 in 1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a "space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule.  More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. --- Robert Frost Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. ---Leo Tolstoy (1828 - 1910) A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad. --- Bob Edwards ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ "How does Keli like being pregnant?" Sam asked his friend Greg. "Oh, she's not pregnant," Greg replied, "she's expecting." "What's the difference?" Sam pressed. "Well, Greg explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner, she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting me to rub her feet . . ." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ A friend was complaining that her boyfriend would not say. "I love you," even if explicitly asked to do so. The only exception, she said, was when they were in fact in the act of making love. Then, if asked, he would say the sacred words. I suggested that she should not take too much comfort in the exception. When making love, I explained, men will say anything. "He'd tell you he's the Easter Bunny if that's what he thinks you want to hear," I told her. The conversation rattled on from there. A couple of weeks later, she related the following. "We were in bed, making love. I said, 'Tell me you love me.'" He replied, 'I love you.' I said, 'Tell me you're the Easter Bunny.' He stopped for a second, and announced, 'I'm the Easter Bunny.' So I slapped him. "The poor guy probably still doesn't know what happened!" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  James Roger Bundrick, 56, Clearwater, Florida  Creep With His Phaser Set To Stun Tells Police He Is James Tiberius Kirk  A man arrested Monday for masturbating at a bus stop identified himself as James Tiberius Kirk upon his arrest by Florida police, according to court records. The perp claiming to be Captain Kirk was spotted around 11:20 AM vigorously stroking his penis that was under his shorts, reported a Clearwater patrolman. The action corrupted the public morals and sense of public decency, alleged investigators. After the defendant stroked himself for more than two minutes, a cop asked what he was doing. The defendant stated, 'I'm scratching myself.' Upon being arrested for disorderly conduct, the man said that he carried no ID, but gave his name as that of the commander of the starship USS Enterprise. Cops actually did a wants/warrant check on the Kirk name, which came back with negative results. Police subsequently used a facial recognition program to determine that Kirk was actually James Roger Bundrick, 56. In addition to the disorderly conduct rap, Bundrick was charged with a second misdemeanor, providing a false name to law enforcement. He is being held in the Pinellas County jail in lieu of $400 bond. Pictured above, Bundrick is a convicted felon who was released from state prison in August 2016 after serving nearly four years in custody on multiple felony charges. 
 Tech Support Pits From: Annie Re: Soft focus for picture  Dear Webby, How do I make a certain part of a picture sharply focused and the rest slightly out of focus? I need to highlight different parts of a machine to show what the instructions at that paragraph are all about. And I need some fsat and quick way of doing it, not messing around for hours with masks and tricky stuff. I use PSP. Thanks Annie  Dear Annie Use the rounded rectangle selector or the lassoo in point to point mode and select the part that you want sharp. CTRL SHIFT I or mouse to Selection, Invert Now you have everything except that part "selected". SHIFT B brings up the Brightness / Contrast setting. Increase brightness and reduce contrast. That will lighten and soften the current selection (which is inverted, the opposite of the original selection). Have FUN DearWebby    
 The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at." 
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 The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's birthday. "A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk. "You bet," answered the customer. "She's expecting a cruise." 
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 Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty. "Hello," said the Father, "And hows Mrs. O'Donovan, didn't I marry you two years ago?" "You did that, Father." "And are there any little ones yet?" "No, not yet, Father." "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you." "Thank you, Father." And away she went. A few years later they met again. "Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?" "Oh, so-so," said she. "And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?" "Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles--ten in all." "Now isn't that wonderful," he said, "And how is your lovely husband?" "Oh," she said, "he's over in Rome to blow up that bloody candle of yours!" ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Emergency Gift Box  Take nice but unwanted items that were received for the holidays and put them in a box for emergency gifts. Also, buy good gift items on sale or at garage sales. That way you never have to run out and buy a gift at the last minute. By Erin  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  Thanks to Dianne for this story: Two mothers are having a conversation about their children one day. "How do you get your Marvin up so early on school mornings?" asks Joan. "Oh, that's easy," replies Marianne. "I just throw the cat on his bed." "Why does that wake him up?" "He sleeps with the dog!"  
They just don't make vacations like they used to.
 ___________________________________________________ Wendy was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the baking powder on the top shelf of a cabinet. Being only five feet tall, Wendy had to stretch, but still couldn't grab the box. Fortunately, her husband was six-feet-tall so she called him to help. "Hey, James!" Wendy yelled , who was in the living room. "Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?" "Sure, Honey," James remarked as he bounded into the kitchen. "But next time, I'd prefer the title 'Your Highness.'" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ____________________________________________________ My friend Don, a minor-league umpire, is used to being heckled by fans. But imagine his surprise when he was rushing to umpire an exhibition game at Coors Field in Denver. After a long search for a place to change clothes, Don finally located a room with a neatly lettered sign: "Dressing Room, Umpires Only." As he was about to go in, however, he inspected the sign more closely. Below the printed legend was the same message... written in Braille. ____________________________________________________  
 Today, June 3 in 1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade seized Antioch, Turkey. 1539 Hernando De Soto claimed Florida for Spain. 1621 The Dutch West India Company received a charter for New Netherlands (now known as New York). 1800 John Adams moved to Washington, DC. He was the first President to live in what later became the capital of the United States. 1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tripoli was completed in the captain's cabin on board the USS Constitution. 1851 The New York Knickerbockers became the first baseball team to wear uniforms. 1856 Cullen Whipple patented the screw machine. 1918 The Finnish Parliament ratified its treaty with Germany. 1923 In Italy, Benito Mussolini granted women the right to vote. 1932 Lou Gehrig set a major league baseball record when he hit four consecutive home runs. 1937 The Duke of Windsor, who had abdicated the British throne, married Wallis Warfield Simpson. 1938 The German Reich voted to confiscate so-called "degenerate art." 1952 A rebellion by North Korean prisoners in the Koje prison camp in South Korea was put down by American troops. 1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a "space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule. 1970 Har Gobind Khorana and colleagues announced the first synthesis of a gene from chemical components. 1989 Chinese army troops positioned themselves to begin a sweep of Beijing to crush student-led pro-democracy demonstrations in Tiananmen Square. 1999 Slobodan Milosevic's government accepted an international peace plan concerning Kosovo. NATO announced that airstrikes would continue until 40,000 Serb forces were withdrawn from Kosovo. 2003 Sammy Sosa (Chicago Cubs) broke a bat when he grounded out against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. The bat he was using was a corked bat. 2003 Toys "R" Us, Inc. announced that it had signed a multi-year agreement with Albertson to become the exclusive toy provider for all of all of Albertson's food and drug stores. 2018 Do smiled. 

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