Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, June 3 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Creep With His Phaser Set To Stun Tells Police He Is James Tiberius Kirk Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, June 3 in 1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a "space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. --- Robert Frost Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. ---Leo Tolstoy (1828 - 1910) A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad. --- Bob Edwards ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "How does Keli like being pregnant?" Sam asked his friend Greg. "Oh, she's not pregnant," Greg replied, "she's expecting." "What's the difference?" Sam pressed. "Well, Greg explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner, she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting me to rub her feet . . ." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ A friend was complaining that her boyfriend would not say. "I love you," even if explicitly asked to do so. The only exception, she said, was when they were in fact in the act of making love. Then, if asked, he would say the sacred words. I suggested that she should not take too much comfort in the exception. When making love, I explained, men will say anything. "He'd tell you he's the Easter Bunny if that's what he thinks you want to hear," I told her. The conversation rattled on from there. A couple of weeks later, she related the following. "We were in bed, making love. I said, 'Tell me you love me.'" He replied, 'I love you.' I said, 'Tell me you're the Easter Bunny.' He stopped for a second, and announced, 'I'm the Easter Bunny.' So I slapped him. "The poor guy probably still doesn't know what happened!" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by James Roger Bundrick, 56, Clearwater, Florida Creep With His Phaser Set To Stun Tells Police He Is James Tiberius Kirk A man arrested Monday for masturbating at a bus stop identified himself as James Tiberius Kirk upon his arrest by Florida police, according to court records. The perp claiming to be Captain Kirk was spotted around 11:20 AM vigorously stroking his penis that was under his shorts, reported a Clearwater patrolman. The action corrupted the public morals and sense of public decency, alleged investigators. After the defendant stroked himself for more than two minutes, a cop asked what he was doing. The defendant stated, 'I'm scratching myself.' Upon being arrested for disorderly conduct, the man said that he carried no ID, but gave his name as that of the commander of the starship USS Enterprise. Cops actually did a wants/warrant check on the Kirk name, which came back with negative results. Police subsequently used a facial recognition program to determine that Kirk was actually James Roger Bundrick, 56. In addition to the disorderly conduct rap, Bundrick was charged with a second misdemeanor, providing a false name to law enforcement. He is being held in the Pinellas County jail in lieu of $400 bond. Pictured above, Bundrick is a convicted felon who was released from state prison in August 2016 after serving nearly four years in custody on multiple felony charges. Tech Support Pits From: Annie Re: Soft focus for picture Dear Webby, How do I make a certain part of a picture sharply focused and the rest slightly out of focus? I need to highlight different parts of a machine to show what the instructions at that paragraph are all about. And I need some fsat and quick way of doing it, not messing around for hours with masks and tricky stuff. I use PSP. Thanks Annie Dear Annie Use the rounded rectangle selector or the lassoo in point to point mode and select the part that you want sharp. CTRL SHIFT I or mouse to Selection, Invert Now you have everything except that part "selected". SHIFT B brings up the Brightness / Contrast setting. Increase brightness and reduce contrast. That will lighten and soften the current selection (which is inverted, the opposite of the original selection). Have FUN DearWebby The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at." Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's birthday. "A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk. "You bet," answered the customer. "She's expecting a cruise." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty. "Hello," said the Father, "And hows Mrs. O'Donovan, didn't I marry you two years ago?" "You did that, Father." "And are there any little ones yet?" "No, not yet, Father." "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you." "Thank you, Father." And away she went. A few years later they met again. "Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?" "Oh, so-so," said she. "And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?" "Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles--ten in all." "Now isn't that wonderful," he said, "And how is your lovely husband?" "Oh," she said, "he's over in Rome to blow up that bloody candle of yours!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Emergency Gift Box Take nice but unwanted items that were received for the holidays and put them in a box for emergency gifts. Also, buy good gift items on sale or at garage sales. That way you never have to run out and buy a gift at the last minute. By Erin Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: Two mothers are having a conversation about their children one day. "How do you get your Marvin up so early on school mornings?" asks Joan. "Oh, that's easy," replies Marianne. "I just throw the cat on his bed." "Why does that wake him up?" "He sleeps with the dog!" | They just don't make vacations like they used to. |
___________________________________________________ Wendy was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the baking powder on the top shelf of a cabinet. Being only five feet tall, Wendy had to stretch, but still couldn't grab the box. Fortunately, her husband was six-feet-tall so she called him to help. "Hey, James!" Wendy yelled , who was in the living room. "Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?" "Sure, Honey," James remarked as he bounded into the kitchen. "But next time, I'd prefer the title 'Your Highness.'" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ My friend Don, a minor-league umpire, is used to being heckled by fans. But imagine his surprise when he was rushing to umpire an exhibition game at Coors Field in Denver. After a long search for a place to change clothes, Don finally located a room with a neatly lettered sign: "Dressing Room, Umpires Only." As he was about to go in, however, he inspected the sign more closely. Below the printed legend was the same message... written in Braille. ____________________________________________________ | Today, June 3 in 1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade seized Antioch, Turkey. 1539 Hernando De Soto claimed Florida for Spain. 1621 The Dutch West India Company received a charter for New Netherlands (now known as New York). 1800 John Adams moved to Washington, DC. He was the first President to live in what later became the capital of the United States. 1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tripoli was completed in the captain's cabin on board the USS Constitution. 1851 The New York Knickerbockers became the first baseball team to wear uniforms. 1856 Cullen Whipple patented the screw machine. 1918 The Finnish Parliament ratified its treaty with Germany. 1923 In Italy, Benito Mussolini granted women the right to vote. 1932 Lou Gehrig set a major league baseball record when he hit four consecutive home runs. 1937 The Duke of Windsor, who had abdicated the British throne, married Wallis Warfield Simpson. 1938 The German Reich voted to confiscate so-called "degenerate art." 1952 A rebellion by North Korean prisoners in the Koje prison camp in South Korea was put down by American troops. 1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a "space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule. 1970 Har Gobind Khorana and colleagues announced the first synthesis of a gene from chemical components. 1989 Chinese army troops positioned themselves to begin a sweep of Beijing to crush student-led pro-democracy demonstrations in Tiananmen Square. 1999 Slobodan Milosevic's government accepted an international peace plan concerning Kosovo. NATO announced that airstrikes would continue until 40,000 Serb forces were withdrawn from Kosovo. 2003 Sammy Sosa (Chicago Cubs) broke a bat when he grounded out against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. The bat he was using was a corked bat. 2003 Toys "R" Us, Inc. announced that it had signed a multi-year agreement with Albertson to become the exclusive toy provider for all of all of Albertson's food and drug stores. 2018 Do smiled. |
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Go to TOP
Well, Do , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name,
or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me.
I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly
from then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't
have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me.
I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription.
If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/sub.html
You can also UNsubscribe there.
If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter,
please unsubscribe by clicking the link below:
You are currently subscribed to the Regular HTML version with this address:
newsletter@newslettercollector.com
UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular HTMLversion Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter | . | Search the web for:
Recommended Resources Find a human
Bypass voice menus
Web Tools
handy program downloads
SPAM CONTROL made Easy!
Click here for a FREE
30 day trial
This is the Mail Washer that I use and have
used for over 10 years. I have tested many
others, but Mail Washer is still The Best
spam control Crap Cleaner Safely get rid of
tons of useless crap left over from
old, obsolete updates, temp files, lost
file fragments, etc.
STILL FREE
As a matter of fact this service do my essays regularly when I send my request. Babelfish Translator Converter Urban Legends
Truth or Hoax?
Check before believing chain letters
Great tool for getting rid of
spy-ware and mal-ware. Still FREE
STUDENTS! We can write your essays, reviews, dissertations, etc. at DoMyEssay.net Virus Hoaxes
Virus / Trojan / Malware Info
Straight from McAfee Threat Center
FREE HTML Course !
Get the REAL McAfee
at incredible discount!
used and
Highly recommended
by Dear Webby
This Undeleter will easily and securely recover deleted files from hard drives, flash drives, USB external drives, Zip drives, Firewire drives, digital camera cards, and more. This powerful recovery software can recover deleted files from most data loss scenarios.
Is your data worth recovery? SmartFix The ONLY Registry Fixer, that I recommend!
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price! Roboform, still the best password manager.
Still FREE
Highly recommended by DearWebby
FREE, no fuss download!
Domain Name registration:
Discuss your needs first, don't just register a name, that might not be good for you! Ask DearWebby first. That will save you a lot of money!
YOUR OWN
Postcard Site ! You too can easily have a postcard site for business or fun.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Cumuli Ezine Finder: Etiquette To Get Read
Ebook with power tips
for effective writing,
by DearWebby
Ads are $50 per month for subscribers only.
$60 per month for anybody else.
Dear Bubba
All is forgiven. I still love you. Please come back!
Ps. Congratulations on your lottery win!
Your Betty-Sue
That could be YOUR ad for $50 per week.
Subscribers only!
Nudist Colony of Alberta
Closed for the season
Space Weather
Solar storms, Auroras
Thesaurus
NASA Multimedia Gallery Sky Map: the interactive planetarium of the Web
Sky Watch: Calendar of celestial events
Weather Underground
Maps and Satellite
Click a meal to a homeless vet!
HungerSite
A free click donates a cup of food to a hungry person.
The number of mammograms donated thanks to clicks has dropped quite noticeably when these two ladies went away. So here they are back, working hard to get you to click. Donate by clicking on them!
BreastCancer Site
A free click helps to donate mammograms to women who can not afford one.
Feed the Animals!
Animal Rescue
Do, Please Feed Dear Webby!
Privacy Policy
Unique visitors since 1/1/11
Have FUN
Dear Webby
CEO of Webby, Inc
DearWebby @ webby.com
Box 646
Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0
Canada |
|
