Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, January 20 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today, January 20, in 1265 The first English parliament met in Westminster Hall and decided that 30 kids should outvote a teacher and give priority to playing in mud puddles over learning to read and write. ___________________________________________________ If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) "Prediction is very difficult, especially if it's about the future." --- Nils Bohr Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. --- Carl Bard ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Brandon, Florida woman arrested for enabling her friend to drive drunk ____________________________________________________ >From Dr Moe -If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive. -I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you. -Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water. -I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it the computer will say, "Your password is incorrect." -Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. -I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once. -If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. -Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don't care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them. -Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected? -Take my advice I'm not using it. -My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met. -I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious. -Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were. -Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer. -I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust. -Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool. -I'll bet you $4,567 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie. -Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. -If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants. -A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. -Ever stop to think and forget to start again? -When I married Ms. Right, I had no idea her first name was Always. -My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver's test--the other two guys managed to jump out of her way. -There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking. -Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking. -Give me ambiguity or give me something else. -He who laughs last thinks slowest. -Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly? -Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type. -I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one. -Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. -The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have to mow it. -I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me. -I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it. -If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. -Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep. -If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie? -Money is the root of all wealth. -No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. ____________________________________________________   Bryan Byrnes Photography Eagle Harbor Lighthouse ____________________________________________________ An English professor announced to the class; "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool." From the back of the room a voice called out, "So, what word is gross and which one is cool ?" ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Michelle English, 45, Lucretia Bruno, 47, Brandon, Florida, USA  Brandon, Florida woman arrested for enabling her friend to drive drunk  Nearly two months after deputies arrested the driver involved in a deadly DUI crash, Polk County investigators said they made a second arrest after a woman gave her car keys to her friend, knowing she was intoxicated. On Wednesday, Polk County deputies said they arrested 45- year-old Michelle English, a Brandon woman, for culpable negligent manslaughter. They said on November 24, English and 47-year-old Lucretia Bruno were together. The sheriff's office provided the following timeline on what occurred that day: Around 4 p.m., Bruno began drinking after meeting English at Brewlands Bar and Billiards in Lakeland. About an hour later, they traveled separately one mile down the road to Lucky's Bar in Lakeland, and Bruno continued drinking. While there, English and other witnesses noticed Bruno's impairment. Investigators said Bruno was "unstable and intoxicated," based on security footage. Around 7:40 p.m., Bruno drove to the Wawa's convenience store at 4328 U.S. Highway 98, entered the building, and ordered a sandwich. "Security video shows that while Bruno attempted to pay for the item, she was unstable on her feet, was swaying, and had difficulty paying with her credit card," according to a news release from the agency. "The clerk, recognizing that Bruno appeared to be very intoxicated, attempted to take Bruno's car keys from her, but Bruno pulled them back from the clerk's hands." Then, detectives said Bruno entered the gas station bathroom where she dropped her keys. She returned to her car without them. Meanwhile, another customer found the keys and turned them into the clerk at the register. A store employee contacted the Lakeland Police Department and explained their interaction with Bruno, saying she was intoxicated. Officer arrived and found Bruno. They said she had vomited on herself. She wasn't arrested for DUI since she didn't have her keys and officers were "unable to show evidence of her being in control of the vehicle." Those officers contacted English, who said she would agree to pick up Bruno and drive her home, according to Polk County detectives. The Lakeland officer watched as English and Bruno left the Wawa parking lot in English's vehicle. "A few minutes after the LPD officers left the parking lot, a witness observed English returning to the store parking lot with Bruno. Bruno exited the vehicle and went to her car where she sat in the driver's seat," according to the Polk County Sheriff's Office. English entered the store, retrieved Bruno's car keys, and handed them to her, detectives said. "The clerk thought English was picking up the keys to retrieve the car, not realizing English was going to give them to Bruno and allow her to drive," officials noted in their report. "English, knowing Bruno was intoxicated and after being told by LPD officers Bruno could not drive, gave Bruno the car keys and watched as Bruno drove her car from the store." Detectives said nine minutes and seven miles later, Bruno was driving on Interstate 4. Around 8:45 p.m. a pickup truck and car were pulled off to the side of westbound I-4 after getting into a minor crash not far from Kathleen Road. The drivers had already exchanged information and were preparing to pull out when Bruno's white Ford Fusion began swerving toward them. She crashed into the driver of the truck, a Holiday man, killing him. Detectives have not publicly identified him. "Both of these women are responsible for this senseless death. If English had been a good friend she would have never let Bruno behind the wheel of a vehicle," Sheriff Grady Judd said in a statement. "Instead, nine minutes and seven miles after handing her intoxicated friend the keys to her car, a man's life was needlessly lost." Sign up for FOX 13's daily newsletter During a Thursday afternoon press conference, Judd said this was the first time in the history of the sheriff's office that they've brought this charge on this set of circumstances. "[English] directly contributed to the death of our victim by allowing Ms. Bruno to have those keys and to drive away from the Wawa station despite the fact she was intoxicated, she was smashed, she was ripped, she was drunk, she was everything you could think of," the sheriff said. "[Bruno] was not just intoxicated, she was rip-roaring drunk. She was a 0.207 on the breathalyzer that night, hours after the crash." English was arrested and taken to Hillsborough County Jail. She will eventually be transferred to the Polk County Jail.  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  From: Chantel Re: Lyrics Dear Webby, Thanks very much for the wonderful humor letters. They sure cheer up my day.Keep up the good work.Can You please send me some names of websites where you can find song lyrics? Bye! Chantel.  Dear Chantel Try http://www.lyricsworld.com/ Have FUN! DearWebby 
 Only in Oklahoma can you hear: "You wanna Coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr. Pepper." "Sorry, we only got Pepsi" 
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 _____________________________________________  A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter. ______________________________________________ Thanks to the folks from Erie for this one: Three old ladies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then an old man walked by, and one of the old ladies said, "We bet we can tell how old you are." The old man said "there ain't no way you can guess it". One of the old ladies said: "Sure we can. Drop your pants!" He did. The old ladies stared at him for a while and then they all piped up and said, "You're 84 years old!" The old man was stunned. "Amazing. How did you guess that?" The old ladies, laughing and slapping their knees, "You told us yesterday". ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 "How long have you been driving without a tail light, buddy?" demanded the policeman. The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a low moan. His distress was so great that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit. "Aw, come now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious." "It isn't?" cried the motorist. "What happened to my trailer and my boat and 8 cases of beer?" ___________________________________________________  
 Today, January 20, in 1265 The first English parliament met in Westminster Hall and decided that 30 kids should outvote a teacher and give priority to playing in mud puddles over learning to read and write. 1839 Chile defeated a confederation of Peru and Bolivia in the Battle of Yungay. 1841 The island of Hong Kong was ceded to Great Britain. It returned to Chinese control in July 1997. 1885 The roller coaster was patented by L.A. Thompson. 1886 The Mersey Railway Tunnel was officially opened by the Prince of Wales. 1887 The U.S. Senate approved an agreement to lease Pearl Harbor in Hawaii as a naval base. 1891 James Hogg took office as the first native-born governor of Texas. 1892 The first official basketball game was played by students at the Springfield, MA, YMCA Training School. 1929 The movie "In Old Arizona" was released. The film was the first full-length talking film to be filmed outdoors. 1937 Franklin Delano Roosevelt became the first U.S. President to be inaugurated on January 20th. The 20th Amendment of the U.S. Constitution officially set the date for the swearing in of the President and Vice President. 1942 Nazi officials held the Wannsee conference, during which they arrived at their "final solution" that called for exterminating Europe's Jews. 1944 The British RAF dropped 2,300 tons of bombs on Berlin. 1952 In Juarez, Mexico, Patricia McCormick debuted as the first professional woman bullfighter from the United States. 1953 "Studio One" became the first television show to be transmitted from the United States to Canada. 1954 The National Negro Network was formed on this date. Forty radio stations were charter members of the network. 1972 The number of unemployed in Britain exceeded 1 million. 1981 Iran released 52 Americans that had been held hostage for 444 days. The hostages were flown to Algeria and then to a U.S. base in Wiesbaden, West Germany. The release occurred minutes after the U.S. presidency had passed from Jimmy Carter to Ronald Reagan. 1985 The most-watched Super Bowl game in history was seen by an estimated 115.9 million people. The San Francisco 49ers defeated the Miami Dolphins, 38-16. Super Bowl XIX marked the first time that TV commercials sold for a million dollars a minute. 1986 The U.S. observed the first federal holiday in honor of slain civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. 1986 Britain and France announced their plans to build the Channel Tunnel. 1986 New footage of the 1931 "Frankenstein" was found. The footage was originally deleted because it was considered to be too shocking. 1987 Anglican Church envoy Terry Waite was kidnapped in Beirut, Lebanon. He was there attempting to negotiate the release of Western hostages. He was not freed until November 1991. 1994 Shannon Faulkner became the first woman to attend classes at The Citadel in South Carolina. Faulkner joined the cadet corps in August 1995 under court order but soon dropped out. 1996 Yasser Arafat was elected president of the Palestinian Authority and his supporters won two thirds of the 80 seats in the Legislative Council. 1997 Bill Clinton was inaugurated for his second term as president of the United States. 1998 American researchers announced that they had cloned calves that may produce medicinal milk. 1998 In Chile, a judge agreed to hear a lawsuit that accused Chile's former dictator Augusto Pinochet with genocide. 1999 The China News Service announced that the Chinese government was tightening restrictions on internet use. The rules were aimed at 'Internet Bars.' 2000 Greece and Turkey signed five accords aimed to build confidence between the two nations. 2021 Do smiled. 

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