Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, September 16 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Sept 16 in 1400 Owain Glyndwr was proclaimed Prince of Wales after rebelling against English rule. He was the last Welsh-born Prince of Wales. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ The grass is always greener once you don't have to mow a lawn anymore. --- Randy K. Milholland ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. "Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out, 'Is that you, Jim ?' And that cured him." "Cured him?" asked the woman, "but how ?" The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Marion for this story: Three men died and went to heaven. St. Peter met them at the pearly gates and told the men that they would would each receive a car to drive. The only draw back was that they did not get to pick out the car they wanted, it was determined on how well they behaved on earth. St. Peter asked the first guy if he had ever cheated on his wife and he said, "Yes, I'm afraid I did one time." St. Peter told him that he would get a mid-size car to drive in heaven since he had cheated on his wife. St. Peter asked the second guy if he had cheated on his wife. "Yes, I'm afraid that I did twice during the time we were married," replied the second man. St. Peter told him that he would receive a compact car to drive in heaven. The third man was asked the same question and he replied, "No I am happy to report that I was happily married and never cheated on my wife!" St. Peter congratulated him and gave him a luxury car to drive in heaven. One day the first two men saw the man in the luxury car crying at a stop light and asked him why he was crying. After all he had gotten a luxury car. He replied, "I just saw my wife go by, and she was on a skate board with the front wheels missing!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Victor Walter Apeler, 46 Blake Lee Waller, 42, Jacksonville, Florida Florida men caught hauling away stolen power pole atop Kia Perhaps the alleged thieves thought no one would believe that the massive item on top of their van was stolen. Needless to say, their plans to steal a 30-foot power pole didn't go as planned. The Jacksonville Sheriff's Office (JSO) in Florida arrested two men on Wednesday for trying to steal the essential item. Apparently, a resident helped spot the oddity and called the police. In the photo posted by JSO, it looks as if the men tried tying the pole to the top of their vehicle - not obvious at all. The Florida Times-Union reported that the pole apparently came from a bridge over the Intracoastal Waterway. In fact, an officer heading to the scene spotted the hole from which the large metal item was stolen. One of the men who had been placed under arrest said the pole was lying in the road and he was just trying to move it out of the way. However, he had no answer for police when they asked why he didn't just roll it to the side. The suspects have since been identified as 42-year-old Blake Lee Waller and 46-year-old Victor Walter Apeler. And further investigation may have revealed their true goal for the power pole. The newspaper reported that Apeler had completed 73 pawn transactions so far in the year - all but one of them dealing in scrap metal. The pole itself has an estimated value of $2,500. Both men now face charges of grand theft. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: Sort, delete files Dear Webby, is there a way to view files/folders and delete the one's you don't want? thanks, daniel Dear Daniel Right-click on START select EXPLORE Once you are in there, click on TOOLS FOLDER OPTIONS In TASKS, select Windows Classic Folders. Hit OK Click on FOLDERS to split the screen with folders on the left and files on the right. Now you can select the folders on the left, and whichever one you got highlighted, has it's files shown on the right. When you double-click a file on the right, it opens. Hitting delete on a highlighted file, deletes it. You can also drag files to any of the folders shown on the left. Have FUN! DearWebby Going to the front desk of New York's exclusive Pierre Hotel, Mr. Mendelbaum requested some stationery. The clerk asked, "Are you a guest at the hotel?" Mr. Mendelbaum snapped indignantly, "No, I am not a guest. I am paying $300 a day!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Banana Peel for Headache To get rid of a headache, place half of a banana peel across your forehead/temples and the other half, press against the back of your neck. Lay back and relax and watch your headache disappear! By Sheri S. from Macomb, MI Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Redneck windshield washer |
____________________________________________________ Minister, after listening to an impromptu campaign speech, "Before I vote for you for sheriff, I'd like to know if you partake of intoxicating beverages?" Candidate for sheriff, "Before I answer, tell me if this is an inquiry or an invitation." __________________________________________________ | | Got myself a chalkboard leg and went on a trip |
___________________________________________________ PATIENT REPORTS The following quotes are reported to have been taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians... * By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better. * Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. * On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared. * The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983. * Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. * I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor. * The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him. * Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. * The patient refused an autopsy. * The patient has no past history of suicides. * The patient expired on the floor uneventfully. * Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. * The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. * She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. * The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints. * The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed. * She is numb from her toes down. * The skin was moist and dry. * Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. * Coming from Detroit, this man has no children. * Patient was alert and unresponsive. * When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ From Donna In my opinion you are one of God's angels. At 77 years of age, it's lovely to have a friend like you to visit each morning. Blessings on you. Donna ___________________________________________ | Today, Sept 16, in 1400 Owain Glyndwr was proclaimed Prince of Wales after rebelling against English rule. He was the last Welsh-born Prince of Wales. 1620 The Mayflower departed from Plymouth, England. The ship arrived at Provincetown, MA, on November 21st and then at Plymouth, MA, on December 26th. There were 102 passengers onboard. 1630 The village of Shawmut changed its name to Boston. 1782 The Great Seal of the United States was impressed on document to negotiate a prisoner of war agreement with the British. It was the first official use of the impression. 1810 The Mexicans began a revolt against Spanish rule. Miguel Hidalgo y Costilla, a Catholic priest of Spanish descent, declared Mexico's independence from Spain in the small town of Dolores. 1893 The "Cherokee Strip" in Oklahoma was swarmed by hundreds of thousands of settlers. 1908 General Motors was founded by William Crapo "Billy" Durant. The company was formed by merging the Buick and Olds car companies. 1940 U.S. President Roosevelt signed into law the Selective Training and Service Act, which set up the first peacetime military draft in U.S. history. 1953 "The Robe" premiered at the Roxy Theater in New York. It was the first movie filmed in the wide screen CinemaScope process. 1953 The St. Louis Browns of the American League were given permission to move to Baltimore, MD, where they became the Baltimore Orioles. 1974 U.S. President Ford announced a conditional amnesty program for draft-evaders and deserters during the Vietnam War. 1976 The Episcopal Church formally approved women to be ordained as priests and bishops. 1982 In west Beirut, the massacre of hundreds of Palestinian men, women and children began in refugee camps of the Lebanese Christian militiamen. 1985 The Communist Party in China announced changes in leadership that were designed to bring younger officials into power. 1987 The Montreal Protocol was signed by 24 countries in an effort to save the Earth's ozone layer by reducing emissions of harmful chemicals by the year 2000. 1990 An eight-minute videotape of an address by U.S. President George H.W. Bush was shown on Iraqi television. The message warned that action of Saddam Hussein could plunge them into a war "against the world." 1994 Exxon Corporation was ordered by federal jury to pay $5 billion in punitive damages to the people harmed by the 1989 Exxon Valdez spill. 1994 Two astronauts from the space shuttle Discovery went on the first untethered spacewalk in 10 years. 1998 Universal paid $9 million for the rights to the Dr. Seuss classics "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and "Oh, the Places You'll Go." 2017 Do smiled. |
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