Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, March 6 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Mother drives into oncoming traffic, killing 6-year-old son in 4th DUI Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, March 6 in 1836 The thirteen-day siege of the Alamo by Santa Anna and his army ended. The Mexican army of three thousand men defeated the 189 Texas volunteers. "Remember the Alamo!" See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. --- John Lennon (1940 - 1980) Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. --- John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963) When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong-- or absolutely right. --- Albert Guinon "This is a new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale." --- Rita Rudner ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this compilation: Laws Of The Natural Universe 1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. 2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. 5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. 6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time). 7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. 10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 11. Sporting Event Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last and during the most critical time in the game. 12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug. 15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are. 16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. 17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly. 18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet. 19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it ______________________________________________________ Bill and Doug were getting ready for the company awards dinner for the best salesman. Bill was in the running to win an award that evening and wanted to make sure he looked his best when he claimed his prize. He felt his luck was with him and was sure to win. He stood in front of the mirror to fix his tie but the mirror was crooked, so he reached over to straighten it out and it came crashing down on the floor. "Oh no," said Bill. "Now I am going to have seven years bad luck." "Nonsense," said Doug. My uncle once broke a mirror and he didn't have seven years bad luck." "Really?" said Bill, feeling much better knowing that. "Yeah really," said Doug. "He died that day." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth-control pills." Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?" The woman said, "Simple, I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Candace Jim, 40, Bloomfield, New Mexico Mother drives into oncoming traffic, killing 6-year-old son in 4th DUI A 6-year-old is dead and two other children are injured after police said their mother was driving drunk and rolled the family car. New Mexico State Police said Candace Jim was drunk when she crossed into oncoming traffic, overcorrected her 2003 Jeep and rolled it. Three children riding in the back seat -- 6-year-old twins and a 9- year-old -- were not wearing seatbelts and were thrown from the vehicle. One of the twins died, while the other is listed in critical condition. The 9-year-old is expected to be OK. Aaron Yazzie was riding in the passenger seat. He and Jim are facing child abuse charges and failure to use seatbelts charges. Jim is charged with multiple counts of child abuse, open container, and reckless driving, according to police. State police said the incident on Saturday was her 4th DWI. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jeanie Re: Sort Bookmarks in Chrome Dear Webby, Chrome seems to be the best browser nowadays, EXCEPT for dealing with Bookmarks. They totally fail at that. How do I sort them? Jeanie Dear Jeanie Yes, you are right. The yuppies totally fail to understand bookmarks. Try CTRL SHIFT O That gets you into unsorted bookmarks, they are there, but without dates! DUH! To sort them alphabetically, hit the 3 yuppie heads at the right top of the Bookmarks page. In there you can choose to sort alphabetically, which is usually totally useless. It shows the page titles, which are a nuisance at best, and totally useless most of the time. They are rarely descriptive and usually more akin to advertising. Usually it is faster to just google for whatever you need. You might not get the page you bookmarked, but one that has similar content. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. >Froom Cookie H And They Ask Why I Like Retirement ! Q: How many days in a week? A: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Q: When is a retiree's bedtime? A: Three hours after we fall asleep on the couch. Q: How many retirees to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but it might take all day or so. Q: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? A: There is not enough time to get everything done. Q: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? A: The term comes with a 10% percent discount. Q: Among retirees what is considered formal attire? A: Tied shoes. Q: Why do retirees count pennies? A: They are the only ones who have the time. Q: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? A: NUTS! Q: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? A: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. Q: What do retirees call a long lunch? A: Normal daily routine. Q: What is the best way to describe retirement? A: The never ending Coffee Break. Q: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? A: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. Q: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? A: He is too polite to tell the whole truth. My favorite one: Q: What do you do all week? A: Mon to Fri. Nothing, Sat & Sun I rest! | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
I come from a large family, five sisters and three brothers. My sisters and I were looking through the family photo album one day. Picture after picture, we were all dressed in matching clothes. I asked my mother why she dressed us all alike, right down to the baby. She explained, "When we had just four children, I dressed you alike so we wouldn't lose any of you. Then," she added, looking at the pictures in the album, "When the other four came along, I started dressing you alike so we won't pick up any that don't belong to us." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shopping For Parts When you go shopping for parts to repair your car, sewing machine, or any other device, write down the make and model number of what you are repairing so you can be sure to get the right part. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to com- ment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls. After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?" Without looking up from his newspaper he replied, "About 10 years." | The mystery manuscript found in a used copy of 'Alice in Wonderland' in a used book shop in Australia. |
Wife : What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night? Husband : Golfing with friends, my dear. Wife : What? At 2 a.m.? Husband : Yes. We used nightclubs. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, March 6 in 1521 Ferdinand Magellan discovered Guam. 1820 The Missouri Compromise was enacted by the U.S. Congress and signed by U.S. President James Monroe. The act admitted Missouri into the Union as a slave state, but prohibited slavery in the rest of the northern Louisiana Purchase territory. 1834 The city of York in Upper Canada was incorporated as Toronto. 1836 The thirteen-day siege of the Alamo by Santa Anna and his army ended. The Mexican army of three thousand men defeated the 189 Texas volunteers. "Remember the Alamo!" 1854 At the Washington Monument, several men stole the Pope's Stone from the lapidarium. 1857 The U.S. Supreme Court's Dred Scott decision ruled that blacks could not sue in federal court to be citizens. 1886 "The Nightingale" was first published. It was the first magazine for nurses. 1899 Aspirin was patented by German researchers Felix Hoffman and Hermann Dreser. 1900 In West Virginia, an explosion trapped 50 coal miners underground. 1901 An assassin tried to kill Wilhelm II of Germany in Bremen. 1907 British creditors of the Dominican Republic claimed that the U.S. had failed to collect debts. 1928 A Communist attack on Peking, China resulted in 3,000 dead and 50,000 fled to Swatow. 1939 In Spain, Jose Miaja took over the Madrid government after a military coup and vowed to seek "peace with honor." 1941 Les Hite and his orchestra recorded "The World is Waiting for the Sunrise". 1944 During World War II, U.S. heavy bombers began the first American raid on Berlin. Allied planes dropped 2000 tons of bombs. 1946 Ho Chi Minh, the President of Vietnam, struck an agreement with France that recognized his country as an autonomous state within the Indochinese Federation and the French Union. 1947 Winston Churchill announced that he opposed British troop withdrawals from India. 1947 The first air-conditioned naval ship, "The Newport News," was launched from Newport News, VA. 1957 The British African colonies of the Gold Coast and Togoland became the independent state of Ghana. 1960 Switzerland granted women the right to vote in municipal elections. 1960 The United States announced that it would send 3,500 troops to Vietnam. 1967 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson announced his plan to establish a draft lottery. 1970 Charles Manson released his album "Lies" to finance his defense against murder charges. 1973 U.S. President Richard Nixon imposed price controls on oil and gas. 1975 Iran and Iraq announced that they had settled their border dispute. 1980 Islamic militants in Tehran said that they would turn over American hostages to the Revolutionary Council. 1981 U.S. President Reagan announced a plan to cut 37,000 federal jobs. 1982 National Basketball Association history was made when San Antonio beat Milwaukee 171-166 in three overtime periods to set the record for most points by two teams in a game. The record was beaten on December 13, 1983 by the Pistons and the Nuggets when they played to a final score of 186-184 1983 The United States Football League began its first season of pro football competition. 1985 Yul Brynner played his his 4,500th performance in the musical "The King and I." 1987 The British ferry Herald of Free Enterprise capsized in the Channel off the coast of Belgium. 189 people died. 1990 In Afghanistan, an attempted coup to remove President Najibullah from office failed. 1990 The Russian Parliament passed a law that sanctioned the ownership of private property. 1991 In Paris, five men were jailed for plotting to smuggle Libyan arms to the Irish Republican Army. 1992 The computer virus "Michelangelo" went into effect. 1997 A gunman stole "Tete de Femme," a million-dollar Picasso portrait, from a London gallery. The painting was recovered a week later. 1997 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II launched the first official royal Web site. 1998 A Connecticut state lottery accountant gunned down three supervisors and the lottery chief before killing himself. 2018 Do smiled. |
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