Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, September 10 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Man robbed gas station; caught after he ran out of gas  Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Sept 19 in 1982 Scott Fahlman became the first person to use :-) in an online message. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Talk sense to a fool and h e calls you foolish. --- Euripides The sad truth is that excellence makes people nervous. --- Shana Alexander Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything. --- Herb Caen A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members. --- David Coblitz ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ When the waitress brought the customer the soup du jour, the man was a bit dismayed and said, "Good heavens! What is this?" "Why, it's bean soup," she replied. The man said, "I don't care what it has been. "What is it now?" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ "Old Jethro next door's a-makin' moonshine again." the wife told her husband. "How can you tell ?" he asked. "Did you smell it ?" "Nope. But a bunch of mice from his place came over here this morning and beat up our cats." ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Reported by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Sean Harris, 33, Laporte, Indiana  Man robbed gas station; caught after he ran out of gas  While making his getaway, a man suspected in robbing a LaCrosse gas station got caught after he ran out of gas. He also was allegedly intoxicated, according to LaPorte County Sheriff's police. Sean Harris, 33, is being held in jail without bail. He was arraigned Friday in LaPorte Circuit Court on a felony robbery charge. Police allege that late Wednesday morning the South Bend area man implied to a store clerk at the BP gas station in Lacrosse that he had a gun. He fled the store southbound on U.S 421 with an undisclosed amount of food and beverage items along with cigarettes. No money was taken and no weapon was displayed, said LaPorte County Police chief deputy Ron Heeg. He said Harris was eastbound on Ind. 8 in Starke County when an Indiana State Police trooper, attempting to the locate the getaway vehicle, found it stopped along the two-lane highway. A Starke County sheriff's deputy came along and assisted with the arrest, police said. Heeg said the suspect ran out of fuel and allegedly had a blood alcohol level higher than the limit for legally operating a motor vehicle.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Wes Re: Sorting by size Dear Webby, I used to be able to look at a directory of all my files on Windows to see if there were any big files that I could delete, but am unable to locate a way to do that now. Any answers, oh wise one??? wes  Dear Wes In the Windows File Explorer top is a rectangular icon with a few dots in it. Pull that one down and select DETAILS Now you see the column with file size. When you click on the header of that column, the files are sorted by size. Have FUN! DearWebby    
 A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong." 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Spaghetti from Boiling Over Add a teaspoon of olive oil to your spaghetti water to prevent it from boiling over. Butter or another vegetable oil can be substituted for olive oil. A pat of butter also works well to prevent rice from boiling over. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com   There is no need for long boiling! Save your money! Bring water, a titch of salt and a pat of butter to a boil, add the pasta slowly so as not to kill the boil, wait until you have a really rolling boil, cover it and turn the burner off. Cover the pot with a tea cozy or towel and let it sit until the pasta is tender, usually about 20 minutes. If the pasta is not served immediately, then before straining it through a colander, add half a cup of cold water and give it a quick stir. That way it does not glue to a lump, stays flexible and can be reheated when needed. DearWebby  ____________________________________________________  
  
 
If you're going 80 miles per hour, how long will it take you to go 80 miles?
 ____________________________________________________  Time to run this one again: JESUS AND SATAN ON THE COMPUTER Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally, God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test which will take two hours and I will judge who does the better job." So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But, ten minutes before the time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted computers. Satan started searching frantically screaming, "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!" Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all his files from the past 2 hours. Satan observed this and became even more irate. "Wait! He cheated! How did he do it?" God shrugged and said, "Jesus saves!" ---------------- The above is NOT a theological item, it's a pun intended to get you to hit CTRL S now and then. __________________________________________________  
 
The last eccentrics of the English estate. 
 ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Darlene for this story: A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?" 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ____________________________________________________ From Walt Just want to tell you that I really appreciate the effort you put into the Humor Letter. It is by far the best of all the newsletters I subscribe to. Walt  ____________________________________________________ 
 Today, Sept 19, in 1356 The Battle of Poitiers was fought between England and France. Edward "the Black Prince" captured France's King John. 1777 The Battle of Saratoga was won by American soldiers during the Revolutionary War. 1876 Melville R. Bissell patented the carpet sweeper. 1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was consented to giving all women in New Zealand the right to vote. 1955 Argentina President Juan Peron was ousted after a revolt by the army and navy. 1957 The U.S. conducted its first underground nuclear test. The test took place in the Nevada desert. 1959 Nikita Khruschev was not allowed to visit Disneyland due to security reasons. Khrushchev reacted angrily. 1960 Cuban leader Fidel Castro, in New York to visit the United Nations, checked out of the Shelburne Hotel angrily after a dispute with the management. 1982 Scott Fahlman became the first person to use :-) in an online message. 1983 Lebanese army units defending Souk el-Gharb were supported in their effort by two U.S. Navy ships off Beirut. 1984 China and Britain completed a draft agreement transferring Hong Kong from British to Chinese rule by 1997. 1986 U.S. health officials announced that AZT, though an experimental drug, would be made available to AIDS patients. 1988 Israel successfully launched the Horizon-I test satellite. 1990 Iraq began confiscating foreign assets of countries that were imposing sanctions against the Iraqi government. 1992 The U.N. Security Council recommended suspending Yugoslavia due to its role in the Bosnian civil war. 1994 U.S. troops entered Haiti peacefully to enforce the return of exiled President Jean-Bertrand Aristide. 1995 The commander of American forces in Japan and the U.S. ambassador apologized for the rape of a schoolgirl committed by three U.S. servicemen. 1996 The government of Guatemala and leftist rebels signed a peace treaty to end their long war. 2002 In Ivory Coast, around 750 rebel soldiers attempted to overthrow the government. U.S. troops landed on September 25th to help move foreigners, including Americans, to safer areas. 2003 It was reported that AOL Time Warner was going to drop "AOL" from its name and be known as Time Warner Inc. The company had announced its merger and name change on January 10, 2000. 2017 Do smiled.
 
 
 

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