Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, September 28 Thank you, Betty! ___________________________________________________ History on this day, september 28, in 1939, During World War II, Germany and the Soviet Union agreed upon a plan on the division of Poland. ____________________________________________________ international bonehead award  Ansonia "man"arrested for severely beating 6-week-old infant  ____________________________________________________ Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles. --- Pat Paulsen ___________________________________________________ The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest may in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000." Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000." Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again and he screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge." He sat down and an even larger chunk of plaster fell, this time hitting him on the head. He stood once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!" However, Little Johnny up in the choir loft, had run out of plaster, so he beaned him with a bible. ____________________________________________________ Things My Mother Taught Me My Mother taught me LOGIC... "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me." My Mother taught me MEDICINE... "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way." My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD... "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!" My Mother taught me ESP... "Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?" My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE... "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk back to me!" My Mother taught me HUMOR... "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT... "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up. My mother taught me about GENETICS... "You are just like your father!" My mother taught me about my ROOTS... "Do you think you were born in a barn?" My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE... "When you get to be my age, you will understand." My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... "Just wait until your father gets home." and my all time favorite thing - JUSTICE "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like." __________________________________________________  reported by Rock an international bonehead award has been earned by  Lamar Haney, 36, Ansonia, Connecticut, USA  Ansonia "man"arrested for severely beating 6-week-old infant  An Ansonia father is under arrest, accused of abusing his six-week-old child. Police arrested 36-year-old Lamar Haney Friday. Ansonia police received a call around 4 a.m Friday from the Department of Children and Families about a possible case of child abuse, according to police. Officers went to Yale New Haven Hospital where the child was being treated for multiple injuries, including a brain bleed, fractured ribs, a lacerated liver, and other injuries consistent with child abuse, police said. Police say Haney admitted to causing the injuries. Haney was charged with first-degree assault and held on $100,000 bond. He was scheduled to appear in court Friday. _____________________________________________________ The 5 Scariest Things in the Army! 1. A Private saying, "I learned this in basic training..." 2. A Sergeant saying, "Trust me, sir..." 3. A Second Lieutenant saying, "Based on my experience..." 4. A Captain saying, "I was just thinking..." 5. And a Warrant Officer chuckling, "Y'all watch this $%!#..." _____________________________________________________   _________________________________________________ Thanks to Connie for this joke: Friendship between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it, but two of them invited him to come on over and check for himself. Friendship between Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there. _____________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ Thanks to J.Falk for this story: "Dear Lord", the pastor began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you we are but dust. . " He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, what is 'butt dust' ?" _________________________________________________  Dearwebby's tech support pits From: Eloise Re: Sorting in WORD Dear Webby, Once upon a time, long, long ago, you told us how to quickly sort a list in WORD. Unfortunately, at the time I did not need that and did not pay attention. Can you please tell me again? Thanks Eloise  Dear Eloise Highlight what you want to sort, hit ALT F9 (or click on TOOLS, SORT, then choose if you want to sort the lines or paragraphs. If you are sorting email addresses that are one address per line, select LINE. If you are sorting physical addresses that are 4 or 5 lines per contact, make sure you have a paragraph break (empty line) between each address block. If your sort task spans many pages, it's usually best to temporarily copy the data to be sorted to a new file, sort it there, and then copy it back into the original document. Have FUN! Dear Webby ___________________________________________________ Mary was married to Charlie, a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. "That," he declared, "is woman's work!" One evening, Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that Charlie had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework, in addition to holding down a full-time job. The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her girlfriends at the office. "How did it work out?" they asked. Mary said, "Charlie even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away. I really enjoyed my evening." "But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. "It didn't work out," Mary said. "Charlie was too tired." _____________________________________________________ Here is an old favorite, requested again and again: Ode to the spellchecker Eye halve a spelling checker It came with my pea sea It plainly marks four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word and weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My checker tolled me sew. _____________________________________________ ophelia dingbatter's news no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________  today, september 28, in 1066, England was invaded by William the Conqueror who claimed the English throne. 1542, San Diego, CA, was discovered by Portuguese navigator Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo. 1687, The Turks surrendered Athens to the Venetians. 1781, During the Revolutionary War, American forces began the siege on Yorktown, VA. 1787, The U.S. Congress voted to send the new Constitution of the United States to the state legislatures for their approval. 1789, In the U.S., the first Federal Congress passed a resolution that asked President George Washington to recommend to the nation a day of thanksgiving. Several days later Washington issued a proclamation that named Thursday, November 26, 1789 as a "Day of Publick Thanksgivin." The fixed-date for Thanksgiving Day, the fourth Thursday of November, was established on December 26, 1941. 1850, The U.S. Navy abolished flogging as a form of punishment. 1850, U.S. President Millard Fillmore named Brigham Young the first governor of the Utah territory. In 1857, U.S. President James Buchanan removed Young from the position. 1892, The first nighttime football game in the U.S. took place under electric lights. The game was between the Mansfield State Normal School and the Wyoming Seminary. 1915, The British defeated the Turks in Mesopotamia at Kut- el-Amara. 1924, The first around-the-world flight was completed by two U.S. Army planes when they landed in Seattle, WA. The trip took 175 days. 1936, "Bachelor's Children" debuted on CBS Radio. 1939, During World War II, Germany and the Soviet Union agreed upon a plan on the division of Poland. 1944, "The Boys From Boise" was shown on WABD in New York as the first full-length comedy written for television. 1950, The United Nations admitted Indonesia. 1968, The Atlanta Chiefs won the first North American Soccer League Championship. 1972, Communist China and Japan agreed to re-establish diplomatic relations. 1974, First Lady Betty Ford underwent a mastectomy to remove a lump in her breast. 1978, Heavy fighting occurred in Lebanon between Syrian peacekeeping troops and Lebanese Christian militiamen. 1978, Don Sherman, editor of Car & Driver, set a new Class E record in Utah. Driving the Mazda RX7 he reached a speed of 183.904 mph. 1990, The Game Boy handheld video game device was released in Europe. 1991, In response to U.S. President Bush's reduction of U.S. nuclear arms Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev promised to reciprocate. 1995, Yasser Arafat of the PLO and Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin signed an accord that transferred control of the West Bank. 1997, The 103rd convention of the Audio Engineering Society (AES) was held in New York City, NY. The official debut of the DVD format was featured. 2000, The U.S. Federal Drug Administration approved the use of RU-486 in the United States. The pill is used to induce an abortion. 2004, Nate Olive and Sarah Jones arrived at the U.S.-Mexico border to complete the first known continuous hike of the 1,800-mile trail down the U.S. Pacific Coast. They started the trek on June 8. 2009, The iTunes Music Store reached 2 billion applications downloaded. 2022 Do! smiled.