Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, April 24 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Entitlement class royal arrested for assault with hot coffee and pepper spray Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, April 24 in 1967 - The newest Greek regime banned miniskirts. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers. --- Richard Feynman (1918 - 1988) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Subject: WHY SOME ATHLETES CAN'T HAVE REGULAR JOBS...... 1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me." 2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.." 3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too." 4. Torrin Polk,University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings." 5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." 6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.." (Now that is beautiful) 7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height..," and, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle." 8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton ..." 9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." 10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is." 11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt. (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January) 12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'" 13 Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject." 14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford: "I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious." 15. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she's too ugly to kiss good-bye." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Skellig Michael, Ireland _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the Condo clubhouse, when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five finish playing the hand standing up. Then Finkelstein looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell his wife?" They draw straws and Goldberg picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. Goldberg says, "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet mensch you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Then Goldberg goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment and knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks what he wants. Goldberg declares, "Your husband just lost five hundred dollars in a poker game and is afraid to come home." Mrs. Meyerwitz yells, "TELL HIM HE SHOULD DROP DEAD!" And Goldberg says, "Okay, I'll go tell him." _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tiffany Evans,34, Dover, Delaware Entitlement class royal arrested for assault with hot coffee and pepper spray The use of hot coffee as a weapon appears to be on the rise and while official statistics are not known, it seems we are seeing more stories like the one in Dover, Delaware. 34-year-old Tiffany Evans is under arrest after she became enraged at a convenience store employee who was making her a sandwich and attacked. Thankfully, she didn't have a gun, but she did have hot coffee and pepper spray. A woman is facing multiple charges after police say she threw hot coffee on a Delaware store employee and used pepper spray over a food order. The Dover Police Department says on Wednesday, 34-year-old Tiffany Evans, of Dover, was arrested in connection to an assault the happened at WAWA, in the 1400 block of Forrest Avenue. Police say just after 8:45 PM, Evans placed an order for a sandwich and while the male employee was preparing the sandwich, Evans started to yell at him because she believed he was making a mistake. Officers say a female employee then told the 34-year-old to stop talking like that and that another sandwich would be made. According to the report, Evans began to argue with the female employee and she then threw a cup of hot coffee in the employee's face. Authorities say the incident caused burns to the woman's face. The coffee also reportedly hit the male employee, causing damage to his personal cell phone that was in his pocket and $200 worth of food products in the sandwich prep area. Dover PD says the victim then walked around the counter and continued to argue with Evans, who then pepper sprayed the employee in the face. It didn't take long for police to find Evans, but it did take time to clean up her mess. Evans then fled the scene in a white Honda Accord. Officers say the victim was taken by ambulance for minor injuries as a result of the hot coffee being thrown at her. The store was apparently forced to close for over an hour to allow the pepper spray to dissipate and cleanup the food prep area that was damaged by the thrown coffee. Law enforcement says Evans was identified by her tag number on her vehicle and later turned herself in to the Dover Police Department without incident. Evans was charged with assault 3rd degree, assault 2nd degree, offensive touching, criminal mischief (2x), terroristic threatening, and disorderly conduct. She was later released on a $7,800 unsecured bond. Tech Support Pits From: Wes Re: Tripod Sources Dear Webby, Can you give us a few websites or good tripods on eBay??? wes Dear Wes With tripods you have to check them out personally. The staff at camera stores rarely have a clue about tripods, and it's even worse on the net. First make sure that the rotator is not a threaded pipe or bolt. If it is, don't waste time on it. It's sloppy junk. It's OK if a bolt holds down the rotator or turntable, but if it rides up on the threads when you turn it, forget it. If it passed that all important Pass/Fail test, then put a camera with a long, heavy lens on it, focus on something very far away, and lock it in position while watching the viewfinder or LCD. Does the locking action move the focus three trees over, or does it stay put? All the rest is of minor importance. Have FUN DearWebby Our son, who's in the Army stationed in Georgia, invited my husband and me for a visit. After driving endlessly through unfamiliar streets in search of an entrance to Fort Stewart, my husband suddenly said, "We're getting closer." "How do you know?" I asked. He pointed to a sign that read, "Sonny's Bar & Grill -- Tank Parking Available." Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Thanks to Lori for this story: No matter how hard my mom tries, every plant or flower she has attempted to grow seems to wither and die an untimely death under her care. But she never gives up hope. While my sister was visiting home recently, she nudged me and pointed to a line of new plants placed by the kitchen window. "Look," she whispered, "death row." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Jennifer had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went. "Pretty good, I think," replied Jennifer, "but if I go to work there I won't get a vacation until I'm married." Her mother, of course, had never heard of such a thing. "Is that what they told you?" "No",replied Jennifer, "but right on the application it said 'vacation time may notbe taken until you've had your First Anniversary.'" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooking Ahead A lot of time cooking is spent waiting around for one thing or another to get done. Water needs to boil or the oven needs to heat up. Start working on tomorrow's meal with this time. You will appreciate the head start. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Is that more fun than doing your email in the meantime, until the smoke alarm, ahem, kitchen timer, goes off? Yeah, I read about your cooking '-) ____________________________________________________ A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix... The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the ultra sticky kind... Written in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon! Luv, from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week!" ___________________________________________________ I look forward to your email everyday. It is one that no matter how busy I am, I always read yours. It makes a busy hectic day worth it so when I get home, I get my chuckle and laugh. Donna NF ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, April 24 in 1519 - Envoys of Montezuma II attended the first Easter mass in Central America. 1547 - Charles V's troops defeated the Protestant League of Schmalkalden at the battle of Muhlburg. 1558 - Mary, Queen of Scotland, married the French dauphin, Francis. 1800 - The Library of Congress was established with a $5,000 allocation. 1805 - The U.S. Marines attacked and captured the town of Derna in Tripoli. 1833 - A patent was granted for first soda fountain. 1877 - Russia declared war on the Ottoman Empire. 1877 - In the U.S., federal troops were ordered out of New Orleans. This was the end to the North's post-Civil War rule in the South. 1884 - Otto von Bismarck cabled Cape Town that South Africa was now a German colony. 1889 - The Edison General Electric Company was organized. 1898 - Spain declared war on the U.S., rejecting America's ultimatum for Spain to withdraw from Cuba. 1915 - During World War I, the Ottoman Turkish Empire began the mass deportation of Armenians. 1916 - Irish nationalists launched the Easter Rebellion against British occupation forces. They were overtaken several days later. 1944 - The first B-29 arrived in China, over the Hump of the Himalayas. 1955 - "X-Minus One," a science fiction show, was heard for the first time on NBC radio. 1961 - U.S. President Kennedy accepted "sole responsibility" following Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba. 1962 - MIT sent a TV signal by satellite for the first time. 1967 - Soviet astronaut Vladimir Komarov died when his craft crashed with a tangled parachute. 1967 - The newest Greek regime banned miniskirts. 1970 - The People's Republic of China launched its first satellite. 1973 - Albert Sabin reported that herpesviruses were factors in nine kinds of cancer. 1974 - David Bowie released "Diamond Dogs." 1989 - Thousands of students began striking in Beijing. 1990 - The space shuttle Discovery blasted off from Cape Canaveral, FL. It was carrying the $1.5 billion Hubble Space Telescope. 1997 - The U.S. Senate ratified the Chemical Weapons Convention. The global treaty banned the development, production, storage and use of chemical weapons. 2000 - ABC-TV aired the TV movie "The Three Stooges." 2003 - A U.S. official reported that North Korea had claimed to have nuclear weapons. 2018 Do smiled. |
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