Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, November 20 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Connecticut man arrested for sex with trees ____________________________________ Today, November 20 in 1995 Princess Diana admitted being unfaithful to Prince Charles in an interview that was broadcast on BBC Television. _____________________________________________________ A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members. --- David Coblitz Study without desire spoils the memory, and it retains nothing that it takes in. --- Leonardo da Vinci (1452 - 1519) _____________________________________________________ A couple is in a Lamaze class, and during one session the husband is given a bag of sand to wear around his middle to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. After cinching it around his waist, he stands up and says, "This doesn't feel so bad." In response, the instructor drops a pen and asks the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asks. "Exactly," the instructor says. The man turns to his wife and says, "Honey, pick up that pen for me." _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Just left Walmart where a lady with a basket full of TP asked me what kind of dog I had. I said a service dog. Very rudely she yells what type of service? I said he is a BLD. What's a BLD? She asked as she is allowing my dog to lick her face. With a straight face I said "He is my butt licking dog ( BLD ). I can't find any toilet paper anywhere because of people like you hoarding the TP so he licks my ass clean. The cashier lost it and ran away from the register. _________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by John Fignar, 36, Naugatuck, Connecticut, USA Connecticut man arrested for sex with trees A half dressed Connecticut man who was spotted humping trees in a strangers backyard is behind bars on multiple charges, records show. According to a Naugatuck Police Department report, officers were dispatched Thursday afternoon to a residence on High Street after a 911 caller reported there was an unknown male in a backyard, half dressed, humping trees, screaming, and eating branches. When cops arrived, the suspect ran into a neighboring house, causing its inhabitants to flee their home in fear. The intruder, identified as John Fignar, 36, subsequently exited the residence and was placed under arrest. The police report does not indicate which half of Fignar, seen at right, was unclothed. While in custody, Fignar allegedly spat at and assaulted police, resulting in a felony charge being filed against him (along with misdemeanor breach of peace, resisting, and trespassing counts). Fignar, who was scheduled for a court appearance today, is locked up in lieu of $25,000 bond. Fignar has two other pending criminal cases, according to court records. He was arrested in August for assault and breach of peace, and was busted in September for marijuana possession, breach of peace, and resisting. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Robert K RE: Spam Epidemic! Dear Webby, This spam epidemic is getting right out of hand. I realize that half of our politicians are web-illiterate and that more than half of the politicians act like they have been bought by the spammers, and that we can not count on the Government for help. Personally, I doubt that vigilantes will start shooting spammers soon enough, and it seems that email as we know it, will fizzle away. Our business depends on people writing to us, but we can't handle 750 - 1000 spams a day. It's just too tedious and time copnsuming. Do you have a solution (other than declare open season on spammers) ? Robert Dear Robert How many decades have you seen the link for the MailWasher on my pages? Just go to http://mailwasher.com , and install it. Most of the spam is washed out right out of the box, and then you make filters. Making filters is easy. Select, for example, ENTIRE HEADER, CONTAINS and put the names of your favorite poiltitians in, separated by a pipe | Then tell it what to do with that. Mark it for deleting, or just dump it unseen by any human. Done. You will be surprised how neat and trim your mail suddenly looks, and wonder if your email still works. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A loaded minivan pulls into the only remaining campsite. Four children leap from the vehicle and begin feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rush to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marvels to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork." "I have a system," says the father. "No one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up." ____________________________________________ A man appears at a woman's front door and announces, "Madam, I'm the piano tuner." "I didn't send for a tuner," the piano-playing woman replies. "I know, lady," the man says. "Your neighbor did." ____________________________________________ A man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee. The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner. The man, who uses both creamer and sugar in his coffee, notices that the container is empty. As the waitress rushes by, he asks her to bring him cream and sugar for his coffee. The waitress, busier than she can ever remember being before, rushes to the back to pick up more orders. As she passes the cabinet where the extra sugar and cream are kept, she sets a plate down and puts sugar cubes and creamer packets in her bosom because both her hands are full. After she has served the two plates she was holding, she returns to the man and asks him, "How many sugar cubes did you want in your coffee?" The man says, "Two would be fine." She reaches into her bra, pulls out two sugar cubes and drops them into his cup. "And cream?" She asks. The man looks at her, squarely in the eye and says, "I don't think so!" ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today November 20 in 1789 New Jersey became the first state to ratify the Bill of Rights. 1818 Simon Bolivar formally declared Venezuela independent of Spain. 1873 Budapest was formed when the rival cities of Buda and Pest were united to form the capital of Hungary. 1901 The second Hay-Pauncefoot Treaty provided for construction of the Panama Canal by the U.S. 1910 Francisco I. Madero led a revolution that broke out in Mexico. 1943 During World War II, U.S. Marines began their landing on Tarawa and Makin atolls in the Gilbert Islands. 1945 24 Nazi leaders went before an international war crimes tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany. 1947 Britain's Princess Elizabeth married Philip Mountbatten, Duke of Edinburgh in Westminster Abbey. 1959 Britain, Norway, Portugal, Switzerland, Austria, Denmark and Sweden met to create the European Free Trade Association. 1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis ended. The Soviet Union removed its missiles and bombers from Cuba and the U.S. ended its blockade of the island. 1967 The Census Clock at the Department of Commerce in Washington, DC, went past 200 million. 1969 The Nixon administration announced a halt to residential use of the pesticide DDT as part of a total phase out of the substance. 1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab leader to address Israel's parliament. 1980 On Jefferson Island, Louisiana, an oil rig in Lake Pigneur pierced the top of the salt dome beneath the island. The freshwater lake completely drained within a few hours. The Delcambre Canal reversed flow and two days later the previous freshwater lake was a 1,300-foot-deep saltwater lake. 1983 An estimated 100 million people watched the controversial ABC-TV movie "The Day After." The movie depicted the outbreak of nuclear war. 1986 Dr. Halfdan Maher, the director of the World Health Organization, announced the first coordinated global effort to fight the disease AIDS. 1986 The one billionth Little Golden Book was printed. The title was The Poky Little Puppy. 1987 Police investigating the fire at King's Cross, London's busiest subway station, said that arson was unlikely to be the cause of the event that took 31 lives. 1988 Egypt and China announced that they would recognize the Palestinian state proclaimed by the Palestine National Council. 1989 Over 200,000 people rallied peacefully in Prague, Czechoslovakia, demanding democratic reforms. 1990 Saddam Hussein ordered another 250,000 Iraqi troops into the country of Kuwait. 1992 A fire seriously damaged the northwest side of Windsor Castle in England. 1993 The U.S. Senate passed the Brady Bill and legislation implementing NAFTA. 1994 The Angolan government and rebels signed a treaty in Zambia to end 19 years of war. 1995 Princess Diana admitted being unfaithful to Prince Charles in an interview that was broadcast on BBC Television. 1998 Afghanistan's Taliban militia offered Osama bin Laden safe haven. Osama bin Laden had been accused of orchestrating two U.S. embassy bombings in Africa and later terrorist attacks on New York City and the Pentagon. 1998 Forty-six states agreed to a $206 billion settlement of health claims against the tobacco industry. The industry also agreed to give up billboard advertising of cigarettes. 2020 Do smiled. |
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