Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, December 16 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: La Crosse, Wisconsin burglar leaves money, probation papers behind, locks himself out and calls 911 for help.  Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, December 16 in 1773 Nearly 350 chests of tea were dumped into Boston Harbor off of British ships by Colonial patriots. The patriots were disguised as Indians. The act was to protest taxation without representation and the monopoly the government granted to the East India Company.  See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense. --- Gertrude Stein (1874 - 1946) A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company. --- Gian Vincenzo Gravina (1664 - 1718) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ When a coworker received a phone call from her daughter, we heard her exclaim joyfully, "Seven and a half pounds! I'm so proud!" After she had hung up, I asked, "Boy or girl?" "Neither," my colleague replied... "Diet." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, Morris had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got." Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in." ______________________________________________________   ____________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find 'something exciting' and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on, walked up to the front of the class...... and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and then sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was. "It's a period," he replied. "I can see that," said the teacher, "but what is so 'exciting' about a period?" "I don't know," he said, "but yesterday my sister was 'missing' one. Then my mommy fainted; daddy had a heart attack, the preacher across the street drove off a cliff, and Willie, next door, ran off and joined the Navy. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Randy Bolstad, 42, La Crosse, Wisconsin  La Crosse, Wisconsin burglar leaves money, probation papers behind, locks himself out and calls 911 for help.  La Crosse police nabbed a suspected burglar who left money and probation papers behind and called 911 for help getting back inside the business. According to a criminal complaint, Randy Bolstad called 911 on Saturday afternoon to say he had lost money in the King on Fifth building and said he was going to break in if officers didn't respond. Bolstad could not explain to the dispatcher how he had gotten inside the building to lose his money, and police who responded were unable to locate him Saturday. Police responded to the building Monday morning after a caller reported his laptop computer was missing and said he'd found condoms and loose change in the bathroom of his business. In the bathroom trash can, an officer found probation paperwork for Bolstad. Officers found Bolstad Monday walking through the Viterbo University campus without shoes, according to the complaint. When questioned about the theft of the laptop, he responded, I choose death. Bolstad, who was sentenced in November to three years probation for robbery, was charged Tuesday with one count of burglary. He was being held on a $1,000 cash bond and a probation violation. He wont have to worry about cooking Christmas dinner.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Alexa Re: Speakers Dear Webby, I need louder speakers, and if possible better quality, because we use Internet radio as background music in the warehouse. However, I found that $69 and $129 speakers are not really any better than $14.95 speakers. What do you recommend? Alexa  Dear Alexa Go to a second hand store or pawn shop and get yourself a boom box (portable stereo system) or old home stereo system. They are quite cheap and usually have great sound. Unlike new and shrink-wrapped systems at a music store, the people in used goods stores usually let you plug them in and listen to them. Then just cut off the wires going to the speakers and connect them to the AUX IN connectors on the boom box or stereo, the connectors made for input from a record player or tape deck. That way you have the amplification and control, often even with an equalizer, and plenty of volume. Have FUN! DearWebby   
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.  Thanks to Cookie for this report: The Immigration Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests so far, there is only one test left. Unless you pass it you cannot enter the United States of America. Make a sentence using the words, Yellow, Pink and Green." Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'" Mujibar now works for Verizon. I know because I talked to him yesterday. 
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 Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today's world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn't give their domain names enough consideration: 1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name... wait for it... is www.whorepresents.com 2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com 3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net 4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com 5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company... www.powergenitalia.com 6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com 7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com 8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is www.cummingfirst.com 9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com 10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at www.gotahoe.com ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycling Spray Bottles When you use up a cleaning product that is in a spray bottle, save the spray bottle for your own homemade cleaning products. Be sure to clean it thoroughly as mixing some chemicals, like bleach and ammonia, can create a dangerous gas. Remove the label and mark the bottle clearly so it is not mistaken for something else (and keep up out of the reach of children as with any cleaning product). Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font>  ____________________________________________________  Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really perturbed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds. AND IT BETTER BE THERE". The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a small box, gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Funeral services for Ed have been scheduled for Friday!  
 
Interesting old photos. 
 When your wife says, "What do you think?" she is not asking for YOUR opinion. She is asking for HER opinion, from your mouth. ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, December 16, in 1653 Oliver Cromwell became lord protector of England, Scotland and Ireland. 1773 Nearly 350 chests of tea were dumped into Boston Harbor off of British ships by Colonial patriots. The patriots were disguised as Indians. The act was to protest taxation without representation and the monopoly the government granted to the East India Company. 1809 Napoleon Bonaparte was divorced from the Empress Josephine by an act of the French Senate. 1835 In New York, 530 buildings were destroyed by fire. 1838 The Zulu chief Dingaan was defeated by a small force of Boers at Blood River, celebrated in South Africa as 'Dingaan's Day'. 1850 The first immigrant ship, the Charlotte Jane, arrived at Lyttleton, New Zealand. 1901 "The Tale of Peter Rabbit," by Beatrix Potter, was printed for the first time. 1905 Sime Silverman published the first issue of "Variety". 1912 The first postage stamp to depict an airplane was issued was a 20-cent parcel-post stamp. 1940 French Premier Petain arrested Pierre Laval after learning of a plan for Laval to seize power and set up a new government with German support. 1944 During World War II, the Battle of the Bulge began in Belgium. It was the final major German counteroffensive in the war. 1950 U.S. President Truman proclaimed a national state of emergency in order to fight "Communist imperialism." 1960 A United Air Lines DC-8 and a TWA Super Constellation collided over New York City, killing 134 people. 1972 The Miami Dolphins became the first NFL team to go unbeaten and untied in a 14-game regular season. The Dolphins went on to defeat the Washington Redskins in Super Bowl VII. 1973 O.J. Simpson broke Jim Brown's single-season rushing record in the NFL. Brown had rushed for 1,863 yards, while Simpson attained 2,003 yards. 1985 Reputed organized-crime chief Paul Castellano was shot to death outside a New York City restaurant. 1990 Jean-Bertrand Aristide, a leftist priest, was elected president in Haiti's first democratic elections. 1991 The U.N. General Assembly rescinded its 1975 resolution equating Zionism with racism by a vote of 111- 25. 1993 The United Nations General Assembly adopted a resolution calling for negotiations on a comprehensive test ban. 1995 Many U.S. government functions were again closed as a temporary finance provision expired and the budget dispute between President Clinton and Republicans in Congress continued. 1995 NATO launched a military operation in support of the Bosnia peace agreement. 1996 Britain's agriculture minister announced the slaughter of an additional 100,000 cows thought to be at risk of contracting BSE in an effort to persuade the EU to lift its ban on Britain. 1998 The U.S. and Britain fired hundreds of missiles on Iraq in response to Saddam Hussein's refusal to comply with U.N. weapons inspectors. 1998 Eric Michelman filed the earliest patent for a scroll wheel for a computer mouse. Scroll wheels had been in use for 5 years by then, just not patented. 1999 Torrential rains and mudslides in Venezuela left thousands of people dead and forced at least 120,000 to leave their homes. 2000 Researchers announced that information from NASA's Galileo spacecraft indicated that Ganymede appeared to have a liquid saltwater ocean beneath a surface of solid ice. Ganymede, a moon of Jupiter, is the solar system's largest moon. The discovery is considered important since water is a key ingredient for life. 2000 U.S. President-elect George W. Bush selected Colin Powell to be the first African-American secretary of state. Powell was sworn in January 20, 2001. 2001 In Tora Bora, Afghanistan, tribal fighters announced that they had taken the last al-Quaida positions. More than 200 fighters were killed and 25 captured. They also announced that they had found no sign of Osama bin Laden. 2001 Cuba received the first commercial food shipment from the United States in nearly 40 years. The shipment was sent to help Cuba after Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba on November 4, 2001. 2001 A British newspaper, The Observer, reported that a notebook had been found at an al-Quaida training camp in southern Afghanistan. The notebook contained a "blue print" for a bomb attack on London's financial district. 2009 Astronomers discovered GJ1214b. It was the first-known exoplanet on which water could exist. 2017 Do smiled.
 
 
 

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