Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, February 6 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida mom accused of hitting former boss with car outside nursing home Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, February 6 in 1815 The state of New Jersey issued the first American railroad charter to John Stevens. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home. --- David Frost It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember. --- Eugene McCarthy (1916 - 2005) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lynn for this report: Some archaeologists were exploring when they came upon a cave. Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols, in this order of appearance: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David. They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings. The president of the society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said: "This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles donkey, so, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine had hit the earth, whereby the food didn't grow, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews." The audience applauded enthusiastically. Suddenly a little old woman stood up in the back of the room and said, "Idiots! Hebrew is read from right to left. The message says, "Holy mackerel, dig the ass on that woman!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Mandarin Fish _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ A cop saw a woman down on her knees under a streetlight. "Can I help you?" he asked. Replied the woman, "I dropped my keys and I'm looking for them." After a glance around, the cop asked: "Are you sure you droped them right here?" "No," responded the blonde, "I dropped them down in that alley, but it's way too dark to find anything down there." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Abbey Taylor, 42, Jacksonville, Florida Florida mom accused of hitting former boss with car outside nursing home A Jacksonville woman accused of hitting her former boss with her car says she did not do it. Abbey Taylor was arrested on Friday and bonded out on Saturday. She faces charges of aggravated battery causing great bodily harm and resisting arrest. Taylor said, as a certified nursing assistant, she used to help the elderly people living at The Terrace of Jacksonville eat, bathe and get around. Taylor said she got into an argument with the nursing home administrator on Friday when she showed up to get copies of her old pay stubs. I did not hit her with my vehicle. I think she's making that up, said Taylor. The administrator at The Terrace of Jacksonville told police she rolled up onto the hood of the car Taylor was driving. Taylor told Action News Jax the crack in her windshield is from her former boss punching the glass. She didn't flip over, or fall back or any of that, Taylor said. An employee told Action News Jax the administrator has a fractured ankle that will need surgery. Taylor's arrest report said surveillance video showed she hit the 53- year-old woman with her car and then drove past the woman a second time while she was on the ground. In my heart, I did not hit her with my car, Taylor said. I want to see the surveillance cameras myself. Leadership at The Terrace of Jacksonville would not release the surveillance video to Action News Jax. Taylor also denied resisting arrest, saying she just wanted to make sure her sister could watch her two kids while she was in jail. All I was doing was asking them, could I please get my children straight and can I go and get some shoes? Because I didn't even have any shoes on my feet. I just had socks. 'Oh no, you can't go back in the house.' And that's where it was from there, said Taylor. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re:Spybot Advanced Mode Dear Webby, Thanks so much for the fun letter. I especailly liked the joke about loaning things to ohers. It reminded me of a time my husband asked our son if he had a certain type of tool. He was told there was one in the trunk of his (our son's) car. When my husband went to get the tool he realized it was his own tools & confronted our son about it, telling him he knew it was his tool as he had engraved his initials on it ( which he did to all his tools). Our son then said, "Dad, you loaned it to me but never came & got it back". Oh well, that's a kid for you. My qustion is in regard to the pc tip for Carol. I have Spybot but cannot figure out how to switch to "advanced". I clicked on help & went to tools but could not open it to the startup programs. Am I missing something? Again thanks so much. Sharon Dear Sharon In Spybot scroll down to the second half, Advanced. The second icon from the left is SETTINGS. In there a huge bunch of things you can set. Some of them are only in the paid mode, but there is plenty to play with in the free version. Startup Tools is the third icon from the left. Go into that, then Advanced. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says," You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a Kleptomaniac. But, don't worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long." The second lady says, "Well, since we are having true confessions here, I must get something off my chest too. I am a Nymphomaniac. But don't worry, I have not hit on your husbands. They don't interest me and never will; we have been friends for too long." "Well," says the third lady, "I, too, must confess something. I am a Lesbian. But do not worry, I will not hit on you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship." The fourth lady stands up, says, "I have a confession to make also. I am an uncontrollable gossip, and I have some phone calls to make! | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
From Linda My dad, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk. Back at the shop, he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. He returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation: "Removed bowling ball from trunk". ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Wood Furniture When you are storing nice wood furniture, make sure you store it in a dry, well ventilated room. If you store it in a damp basement, you could discover moldy and warped furniture when you go to retrieve it. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Put some plywood or chip board under it, so that it does not sit or a bare and maybe uneven floor. Cover the furniture with a piece of plywood, NOT a tarp or plastic! You have to keep the sun off it, but allow ventilation. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "Dad, when Lincoln was your age, he was The President of The United States!!!" | | This is not my idea of a vacation! |
Todd and Jill had just gotten back from the honeymoon, and were having their first fight, and it was a big one. No matter what Todd tried to say or do, Jill refused to compromise, or even listen. He started growing exasperated. After a while, Todd said "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey." Jill replied, "I know. But I didn't want to start an argument in front of all those people at the wedding." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, February 6, in 1778 The United States gained official recognition from France as the two nations signed the Treaty of Amity and Commerce and the Treaty of Alliance in Paris. 1815 The state of New Jersey issued the first American railroad charter to John Stevens. 1899 The U.S. Senate ratified a peace treaty between the U.S. and Spain. 1900 The Holland Senate ratified the 1899 peace conference decree that created an international arbitration court at The Hague. 1900 U.S. President McKinley appointed W.H. Taft as commissioner to report on the Philippines. 1911 The first old-age home for pioneers opened in Prescott, AZ. 1926 The National Football League adopted a rule that made players ineligible for competition until their college class graduated. 1932 Dog sled racing happened for the first time in Olympic competition. 1937 K. Elizabeth Ohi became the first Japanese woman lawyer when she received her degree from John Marshall Law School in Chicago, IL. 1952 Britain's King George VI died. His daughter, Elizabeth II, succeeded him. 1956 St. Patrick Center opened in Kankakee, IL. It was the first circular school building in the United States. 1959 The U.S., for the first time, successfully test-fired a Titan intercontinental ballistic missile from Cape Canaveral. 1971 NASA Astronaut Alan B. Shepard used a six-iron that he had brought inside his spacecraft and swung at three golf balls on the surface of the moon. 1972 Over 500,000 pieces of irate mail arrived at the mail room of CBS-TV, when word leaked out that an edited-for-TV version of the X- rated movie, "The Demand," would be shown. 1973 Construction began on the CN Tower in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. 1985 The French mineral water company, Perrier, debuted its first new product in 123 years. The new items were water with a twist of lemon, lime or orange. 1987 President Ronald Reagan turned 76 years old this day and became the oldest U.S. President in history. 1998 Washington National Airport was renamed for U.S. President Ronald Reagan with the signing of a bill by U.S. President Clinton. 1999 King Hussein of Jordan transferred full political power to his oldest son the Crown Prince Abdullah. 1999 Excerpts of former White House intern Monica Lewinsky's videotaped testimony were shown at President Clinton's impeachment trial. 1999 Heavy fighting resumed along the common border between Ethiopia and Eritrea. 2000 Russia's acting President Vladimir Putin announced that Russian forces had captured Grozny, Chechnya. The capital city had been under the control of Chechen rebels. 2000 In Finland, Foreign Minister Tarja Halonen became the first woman to be elected president. 2000 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton formally declared that she was a candidate for a U.S. Senate seat from the state of New York, that was specifically vacated for her. There was no opposition. 2001 Ariel Sharon was elected Israeli prime minister. 2002 A federal judge ordered John Walker Lindh to be held without bail pending trial. Lindh was known as the "American Taliban." 2018 Do smiled. |
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