Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, November 30  
 
  1411
If you like my work,
 Please donate a dollar, 
 or two, if you can afford it!
 Please, help me stay online!
 
 ___________________________________________________ History: on this day, November 30, 1700, 8,000 Swedish troops under King Charles XII defeated an army of at least 50,000 Russians at the Battle of Narva. King Charles XII died on this day. ____________________________________________________ Bonehed Award:  Woman reports getting cup with 'monkey' printed as customer's name at Maryland Starbucks  _____________________________________________________ Q Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed. --- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) ____________________________________________________ >From Peter *Vat A Country!* Many years ago, my father was visiting America, from Europe, for the very first time. He said he wanted to go with me to the supermarket, so I invited him along. As he went up & down the aisles with me, at the local Giant Food Store, he constantly asked me questions about products he saw. "Vas diss?? Powdered orange juice??" asked my dad . I said, "Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh orange juice." A few minutes later, in a different aisle, dad blurted out, "Und vas dis?? Powdered milk?" . I said, "Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!" A few minutes later, in a different aisle, my dad yelled out, "Und give a look here!! Baby Powder!! Vat a country, vat a country!" __________________________________________________ An eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination whereupon the doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age... but tell me.. do you still have intercourse?" "Just a minute ... I'll have to ask my husband," she said. She went out to the reception room and said: "Morris do we still have intercourse?" Morris answered impatiently..."If I told you once I told you a thousand times... We have Blue Cross!!" __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by  Monique Pugh, Annapolis, Maryland, USA  Woman reports getting cup with 'monkey' printed as customer's name at Maryland Starbucks  The company says they are working with the store, which is a licensee location owned by Impeccable Brands, to investigate the matter. You can read the full statement below: "We want everyone in our stores including both Starbucks operated and those operated by our licensees to treat each other with dignity and respect. We do not tolerate behavior that is disrespectful or makes a customer feel unwelcome. We are aware of the incident that took place at a store operated by our licensee Impeccable Brands in Annapolis, MD, and we are working closely with their leadership team as they quickly conduct the investigation with their employee(s) and take any necessary action as a result." The company also adds that they are taking steps to ensure offensive words cannot be printed on future order labels. FOX 5 also reached out to Impeccable Brands about the incident. The store's ownership says the barista involved in the incident, who Pugh identified as a woman named Tina, has been suspended pending a further investigation The statement says that the word was printed as a mistake, but they are working to make sure it does not happen again. Pugh says the incident left her "traumatized, saddened, and disappointed," and she also raised concern about how Starbuck trains its employees. "To learn that the barista Tina who referred to me as a "monkey" completed the racial bias training which implies that she was aware of her actions and the consequences that will follow," Pugh says. "I would like to see this matter addressed promptly, and I want the racial discrimination to stop." They ofered her an apology and a coffee and a sandwich, but she refused. She wants to sue them for $5 Million dollars. Actually, it was just the silly AUTO-COMPLETE and somebody in a hurry trying to please. ___________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ Dear Webby, Thanks for always making my day, I sure enjoy the jokes. I just had to pass this one on to you, SUPPOSEDLY this was a true story that happened to my friend. One day a mother was talking to her little girl, who also had a younger brother and sister. The mother thought it was time to discuss the "birds and Bees" with her child. So while they were discussing this, the mother sort of got carried away and really got down to describing how a baby is conceived. The little girl stood there in amazement, and suddenly spoke up, "You mean you really did that three times?" Have a good day! John F. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________   Not babysitting today _________________________________________________ During an Army war game a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck. "Sorry sir," said one of the loafers, "but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way." The C.O. turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction." _______________________________________________ A young man is an avid listener to the city's police frequency, and he leaves the scanner on all the time. One morning while making his bed, he heard the dispatcher say, "Car 34, there is a twenty-foot boa constrictor in the front yard of 27 Oak Street. The resident wants a policeman to come and remove it, but not to use shotguns or hand grenades, because there is a Kindergaten across the street." There was a long pause, then some static. Slowly, a voice said, "Looks like we have some engine trouble." __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A Latin American tour guide was addressing a small group of senior citizens and telling them about the country they were visiting. When he asked if they had any questions, one person inquired, "What is the number one sport in this country?" "Bullfighting," the guide replied. The same person asked "Isn't that revolting?" "No," replied the tour guide. "That's number two!" ________________________________________________________ The scene: The "E" train of the subway line in New York City. I was commuting from the Borough of Queens to my job in Manhattan. I'd finished reading the morning paper and was saving it to bring to friends on the job. How do you save a newspaper on the subway? You sit on it. A new commuter came in, saw the newspaper under my rear and asked the second most stupid question I've ever heard (someday I may tell of the first), "Are you reading that paper?" I stood up, turned the page, sat down on the paper and answered, "Yes. _____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________________ Bambi sidled up to a guest at the party. She had heard him addressed as doctor and now she said diffidently, "Doctor, may I ask a question?" "Certainly," he said. "Lately," said Bambi, "I have been having a funny pain right here above the heart..." The guest interrupted uncomfortably and said, "I'm terribly sorry, Bambi, but the truth is, I'm a doctor of philosophy." "Oh," said Bambi, "I'm sorry!" She turned away, but then overcome with curiosity, she turned back. "Just one more question, doctor. Tell me, what kind of disease is philosophy?" __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Renee Re: Stealing pictures Dear Webby Quite often, when I try to copy a picture, the copying is blocked. That seems to be mainly by newspapers. I noticed that with the mug shots in the Bonehead Awards you successfully defeat that bloking. How do you do that? Renee  Dear Renee In the top row of your keyboard there is a PrintScreen button. Sometimes it is abbreviated to PrtScren. Hit that, it prints not to the printer, like it used to in DOS or UNIX, but into memory. Jump to your graphics program, and hit CTRL V That pastes the saved picture of the page you were looing at. You will have to crop it, cut off the stuff around what you want, then save the cropped picture as a JPG or PNG file. That is all there is to it. After you have done it a couple of times, you will find it just as easy as right-click, copy. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Two rich men were talking over coffee and croissants at their country club one day and one of them said to the other one, "Hey, I tell you my driver is really stupid... you don't think so? Let me show you." And he called his driver Tammy over and said, "Tammy, here is a 10 dollar bill, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes." To which Tammy replied, "Yes Sir! Right away!" and rushed outside. The rich man turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you she was stupid." The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid." And he called his driver, Terri: "Terri, go home now and check to see if I'm at home." Terri said, "Yes Sir!! Right away, Sir" and ran outside. "See what I told you? She doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here." 5 minutes later the two drivers met at the donut shop. Tammy said to Terri, "Eh, you know my boss is sooo stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and asked me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes.....Doesn't he know that today is Sunday?? The showroom is closed!" Terri replied, "You think he is stupid, huh? My boss is sooo much worse, he asked me to go home to check if he is at home....I got a cellphone, right, why should I drive all the way across town if I can call home to check after I have a few donuts !!!!" _____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, November 30, in 1700, 8,000 Swedish troops under King Charles XII defeated an army of at least 50,000 Russians at the Battle of Narva. King Charles XII died on this day. 1782, The United States and Britain signed preliminary peace articles in Paris, ending the Revolutionary War. 1803, Spain completed the process of ceding Louisiana to France. 1804, U.S. Supreme Court Justice Samuel Chase went on trial accused of political bias. He was later acquitted by the U.S. Senate. 1838, Three days after the French occupation of Vera Cruz Mexico declared war on France. 1853, During the Crimean War, the Russian fleet attacked and destroyed the Turkish fleet at the battle of Sinope. 1858, John Landis Mason received a patent for the first pepper shaker with a screw-on cap. 1875, A.J. Ehrichson patented the oat-crushing machine. 1897, Thomas Edison's own motion picture projector had its first commercial exhibition. 1906, George Parker Bidder, President of the Marine Biological Association (UK) released a glass bottle with a message into the North Sea. The bottle spent 108 years and 38 days at sea before it was found on the shores of Germany in 2015. 1928, General Mills stock debuted on the New York Stock Exhchange. 1936, London's famed Crystal Palace was destroyed in a fire. The structure had been constructed for the International Exhibition of 1851. 1939, The Russo-Finnish War began when 20 divisions of Soviet troops invaded Finland. 1940, Lucille Ball and Cuban musician Desi Arnaz were married. 1949, Chinese Communists captured Chungking. 1954, In Sylacauga, AL, Elizabeth Hodges was injured when a meteorite crashed through the roof of her house. The rock weighed 8-pounds. 1956, CBS replayed the program "Douglas Edward and the News" three hours after it was received on the West Coast. It was the world's first broadcast via videotape. 1962, U Thant of Burma was elected secretary-general of the United Nations, succeeding the late Dag Hammarskjold. 1966, The former British colony of Barbados became independent. 1981, The U.S. and the Soviet Union opened negotiations in Geneva that were aimed at reducing nuclear weapons in Europe. 1982, The motion picture "Ghandi" had its world premiere in New Delhi. 1986, "Time" magazine published an interview with U.S. President Reagan. In the article, Reagan described fired national security staffer Oliver North as a "national hero." 1988, Kohlberg Kravis Roberts and Co. took over RJR Nabisco Inc. with a bid of $24.53 billion. 1989, PLO leader Yasser Arafat was refused a visa to enter the United States in order to address the U.N. General Assebly in New York City. 1993, U.S. President Clinton signed into law the Brady Bill. The bill required a five-day waiting period for handgun purchases and background checks of prospective buyers. 1998, The Deutsche Bank AG announced that it would acquire Bankers Trust Corp. for $10.1 billion creating the world's largest financial institution. 2001, For the first time in it's history, McDonald's teamed up with a retail partner on its Happy Meal promotions. Toys R Us provided plush figures from it's Animal Alley. 2004, In Stockholm, Sweden, the Carl Larsson painting "Boenskoerd" ("Bean Harvest") was sold at auction for $730,000. The work had been in a private collection for more than a century. The Larsson work "Vid Kattegatt" ("By Kattegatt") sold for $640,000 at the same auction. 2022 Do smiled. 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!