Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, August 16 Tomorrow I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Enjoy your vacation! Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Robber who pepper-sprayed Walmart greeter extradited back to Kentucky. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Aug 16 in 1777 During the American Revolutionary War, the Battle of Bennington took place. New England's Minutemen routed the British regulars. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. --- Robert Frost (1874 1963) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A mother was preparing pancakes for her 2 sons, the older 5 and the younger 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here," she said, "he would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Two little girls were sitting in the lunchroom of an elementary school in Beverly Hills. "Guess what," one said. "Mommy's getting married again, so I'll have a new daddy." "Really," said the other girl. "Who's she marrying?" "Winston James, the famous director." "Oh, you'll like him," the other girl exclaimed. "He was my daddy last fall." ______________________________________________________ Pfeiffer Beach, California _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Jude, 35, Sandra Yeahquo 36, both of Oklahoma. Robber who pepper-sprayed Walmart greeter extradited back to Kentucky. The Mount Sterling, KY, Police Department issued two warrants in connection with a violent shoplifting incident at a Walmart store. After releasing surveillance images of the suspects, police identified them as Michael Jude, 35, and Sandra Yeahquo 36, both of Oklahoma. Police say they were involved in a shoplifting incident at Mt. Sterling Walmart over the weekend. Police say Jude pepper sprayed an 80-year-old employee who confronted him as he left the store with merchandise for which he didn't pay. Authorities captured Judge and Yeahquo in Oklahoma. Jude appeared in an Oklahoma courtroom on Thursday morning. He signed a waiver for extradition; An officer from Mount Sterling will now travel to Oklahoma to bring Jude back to Kentucky in handcuffs to face robbery charges. Pepper spraying an 80 year old is not going to go over easy! As for Yeahquo, court clerks in Oklahoma say she has outstanding charges in Tulsa, that she must face a judge for first. Her extradition hearing will take place next week. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dolores Re: Making Icons Dear Webby, I know you told us in the past how to make icons, but because I didn't need any,I didn't pay attention. Now, to use the trick you told mark today, I do need to know. Can you please tell us again? I do have a graphics program. Dolores Dear Dolores The biggest challenge is to decide, what you want on the icon. You can take any picture you want, but you will see that when you reduce it to icon size, most pitures will be a confusing mess. Usually, unless you have a very high contrast picture like today's or yesterday's picture of the day, it will be easier to just paint something. Create a new image, 64 x 64, and make the background the same as your desktop background. Save it as the name you want to give it, but with a .BMP extension. Yes, BMP, just like we used in the 80's. Microsoft insists that icons be backward compatible all the way back to DOS, just the user interface gets changed all the time to annoy you. Then take a contrasting color and paint a symbol or a number. You can even use the text tool and write a symbol. If you use the WingDingas font, then you get astrological signs, playing cards, and all kinds of neat stuff. Try that first on a bigger picture and write the whole alphabet to see which letter produces the symbol you want. Ok, once you have a recognizable high contrast picture, for example the flying (turned sideways) 69, that is the letter a in Wingding font, save it as for example 69.bmp and close the file. Now use the file explorer or DOS and rename the file to 69.ico. Make sure it is in a place, that you can find easily. Next go to the shortcut that should have that icon. Right-click it, Properties, Change Icon and browse to your new icon. Apply, OK Done. That is all there is to it. Next icon. All you have to remember is: 64 x 64 size, high contrast. Have FUN! DearWebby A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me 100 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. Again, a week after the man returns. This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens." "Wow!" the co-op man replies. "You must really be doing well!" "Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Energy When Using Your Oven Any time you open your oven the temperature drops 25 to 30 degrees. If you want to peek at the dish you are baking, use the window on the door and oven light instead. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for bringing back this steamboat classic: The Romantic Sailor A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the sailor. "Look, I'm off to Europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy." With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn. Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Europe. Plus he's having me every night." "He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry." ___________________________________________________ | | Amazing places on our planet. 2017. |
___________________________________________________ >From Paula Dear Webby, can you please bring back that bricklayer's accident report? Paula Sure, Paula. I remember sen ding that around via fax before the Internet, and a few times since then. Here it is: It seems wrong to laugh at someone else's misfortune, but.... This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. This is a true story. Dear Sir I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "Poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-storey building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over, which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs. I hope this answers your inquiry. Leonard Cromley | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of first year medical students. "As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?" "Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp too." ____________________________________________________ | Today, August 16, in 1777 During the American Revolutionary War, the Battle of Bennington took place. New England's Minutemen routed the British regulars. 1812 Detroit fell to Indian and British troops in the War of 1812. 1829 The "Siamese twins," Chang and Eng Bunker, arrived in Boston, MA. They had come to the Western world to be exhibited. They were 18 years old and joined at the waist. 1842 In New York City, the U.S. government took over operations of the City Despatch Post. This was the first congressionally authorized local postage delivery. 1858 A telegraphed message from Britain's Queen Victoria to U.S. President Buchanan was transmitted over the recently laid trans-Atlantic cable. 1861 U.S. President Lincoln prohibited the Union states from trading with the states of the Confederacy. 1923 Carnegie Steel Corporation put into place the eight-hour workday for its employees. 1930 The first British Empire Games were held at Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. The event is now called the British Commonwealth Games. 1937 Harvard University became the first school to have graduate courses in traffic engineering and administration. 1954 Sports Illustrated was published for the first time. It was claimed that 250,000 subscriptions had been sold before the first issue came off of the presses. 1960 Cyprus was granted independence by Britain. 1960 The free-fall world record was set by Joseph Kittinger. He fell more than 16 miles (about 84,000 feet) before opening his parachute over New Mexico. 1978 Xerox was fined for excluding Smith-Corona Mfg. from the copier market. The fine was $25.6 million. 1995 Voters in Bermuda rejected independence from Great Britain. 1999 In Russia, Vladimir V. Putin was confirmed as prime minister by the lower house of parliament. 2017 Do smiled. |
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