Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, March 13 Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: A Florida man is arrested after trying to kill his boss after he was fired from his job. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 13 in 1519 Cortez landed in Mexico. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy. --- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993) The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to just know. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ One night father was helping Do with the homework. Father asked "What is the Gross National Product?" Do pondered for a minute and replied, "Spinach? Broccoli?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Irelio Reyes Osorio, 52, Hialeah, Florida A Florida man is arrested after trying to kill his boss after he was fired from his job. Irelio Reyes Osorio, 52, of Hialeah, was arrested on Tuesday for attempted first-degree murder, KTRK reported. Hialeah Police released video footage of the suspect allegedly trying to run over the victim with his car. Authorities say Osorio was fired from his job at an AC repair company for allegedly showing up to work intoxicated, NBC Miami reports. Days after his termination, Osorio was angry at his former supervisor for firing him and was demanding to be paid for the two days he worked before he was fired, according to a police report. Police said Osorio sent the man numerous text messages, threatening to use a gun, machete or knife on him if he didnt get paid, KTRK reported. Police said the man agreed to meet Osorio at a cafeteria out of fear. When they met up, police said Osorio was armed with a knife and attacked the victim. The victim suffered cuts to his chest and arm while trying to escape. He threw a rock at the suspect, knocking the knife out of his hand. Both men then returned to their vehicles. Surveillance video shows Osorios pickup truck slamming into the mans work van in an attempt to run him over. At one point, Osorio pinned the victim against a chain link fence. The victim was taken to a local hospital with stab wounds and bruises. Police say the suspect admitted to attacking and hitting the victim with his truck when he was arrested. Osorio is being held without bond at the Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Center, WPLG reported. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: Strip >>> from emails Dear Webby I had to get this @#$%^%$# reformatted and the techy didn't reinstall that wonderful program I got from you for cleaning up emails before I send them on.(as in getting rid of the >>>> 's etc., ...and...I can't remember the name of it or find it on your site.....sheeeesh..maybe I'm losing it. I had made a cute icon for it, and always used that instead of looking for it's name. Anyway would you be so kind as to send me the link so I can re-install it and not send " dirty" emails on. Thanks so much.. Ann /i> Dear Ann I think that is StripMail. Try it anyway. It's free. StripMail http://www.snapfiles.com/get/stripmail.html Have FUN! DearWebby Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor for a check up. The doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Dawn and Baking Soda to Clean a Smooth Top Range Here's an easy and eco-friendly method for cleaning a smooth top range. It removed all but the very worst stains with minimal effort. Total Time: 25 minutes Yield: 1 Supplies: 1 Cups baking soda 2 Tablespoons Dawn 1 towel 1 bowl or bucket Steps: Clean any loose debris off of the range top. Apply baking soda liberally to the top of your stove. Add a squirt of a dish soap to a bowl of water. About 2 teaspoons of dish soap to 1 gallon of water. Soak a towel in the soap and water mixture. Remove, leaving it pretty wet. Place the towel on top of the baking soda. Let sit for 20 minutes. Remove the towel and then dry off the range with a paper towels. Enjoy your clean and glistening range! The only stains not removed are seen in the picture below. Those can be be removed using a little Cerema Bryte. Cerema Bryte is nice to have around, but can be expensive for frequent cleaning. | | blind man and his angel dance |
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Wanda for this story: Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent. Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below. Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man's attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street. The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills. "What's this?" she asked. "That's the $8,000 you have coming Sister," he replied. "Don't Despair paid 80-to-1." ___________________________________________________ | | Amazing Highlights from Smithsonians 14th Annual Photo Contest. |
Two storks are on a nest-a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry Son, your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy," he says. The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies," the mother stork says to the crying baby stork. A few days later, the stork parents are desperate-their son is gone from the nest all night. Finally, shortly before dawn, he returns. The parents ask their son where he has been all night. The baby stork says, "Awww, just scaring the hell out of teenagers!" Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today on March 13 0483 St. Felix III began his reign as Pope. 0607 The 12th recorded passage of Halley's Comet occurred. 1519 Cortez landed in Mexico. 1639 Harvard University was named for clergyman John Harvard. 1660 A statute was passed limiting the sale of slaves in the colony of Virginia. 1777 The U.S. Congress ordered its European envoys to appeal to high-ranking foreign officers to send troops to reinforce the American army. 1781 Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus. 1852 The New York "Lantern" newspaper published the first "Uncle Sam cartoon". It was drawn by Frank Henry Bellew. 1865 Jefferson Davis signed a bill authorizing slaves to be used as soldiers for the Confederacy. 1877 Chester Greenwood patented the earmuff. 1884 Standard time was adopted throughout the U.S. 1900 In South Africa, British Gen. Roberts took Bloemfontein. 1901 Andrew Carnegie announced that he was retiring from business and that he would spend the rest of his days giving away his fortune. His net worth was estimated at $300 million. 1902 In Poland, schools were shut down across the country when students refused to sing the Russian hymn "God Protect the Czar." 1902 Andrew Carnegie approved 40 applications from libraries for donations. 1908 The people of Jerusalem saw an automobile for the first time. The owner was Charles Glidden of Boston. 1911 The U.S. Supreme Court approved corporate tax law. 1915 The Germans repelled a British expeditionary force attack in France. 1918 Women were scheduled to march in the St. Patrick's Day Parade in New York due to a shortage of men due to wartime. 1925 A law in Tennessee prohibited the teaching of evolution. 1930 It was announced that the planet Pluto had been discovered by scientist Clyde Tombaugh at the Lowell Observatory. 1933 U.S. banks began to re-open after a "holiday" that had been declared by President Roosevelt. 1935 Three-thousand-year-old archives were found in Jerusalem confirming some biblical history. 1940 The war between Russia and Finland ended with the signing of a treaty in Moscow. 1941 Adolf Hitler issued an edict calling for an invasion of the U.S.S.R. 1942 Julia Flikke of the Nurse Corps became the first woman colonel in the U.S. Army. 1943 Japanese forces ended their attack on the American troops on Hill 700 in Bougainville. 1946 Reports from Iran indicated that Soviet tanks units were stationed 20 miles from Tehran. 1946 Premier Tito seized wartime collaborator General Draja Mikhailovich in a cave in Yugoslavia. 1951 Israel demanded $1.5 billion in German reparations for the cost of caring for war refugees. 1951 The comic strip "Dennis the Menace" appeared for the first time in newspapers across the country. 1957 Jimmy Hoffa was arrested by the FBI on bribery charges. 1963 China invited Soviet President Khrushchev to visit Peking. 1969 The Apollo 9 astronauts returned to Earth after the conclusion of a mission that included the successful testing of the Lunar Module. 1970 Cambodia ordered Hanoi and Viet Cong troops to leave. 1970 Digital Equipment Corp. introduced the PDP-11 minicomputer. 1974 The U.S. Senate voted 54-33 to restore the death penalty. 1974 An embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries was lifted. 1980 A jury in Winamac, IN, found Ford Motor Company innocent of reckless homicide in the deaths of three young women that had been riding in a Ford Pinto. 1990 The U.S. lifted economic sanctions against Nicaragua. 1991 Exxon paid $1 billion in fines and for the clean-up of the Alaskan oil spill. 1995 The first United Nations World Summit on Social Development concluded in Copenhagen, Denmark. 2003 Japan sent a destroyer to the Sea of Japan amid reports that North Korea was planning to test an intermediate-range ballistic missile. 2003 A report in the journal "Nature" reported that scientists had found 350,000-year-old human footprints in Italy. The 56 prints were made by three early, upright- walking humans that were descending the side of a volcano. 2012 After 244 years of publication, Encyclopdia Britannica announced it would discontinue its print edition. 2017 Do smiled. |
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