Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, February 17 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Man raped teen as she died from overdose, texted 'LOL' to friends   Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, February 17 in 1817 The first gaslit streetlights appeared on the streets of Baltimore, MD. See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ The one function TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were. --- David Brinkley (1920 - 2003) When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. --- Hunter S. Thompson Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. --- John Kenneth Galbraith ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A cop walking his usual beat sees an old man pulling a box on a leash, down a busy street. "Poor man," the cop thinks to himself. "I'd better go humor him." "That' a nice dog you got there," says the cop to the old man. "It isn't a dog, it's a box," replies the old man. "Oh, I'm sorry," says the policeman, "I thought you were a bit touched." The old man walks past the cop, then turns to his box, and says, "We sure fooled him that time, didn't we, Rover?" ______________________________________________________ WHEN I'M 100, IF I LEAN A LITTLE, JUST LET ME! The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the grandson: "They won't let me fart." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ From Bausell Sailor: 2 Chinese Burglars> _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Brian Roberto Varela, 19 Lynnwood, Washington  Man raped teen as she died from overdose, texted 'LOL' to friends  A 19-year-old Washington state man, who police say raped a high school student as she died from a drug overdose and texted semi-nude photos of her, has been charged with manslaughter. Brian Roberto Varela of Lynnwood was also charged Friday in Snohomish County Superior Court with second-degree rape and controlled substance homicide in the death of 18-year-old Alyssa Mae Noceda. According to court documents, Varela told detectives that Noceda snorted Percocet and also ingested liquid marijuana before collapsing in his room the previous weekend. Authorities say Varela never sought help for Noceda, instead sending semi-nude photos of her to friends and texting LOL, I think she od'd, still breathing. Authorities say his co-worker contacted police Tuesday after Varela said he didn't know if Noceda was still alive when he was having sex with her. Court records say he told a friend that she died having sex with me. Police arrested Varela later that day after executing a search warrant and finding Noceda's body in a plastic crate at the suspect's home. Varela told investigators he planned to bury Noceda with onions to minimize the odor, police said. He also told detectives that after Noceda died, he used her thumb to unlock her phone Feb. 4 and send messages to make it appear she had run away. Friends of Noceda, a student at Mariner High School, held a vigil for her on Friday with more than 100 people taking part, including her mother. The night that she left, she told me, she said, 'Mom, I love you,' said Gina Pierson.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Libby Re: Not getting subscription  Dear Webby, the web site and read the Humor Letter so that I wouldn't miss anything. Thanks for making that option available to your readers. If you can give me any other options to check it would be greatly appreciated. Your Fan Always, Libby  libby*****@bellsouth.net|Libby|humor That tells me that your subscription has been sent to you today and every day. Well, it has been sent TOWARDS you. Once it has entered the server of Bellsouth.net, there is nothing more that I can do about it. If your probems with Bellsouth persist, just get a gmail address. You can set your gmail address to forward a copy to your bellsouth address. That will help you pinpoint exactly where the problem is. Have FUN! DearWebby   
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.  
 Thanks to Sandie for this story: A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol - Dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead . Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead . Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive. So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration? Maxine, who was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!" 
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 Thanks to Allen for this story: Before our daughter went off to college, our family took a vacation in Colorado. So we flew to Denver and rented a car. We visited the Royal Gorge Bridge, which is more than 1000 feet above the Arkansas River. Walking out onto the bridge, I noticed it swaying in the wind. Then a car went past us, and the wood-plank roadway moved beneath my feet. "I don't think I want to drive the car across this bridge," I finally said. "What are you worried about?" our daughter replied. "It's a rental." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tote Bag Made from a Dog Food Bag By KIM HOGGAN [76 Posts, 130 Comments] Create a pretty tote bag from a dog food bag, in just a few simple steps. Tote Bag Made from a Dog Food Bag By KIM HOGGAN [76 Posts, 130 Comments] Guide Making a Tote Bag from a Dog Food Bag Total Time: 1/2 hr. or more depending on sewing speed or if using duct tape instead Supplies: dry dog or cat food bag scissors big thick needle with thick thread or duct tape if those aren't available hot glue gun to glue on ornaments or use stickers and paint Steps: Get any size dry dog or cat food bag. Cut the top off and empty. Turn bag inside out. Cut another strand off. That will become the two handles. (I think she means a one inch wide strip of material off the top, then cut the loop at each side crease so that you get 2 strips) Cut both ends so they measure equally. Fold about an inch over inward and make a crease all around top of tote. Sew or apply duct tape all around top edge. Fold over bottom of handles about 1/2 inch and sew before sewing onto tote. Otherwise again use duct tape if you can't or don't know how to sew. Sew handles a few inches away from the ends. Lastly use a glue gun to glue on ornaments, apply stickers, or paint your tote! :)  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com I used to make dogsled bags from the big 50 lb bags, but put thin yellow rope into the top roll-over, and use that as a drawstring. No electricity in the bush there in the 70`s, so I used a hand crank Singer. Worked quite well. They are very slippery on snow, though! Be careful where you set them down, or you will be chasing them! Have FUN! DearaWebby  ____________________________________________________  A guy came home to his wife and said to her: "Guess what? I've found a great job. A 10 am start, 2 pm finish, no over- time, no weekends and it pays $600 a week!" "That's great," his wife said. "Yeah, I thought so too," he agreed. "You start Monday."  
 
Some of Buster Keaton s Most Amazing Stunts 
 One day our Little niece Rita, went up to her mother and asked, "Mom, where did I come from?" My sister in law stammered a bit, but finally got her composure. She thought it was time her daughter knew the facts of life. So, she told Little Rita how the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed in the womb and finally how a child was born. As my sister in law gave the whole story, Rita's eyes got wider and wider. When She was finished, Little Rita said "Wow, that's really neat. That sure better than what Uncle Rusty told me. He said that he came from Toronto." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, February 17, in 1817 The first gaslit streetlights appeared on the streets of Baltimore, MD. 1865 Columbia, SC, burned. The Confederates were evacuating and the Union Forces were moving in. 1876 Julius Wolff was credited with being the first to can sardines. 1878 In San Francisco, CA, the first large city telephone exchange opened. It had only 18 phones. 1924 Swimmer Johnny Weissmuller set a world record in the 100-yard freestyle. He did it with a time of 57-2/5 seconds in Miami, FL. 1933 Blondie Boopadoop married Dagwood Bumstead three years after Chic Young's popular strip first debuted. 1934 The first high school automobile driver's education course was introduced in State College, PA. 1944 During World War II, the Battle of Eniwetok Atoll began. U.S. forces won the battle on February 22, 1944. 1947 The Voice of America began broadcasting to the Soviet Union. 1992 In Milwaukee, serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer was sentenced to life in prison. In November of 1994, he was beaten to death in prison. 1995 Colin Ferguson was convicted of six counts of murder in the December 1993 Long Island Rail Road shootings. He was later sentenced to a minimum of 200 years in prison. 1996 World chess champion Garry Kasparov beat the IBM supercomputer "Deep Blue" in Philadelphia, PA. 1997 Pepperdine University announced that Kenneth Starr was leaving the Whitewater probe to take a full-time job at the school. Starr reversed the announcement four days later. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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