Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, December 2 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: UK teacher "Loses Control" of Her Urges Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, December 2 in 1804 Napoleon was crowned emperor of France at the Cathedral of Notre Dame in Paris. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive? --- Irv Kupcinet The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else. --- Umberto Eco "It's not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy. The bee is praised. The mosquito is swatted." --- Mary O'Connor ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir." ______________________________________________________ Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he barked at him: "What do you want?" "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "just here to hook up your telephone." ______________________________________________________ Lady: Waiter, please bring me coffee without cream. Waiter: I'm afraid we've run out of cream. Would you like it without milk? ______________________________________________________ Commuter broom ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jill Meldrum-Jones 37, Warwickshire, England UK teacher "Loses Control" of Her Urges What was supposed to be an exciting school trip for one 15- year-old boy turned into an unforgettable public nightmare after his 37-year-old teaching assistant groomed him for sex. Jill Meldrum-Jones from Warwickshire in the UK began her relationship with the young boy while they were on a trip abroad. First, it began with taking long walks together. Then, she performed her first sex act on the student while in a minivan with other students onboard. >From there they would go to secluded areas where they would perform oral sex on one another. Perhaps the most scandalous of all of their encounters on the trip was the flight home. During the ten-hour flight back to England, Meldrum-Jones, a married mother of two, masturbated the boy three times and performed oral sex three times 'under the cover of darkness.' The two did not have another physical encounter once back in England, but the teacher sent the boy highly sexual texts messages numerous times. The encounters came to light in February of this year after the boy told some of his friends and rumors began to fly around, eventually leading to the assistant teacher's arrest. Meldrum-Jones pled guilty to five charges of sexual activity with a child as well as two charges of causing or inciting a child to engage in sexual activity. She has been sentenced to two years and eight months in jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Chaubal RE: Subscription Dear Webby, Dear Webby For about two weeks now I am not receiving your daily humor. If my subscription got canceled accidently or due to some reason, kindly re-enter my subscription. I am looking forward to receiving your daily humor letter Thanks Chaubal Dear Chaubal You are still subscribed and the Humor Letter is sent out to you every day. Either your own or your ISP's spam control program is blocking the Humor Letter. Once the Humor Letter has left from here, there is nothing that I can do about it. You will have to check your end of the mailing yourself. Have FUN! DearWebby The other day I was near the golf court and saw an unusual thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new set of golf clubs into the lake. A few minutes later he came back, waded into the lake, and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the clubs back into the water. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Dry Erase Marker on Polyester Question: Dry Erase Marker on Polyester By dotty [5 Posts, 3 Comments] Help! My grandson got dry erase marker on a brand new Detroit Tiger $80 jersey. it is 100% polyester. I tried everything I could think of. Please help; he's heartbroken. By Dotty By Grandma J [54 Posts, 1,045 Comments] Take it to a dry cleaners, for the simple $10 or less cost, versus the cost of buying and trying. They will tell you whether it can be done or not. Always tell the cleaners what the stains are, if possible. Clean things right away. The longer things sit, the harder to come out. | | wooden music machine with marbles (not the one in the woods) |
____________________________________________________ A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and the "Heavy Weight Boxing Champion of the World." Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist too -- probably better than Houdini." The giant nodded. "If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?" Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled. "Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it." "In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest...." ____________________________________________________ | | 15 Seemingly adorable animals that could actually kill you. |
>From Donnie Subject: Marketing Explained One buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING . However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing." Well, here it is: _______________________ * You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to Him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing. _____________________ * You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising. _____________________ * You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing. ____________________ * You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations. ______________________ * You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition. _________________________ *You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep. _________________________ * Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support. _________________________ * You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing, so you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's Facebook. _________________________ * You are at a party; this attractive older man walks by and lets you bump into him. That's Donald Trump. _________________________ * You liked that, but twenty years later your attorney decides you were offended and you are awarded a settlement. That's America ! Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today on December 2 1804 Napoleon was crowned emperor of France at the Cathedral of Notre Dame in Paris. 1816 The first savings bank in the U.S., the Philadelphia Savings Fund Society, opened for business. 1823 U.S. President James Monroe outlined his doctrine opposing European expansion in the Western Hemisphere. 1901 Gillette patented the KC Gillette Razor. It was first razor to feature a permanent handle and disposable double- edge razor blades. 1917 During World War I, hostilities were suspended on the eastern front. 1927 The Ford Motor Company unveiled the Model A automobile. It was the successor to the Model T. 1939 New York's La Guardia Airport began operations as an airliner from Chicago landed at 12:01 a.m. 1942 A self-sustaining nuclear chain reaction was demonstrated by Dr. Enrico Fermi and his staff at the University of Chicago. 1954 The U.S. Senate voted to condemn Sen. Joseph R. McCarthy for what it called "conduct that tends to bring the Senate into dishonor and disrepute." The censure was related to McCarthy's controversial investigation of suspected communists in the U.S. government, military and civilian society. 1961 Cuban leader Fidel Castro declared in a nationally broadcast speech that he was a Marxist-Leninist and that he was going to lead Cuba to communism. 1969 The Boeing 747 jumbo jet got its first public preview as 191 people flew from Seattle, WA, to New York City, NY. Most of the passengers were reporters and photographers. 1970 The Environmental Protection Agency began operations. 1980 The Central Committee of Polands Communist Party announced major Politburo changes. The changes were aimed at coping with labor unrest. 1982 Doctors at the University of Utah implanted a permanent artificial heart in the chest of retired dentist Barney Clark. He lived 112 days with the device. The operation was the first of its kind. 1988 Benazir Bhutto was sworn in as prime minister of Pakistan. 1989 V.P. Singh was sworn in as prime minister of India. 1990 Chancellor Hekmut Kohl's coalition won the first free all-German elections since 1932. 1990 The Midwest section of the U.S. prepared for a massive earthquake predicted by Iben Browning. The earthquakes did not occur. 1992 Germany's lower house of parliament voted in favor of the Maastricht Treaty on European unity. 1993 The space shuttle Endeavor blasted off on a mission to fix the Hubble Space Telescope. 1994 The U.S. government agreed not to seek a recall of allegedly fire-prone General Motors pickup trucks. A deal was made with GM under which the company would spend more than $51 million on safety and research. 1995 NASA launched a U.S.-European observatory on a $1 billion dollar mission intended to study the sun. 1997 U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno declined to seek an independent counsel investigation of telephone fund-raising by President Clinton and Vice President Gore. She had concluded that they had not quite violated election laws. 1998 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates donated $100 million to help immunize children in developing countries. 1999 The British government transferred political power over the province of Northern Ireland to the Northern Ireland Executive. 2001 Enron Corp. filed for Chapter 11 reorganization. The filing came five days after Dynegy walked away from a $8.4 billion buyout. It was the largest bankruptcy in U.S. history. 2010 NASA announced the discovery of a new arsenic-based life form. 2016 Do smiled. |
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