Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, May 28 Today is Memorial Day. Honor the heroes!  Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Child found living in St. Johns County drug house, 5 arrested Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, May 27 in 585 BC A solar eclipse occurred that had been predicted by Thales Miletus.  More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that. --- Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005) Careful. We don't want to learn from this. --- Bill Watterson (1958 - ), ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie forthis report from the Vatican: The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti homini" - "Blessed be mankind." A women's rights group approached the pope the next day. They noticed that the pope had blessed all of mankind, but not womankind. So the next day, after his sermon, the pope concluded by saying, "Tuti homini, et tuti femini" - Blessed be mankind and womankind. The next day, a gay-rights group approached the pope. They said that they noticed that he had blessed mankind and womankind, and asked if he could also bless those who are gay. The pope said, "Sure." The next day, the pope concluded his sermon with, "Tuti homini, et tuti femini, et tuti fruiti." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party starts, two bums show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back. Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house. Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown has not shown up, and finally, the clown calls to report that he is stuck in traffic, and will probably not make the party at all. The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself. She happens to look out the window and sees one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips, and leaps high in the air. She speaks to the other bum and says, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvellous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!" The bum replies, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. "HEY Neil! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?" __________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Richard Roggero, 43, Kristi Kennington, 46, Melissa Lazerte, 32, Donald Blount, 35, Kelley Eplin, 25  Child found living in St. Johns County drug house, 5 arrested  Five people were arrested Wednesday at a home in St. Johns County after deputies say they found drugs and drug paraphernalia within reach of a child. Photo gallery. These people face charges including possession, delivery or trafficking in methamphetamine, possession of marijuana, maintaining a drug dwelling and child neglect, according to deputies. The arrests were made following the execution of a search warrant at a house on Chapel Road in St. Augustine, located next to Flagler College's athletic fields, according to the arrest report. Jacksonville 9-year-old found safe after intensive search The arrests were made following the execution of a search warrant at a house on Chapel Road in St. Augustine, located next to Flagler College's athletic fields, according to the arrest report. Deputies say detectives with the St. Johns County Special Investigations Unit have been investigating the home for over a month. According to the St. Johns County Sheriffs Office, Melissa Lazerte, 32; Donald Blount, 35; Kristi Kennington, 46; Richard Roggero, 43; and Kelley Eplin, 25, were arrested and transported to the St. Johns County Jail. The arrest reports from Wednesday morning say the St. Johns County Sheriff's Office SWAT team entered the house and told the people inside to exit the building. SWAT team members say they then watched Lazerte, the homeowner, go to the bathroom and flush a substance from a clear plastic baggie down the toilet. Upon searching the home, deputies say they discovered a young child living in unsatisfactory conditions. According to the arrest reports, drugs and paraphernalia such as baggies, scales, glass pipes, spoons, and hypodermic needles were found throughout the home and within reach of the child. Lazerte has been charged with possession of methamphetamine with the intent to sell within 1,000 feet of a college, child neglect without great bodily harm, maintaining a drug dwelling, possession of drug paraphernalia, and destruction of evidence. Blount faces charges of possession of methamphetamine with the intent to sell/distribute within 1,000 feet of a college and possession of drug paraphernalia. Kennington and Roggero each face charges of trafficking in methamphetamine more than 28 grams but less than 200 grams and possession of drug paraphernalia. Eplin has been charged with possession of marijuana less than 20 grams and possession of drug paraphernalia. The incident reports say the Florida Department of Children and Families responded to the home in relation to the custody and welfare of the child. 
 Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Susp Email  Dear Webby What's the story with all these supposed alerts in the mail about McAfee having detected suspect email and no address in the TO field? Bill  Dear Bill That's just a virus sent from infected machines. If you use Mailwasher, it will recognize them an mark them as KNOWN. However, so that they don't even show in the list of mails, I made a filter that deletes them automatically, unseen. Have FUN DearWebby    
 Morris had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week's vacation in France. "I wish we'd brought the refrigerator with us," said Morris. "What on earth for?" asked the wife. "I've left our airline tickets on it." 
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 Jill and John boarded a crowded subway car on their way home to Brooklyn. Standing next to them was a man who'd clearly had a liquid lunch. When the doors opened at the next station, the man tumbled out and landed flat on his back. John rushed to his side, picked him up, and hauled him back into the car. As the train was pulling away, the man mumbled to Jill and John, "That wasch my schtop. I alwaysch fall out there!" 
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 Thanks to Ross for this report: European Union on Higher Alert The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed boats have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Less Fabric Softener When using fabric softener in the wash, I use a fraction of the amount suggested on the packaging and add water to make up the difference. The wash comes out just as soft and nicely scented. No one will ever know the difference. By Kelly   Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  A family who had just moved into a new neighborhood was anxious to make a good impression. But the neighbors seemed cold and made no overtures of welcome. The mother of the brood was overjoyed when finally her youngest son ran in and announced happily, "Mommy, the lady down the street asked my name today!" "Oh, how nice!" exclaimed the mother enthusiastically. "And then what did she do?" "Then she gave it to the policeman." the boy said.  
The Real Reason For Memorial Day
 ___________________________________________________ A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1950's returned to his old university for a visit. He was amazed to see that the examination questions were identical to the ones asked in his day. When he pointed this out to a member of staff, he replied, "That's true, but, of course, the answers are completely different every year." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ____________________________________________________ >From Linda My dry cleaner very generously provides a stack of free news- papers for his customers. As I took my copy, I told him, "I hope the business grows enough to offset the cost of the papers." "Oh, don't worry about us," he chuckled... "Nothing dirties clothes more than newsprint." ____________________________________________________ 
 Today, May 28 in 585 BC A solar eclipse occurred that had been predicted by Thales Miletus. 585 BC The Persian-Lydian battle ended. 1533 England's Archbishop declared the marriage of King Henry VIII to Anne Boleyn valid. 1805 Napoleon was crowned in Milan, Italy. 1863 The first black regiment left Boston to fight in the U.S. Civil War. 1892 The Sierra club was organized in San Francisco, CA. 1900 Britain annexed the Orange Free State. 1918 Azerbaijan declared independence. 1928 Chrysler Corporation merged with Dodge Brothers, Inc. 1929 Warner Brothers debuted "On With The Show" in New York City. It was the first all-color-talking picture. 1934 The Dionne quintuplets were born near Callender, Ontario, to Olivia and Elzire Dionne. The babies were the first quintuplets to survive infancy. 1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pushed a button in Washington, DC, signaling that vehicular traffic could cross the newly opened Golden Gate Bridge in California. 1940 During World War II, Belgium surrendered to Germany. 1961 Amnesty International, a human rights organization, was founded. 1976 The Peaceful Nuclear Explosion Treaty was signed, limiting any nuclear explosion regardless of its purpose to a yield of 150 kilotons. 1977 Fire raced through the Beverly Hills Supper Club in Southgate, KY. 165 people were killed. 1985 David Jacobsen, director of the American University Hospital in Beirut, Lebanon, was abducted by pro-Iranian kidnappers. He was freed 17 months later. 1987 Mathias Rust, a 19-year-old West German pilot, landed a private plane in Moscow's Red Square after evading Soviet air defenses. He was released August 3, 1988. 1995 An earthquake in the Russian town Neftegorsk killed at least 2000 people. It had a magnitude of 7.5. 1996 U.S. President Clinton's former business partners in the Whitewater land deal were convicted of fraud. 1998 Pakistan matched India with five nuclear test blasts. The U.S., Japan and other nations imposed economic sanctions. Pakistani Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif said "Today, we have settled the score with India." 1998 Dr. Susan Terebey discovered a planet outside of our solar system with the use of photos taken by the Hubble Space Telescope. 1999 In Milan, Italy, Leonardo de Vinci's "The Last Supper" was put back on display after more than 20 years of restoration work. 2002 Russia became a limited partner in NATO with the creation of the NATO-Russia Council. 2015 The Observatory at One World Trade Center officially opened. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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