Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, May 4 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Boca Raton Middle School Teacher, Former Lawyer, Hit and Run, DUI .279 __________________________________________________ On May 4 in 1987, Live models were used for the first time in Playtex bra ads. _____________________________________________________ I believe that good people would be alive today if there were a death penalty. --- Nancy Reagan (1921 - ) It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. --- Alfred Adler (1870 - 1937) My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right? --- Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000) The Romans would never have found time to conquer the world if they had been obliged first to learn Latin. --- Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856) -------------- My Latin professor was an idiot! ____________________________________________________ Phrases NOT in an Arkansas' Vocabulary! 30.Oh I just couldn't; Hell, she's only sixteen. 29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. 28. Duct tape won't fix that. 27. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan. 26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy. 25. We don't keep firearms in this house. 24. Who gives a crap who won the Civil War? 23. You can't feed that to the dog. 22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor. 21. Spittin is such a nasty habit. 20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today. 19. Trim the fat off that steak. 18. Cappuccino tastes better than expresso. 17.Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer? 16. I thought Graceland was tacky. 15.No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe. 14. Honey, we don't need another dog. 13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled? 12. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace? 11. Wrestling's fake. 10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams. 9. The tires on that truck are too big. 8. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts, and would you please bring my salad dressing on the side. 7. What nice body this Merlot has. 6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen. 5. I don't have a favorite college team. 4. She's too young to be wearing a bikini. 3. You All. 2. Checkmate. 1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving tonight. ___________________________________________________ if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ A belligerent drunk walks into a bar and hollers: "I can lick any man in the place!" The nearest customer looks him up and down, then says: "Crude, but direct. Tell me, is this your first time in a gay bar?" ____________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ A young guy was complaining to his Boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend. "She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her, the young man exclaimed. "Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife". Replied the Boss. "Whenever she got out of hand I'd take her pants down and spank her." Shaking his head the young guy replied, "That doesn't work. Once I get her pants down I'm not mad anymore." ____________________________________________________ >From Jean A man was telling his buddy: "You won't believe what happened last night. My daughter walked into the living room and said: 'Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my car, take my front door key away, and throw me out of the house. "Holy Smokes," replied the friend, "she actually said that?" "Well, she didn't put it quite like that. Her exact words were: "Dad, meet my new boyfriend, Mohammed. We're going to work together on Bernie Sanders presidential campaign. ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  William Abramson, Delray Beach, Floriduh, USA  Boca Raton Middle School Teacher, Former Lawyer, Hit and Run, DUI .279  William Abramson Arrested By Delray Beach Police Following Hit And Run. BREATH ALCOHOL: .279 and .274. Legal Limit Is .08. William Abramson, an attorney once ordered to stop practicing law, who later agreed to stop practicing law until 2025. William Abramson, an attorney once ordered to stop practicing law, and then who later agreed to stop practicing law until at least 2025, was arrested by Delray Beach Police Sunday night. He claims to be currently teach at Boca Raton Middle School, although that claim couldnt be verified. Abramson is charged with one count of DUI and two counts of hit and run, one for causing bodily injury and another for causing property damage. He was ultimately arrested and booked into the Palm Beach County Jail around 10 p.m. He was released on $3,000 bond just before 3:30 Tuesday morning. William Abramson, an attorney once ordered to stop practicing law, and then who later agreed to stop practicing law until at least 2025, was arrested by Delray Beach Police Sunday night. He claims to be currently teach at Boca Raton Middle School, although that claim couldnt be verified early Tuesday. Abramson is charged with one count of DUI and two counts of hit and run, one for causing bodily injury and another for causing property damage. He was ultimately arrested and booked into the Palm Beach County Jail around 10 p.m. He was released on $3,000 bond just before 3:30 Tuesday morning. Once a high-profile attorney in Palm Beach County, Abramson lost his ability to practice law in what he called a series of politically motivated incidents and events. After being elected a judge in 2008, Abramsons law license was suspended due to a courtroom outburst years earlier. With the license reinstated, he later ran for Public Defender in Palm Beach County but lost. He voluntarily relinquished his license in 2019 until at least 2025 when he faced additional complaints that could have led to permanent disbarment. Abramson later sued Florida Governor Ron DeSantis when early COVID restrictions, he claimed, prohibited him from making money as a substitute teacher in the Palm Beach County School District, then as a server at an area restaurant. He told police that he currently teaches at Boca Raton Middle School. The alleged crash and DUI incident occurred Sunday in the area of Southeast 6th Avenue and SE 10th Street in Delray Beach. Police arriving say they found Abramsons black Volkswagen in a crash with a white Toyota Camry. The driver of the VW Abramson was allegedly found walking away from the scene of the crash. Police, according to the report, stopped him, questioned him, and arrested him. He later provided breath samples registering .279 and .274 both more than three times the legal limit of .08. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Moe Re: Taskbar Problem Dear Webby I work with two ACER desktops, both running Window 7 with all the security updates and roll up patches. On one, the tool bar is a solid light gray above the desktop's photo background. And it is easy to see the Malware Bytes blue logo. But on the other PC's toolbar, the tool bar is a dark blue color that hides the Malware Bytes Icon of similar color. I clicked on the background and checked the Personalize option but did not see a control that applied? Must I read the Windows Seven manual? What is going on? MS Error, moe  Dear Moe You are using the "Aero" background programmed by California Airheads. With that, the task bar is sorta transparent, and your desktop picture shines through. Switch to CLASSIC and you will get the familiar grey task bar. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
 If you like my work,
 Please donate a dollar, 
 or two, if you can afford it!
 Please, help me stay online!
 
 _____________________________________________ When a man died, his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered than a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea." Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I knew he died of diarrhea. But I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was." ______________________________________________ A little old Jewish lady is flying out of New York City on her way to Miami Beach. She looks at the businessman sitting next to her and asks him, "Excuse me sir, but are you Jewish?" The man responds politely, "No, ma'am, I'm not Jewish." After a little while she again queries him. "You're really Jewish, aren't you?" Again he responds, "No, ma'am, I am not Jewish." Barely 10 minutes later, the little old lady asks him once more, "Are you sure you're not Jewish?" To which, in exasperation and in a final effort to shut her up, he replies, "OK. Yes, ma'am, I am Jewish." "Funny," she says, looking puzzled. "You don't look Jewish!" ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in a hurry, and was not happy about the slowness of the line. When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Easter!" "Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom you have there, you'll be home in no time flat." ___________________________________________________  
 Today, May 4, in 1471, In England, the Yorkists defeated the Landcastrians at the battle of Tewkesbury in the War of the Roses. 1493, Alexander VI divided non-Christian world between Spain and Portugal. 1626, Dutch explorer Peter Minuit landed on Manhattan Island. Native Americans later sold the island (20,000 acres) for $24 in cloth and buttons. 1715, A French manufacturer debuted the first folding umbrella. 1776, Rhode Island declared its freedom from England two months before the Declaration of Independence was adopted. 1814, Napoleon Bonaparte disembarked at Portoferraio on the island of Elba in the Mediterranean. 1863, The Battle of Chancellorsville ended when the Union Army retreated. 1886, A bomb exploded on the fourth day of a workers' strike in Chicago, IL. Eight people died during violence that day. 1886, Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter patented the gramophone. It was the first practical phonograph. 1904, The U.S. formally took control of the property for construction of the Panama Canal. 1905, Belmont Park opened in suburban Long Island. It opened as the largest race track in the world. 1916, Germany agreed to limit its submarine warfare after a demand from U.S. President Wilson. 1942, The Battle of the Coral Sea commenced as American and Japanese carriers launched their attacks at each other. 1942, The United States began food rationing. 1961, Thirteen civil rights activists, dubbed "Freedom Riders," began a bus trip through the South. 1970, The Ohio National Guardsmen opened fire on students during an anti-Vietnam war protest at Kent State University. Four students were killed and nine others were wounded. 1979, Margaret Thatcher became Britain's first woman prime minister. 1981, The Federal Reserve Board raised its discount rate to 14%. 1987, Live models were used for the first time in Playtex bra ads. 1987, The First Bank of the United States was listed as a National Historic Landmark. 1994, Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and PLO leader Yasser Arafat signed a historic accord on Palestinian autonomy that granted self-rule in the Gaza Strip and Jericho. 2000, The citizens of London elected their mayor for the first time. 2003, Idaho Gem was born. He was the first member of the horse family to be cloned. 2010, Pablo Picasso's "Nude, Green Leaves and Bust" sold for $106.5 million. 2012, In Las Vegas, NV, Google received the first self- driving vehicle testing license. 2022 Do smiled. 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!