Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, June 1 Tomorrow, June 2, I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters will be sent out for June 3, June 4, June 5 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Drunk Florida lawyer fell asleep while driving ___________________________________________________ History on this day, June 1, in 1869, Thomas Edison received a patent for his electric voting machine. ___________________________________________________ Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real. --- Iris Murdoch (1919 - 1999) Machines take me by surprise with great frequency. --- Alan Turing (1912 - 1954) ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________________ After receiving his pills from the pharmacist, the customer asked, "Are these time release pills?" The pharmacist replied, "Yes. They begin to work after your check clears." ___________________________________________________ The summer band class was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room. The sixth-graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student could stand it no more. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its fate. "Is it a bee?" another student asked. "Nope," he replied. "It's a bee flat." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Shreya Mehta, 39, Boca Raton, Florida, USA  Drunk Florida lawyer fell asleep while driving  Boca Raton resident Shreya Mehta allegedly fell asleep behind the wheel of her Lexus SUV while driving or while she was supposed to be driving at the intersection of US 441 and Atlantic Avenue in Delray Beach. She is now facing enhanced DUI and resisting arrest charges. According to the Palm Beach County Sheriffs Office, another motorist called police when he was stuck behind Mehta who wouldnt move her Lexus despite the traffic light changing multiple times. In a report, walked to the Lexus and knocked several times on the window but the woman did not respond. The motorist noted that the vehicle ignition was on and the radio was very loud. Palm Beach County Fire Rescue was first to arrive on the scene. They determined Mehta, 39, was fine and turned her over to a PBSO Deputy who wrote this: I walked up and met Mehta who was sitting on the curb on the driver side of her vehicle. After speaking with Mehta, I noticed her eyes were red and glassy and she had slurred, mush mouthed speech when Mehta walked near me, I smelled a strong odor of an unknown alcoholic beverage coming from her that became stronger when we spoke. Mehta also continuously repeated herself of the disbelief that she was passed out behind the wheel. She stated she was at downtown Delray Beach where was at dinner earlier. She also stated she went to the beach earlier also. Mehta initially stated she was by herself before later stating she was with multiple friends. Mehta advised she had two alcoholic beverages at dinner. MetroDesk Media, LLC) Boca Raton resident Shreya Mehta allegedly fell asleep behind the wheel of her Lexus SUV while driving or while she was supposed to be driving at the intersection of US 441 and Atlantic Avenue in Delray Beach. She is now facing enhanced DUI and resisting arrest charges. According to the Palm Beach County Sheriffs Office, another motorist called police when he was stuck behind Mehta who wouldnt move her Lexus despite the traffic light changing multiple times. The motorist, wrote police in a report, walked to the Lexus and knocked several times on the window but the woman did not respond. The motorist noted that the vehicle ignition was on and the radio was very loud. Palm Beach County Fire Rescue was first to arrive on the scene. They determined Mehta, 39, was fine and turned her over to a PBSO Deputy who wrote this: I walked up and met Mehta who was sitting on the curb on the driver side of her vehicle. After speaking with Mehta, I noticed her eyes were red and glassy and she had slurred, mush mouthed speechwhen Mehta walked near me, I smelled a strong odor of an unknown alcoholic beverage coming from her that became stronger when we spoke. Mehta also continuously repeated herself of the disbelief that she was passed out behind the wheel. She stated she was at downtown Delray Beach where was at dinner earlier. She also stated she went to the beach earlier also. Mehta initially stated she was by herself before later stating she was with multiple friends. Mehta advised she had two alcoholic beverages at dinner. Mehta, according to police, had problems completing field sobriety tests. She later said, Im not going anywhere, when police attempted to arrest her. They were ultimately successful even as police say she tried to slip her hands out of handcuffs. She later provided breath alcohol samples that registered .194 and .186. The legal limit in Florida is .08. A breath or blood alcohol content over .150 leads to an enhanced DUI charge. Mehta, of the 9000 block of Boca Gardens Trail in Boca Raton, was booked into jail at 3:29 a.m. Thursday. She was released on her own recognizance several hours later. A court date is pending. The Florida Bars public directory reveals that Mehta is an attorney. She was admitted to the Florida Bar in May of 2011. ___________________________________________________ On the Upper West Side of NYC lived an assimilated Jew who was now a very militant atheist. But he sent his son to Trinity School because, despite its denominational roots, it's a great school, and completely secular. After a month, the boy comes home and says casually, "By the way Dad, do you know what Trinity means? It means the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost." The father can barely control his rage. He seizes his son by the shoulders and declares, "Danny, I'm going to tell you something now and I want you never to forget it. There is only one God... and we don't believe in him!" ___________________________________________________ if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ Remember....Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. "I am" may be the shortest sentence in the English language, but according to some, "I do" is the longest. ____________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ Two Catholic boys pass an Episcopalian minister. At the sight of the reversed collar, one of them says, "Hello, Father." The other boy elbows him in the ribs. "He's no Father, you dummy. He's married and has three kids!" ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Buzzy Re: Tech Support memorabilia Dear Webby, Some highlights of my career: Secretary: "My printer is flashing '''Error 13 Paper Out" Buzzy: "Check to see if there is paper in the machine" Secretary: "Already did, no - there is no paper in the machine" Buzzy: "Try filling the paper bin, see if that fixes the 'error''." Secretary: "Hold on.... Yes that fixed it, but every time it runs out of paper I get the error again." Buzzy: SILENT (I had nothing to say...) >From the old days of DOS, remember the 5.25-inch floppy discs? VP Marketing: "I am getting an ''Error reading drive A:' message" Buzzy: "Is there a disc in A" VP Marketing: "Yes, the first disc worked fine. The problem started when it asked for disc 2 to be inserted." Buzzy: "Perhaps the disc is defective." VP Marketing: "Yes, it could be. I have two in there now, and I don't know if the other 5 are going to fit into that small slot." Secretary: "I need a tech to come and fix my printer." Buzzy: "What is the problem." Secretary: "It is printing misspelled words and Mr. XXXXXX is upset with me." Buzzy: "Did you try running the spellchecker on your WordPerfect?" Secretary: "Yes, but it only fixed the words on the screen. The document I printed remained incorrect." Buzzy: "Try printing the document AFTER running spell check." User: "Hi, I signed up for your Internet service and I am having trouble getting on." Buzzy: "Did you install the CD we sent you?" User: "Yes, everything went fine." Buzzy: "Can you hear your modem dialing?" User: "Yes, but it tells me it cannot detect a dial tone." Buzzy: "Do you have a phone line plugged into your modem?" User: "You never said I needed a phone line to use your service. I want a refund." Buzzy: His money was CHEERFULLY refunded! Another from the old days of DOS Executive: "I am having trouble finding the 'ANY KEY', the screen says to hit 'ANY KEY' to continue." Buzzy: "I'll have to get someone out there to install the 'ANY KEY', in the meantime just hit the space bar." Secretary: "My new computer does not work." Buzzy: "What is the problem?" Secretary: "Well the mouse does not work." Buzzy: Went to her desk and found the mouse on the floor. She thought it was a foot pedal. Executive: "My computer is making funny beeping noises. [Hold phone to PC and I hear a series of fast beeps.]" Buzzy: "Sounds like a key is stuck down. Are you holding any keys down?" Executive: "No, I am not touching it." Buzzy: Went to his desk and noticed the keyboard in a puddle of cola. Executive: "Could that be the problem?" Buzzy: "It is ONE of the problems..." Secretary: "I cannot open a file on the disc I was given." Buzzy: After trying on the phone to help her, I needed to look at the file. "Please send me a copy of the disc." Later in an inter-office memo folder was a photocopy of the disc. >From the days of the 5.25inch floppies... Secretary: "I am getting 'Error reading drive A', it worked fine yesterday." Buzzy: After trying a number of things on the phone I went to her desk. Secretary: "See it works fine now, but after I label it, it gives me errors. Buzzy: After she wrote to the disc, she dutifully placed it in her typewriter to label it. >From the days of the 5.25inch floppies... Secretary: "I am getting 'Error reading drive A', it worked fine yesterday." Buzzy: After asking the usual questions on the phone, I went to her cubicle to find a number of floppies attached to her bulletin board with pushpins. Secretary: "My mouse is not working properly." Buzzy: "What is the problem?" Secretary: "When I go right, it goes left, when I go up it goes down." Buzzy: "Turn the mouse so the tail is pointing AWAY from you." Secretary: "Oh thanks, it is much easier to use this way." User: "I am getting an 'ACCESS DENIED' when I try to log into your Internet service." Buzzy: After verifying username and password. "Are you typing in your username an password in lower case? It is case sensitive." User: "My keyboard only has capital letters on it." My FORMER Employer, the head of a '.com' company: "Buzzy, could you print out the Internet for me. I don't have a computer at home and I would like to surf the net this weekend. Note: This Company is no longer in business (wonder why?) Phone caller: "Hi, is this the Internet?" Buzzy: "Well, we provide access to the Internet. Can I help you? Phone caller: "No, I want to speak to the REAL Internet, not just an access company." Buzzy: "Uh....um.... Try directory assistance."  Dear Buzzy Those are definitely memorable calls! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ A friend and I were driving to the mall when we came to a bridge under construction. The road narrowed to one lane, with a red light at either end. We stopped at the red light at on our side and when it turned green we started up again. Halfway through we met another car coming towards us. The driver leaned out his window and shouted, "I don't back up for idiots!" Putting his car into reverse, my friend called back, "No problem. I do." 
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 _____________________________________________ My Uncle Joe was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client. "Now, ladies and gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe that if my client had a quart of whiskey he would sell it?" He was acquitted. ______________________________________________ Hurricane season is next. Are all yall crazy toilet peper hoarders going to go nuts on lightbulbs, in case the power goes out? ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods. The Game Warden was hot on his heels. After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him. "Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped. With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," said the Game Warden, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes, sir," replied the kid, "but my friend back there, he doesnt have one." ___________________________________________________  
 Today, June 1, in 1533, Anne Boleyn, Henry VIIIs new queen, was crowned. 1774, The British government ordered the Port of Boston closed. 1789, The first U.S. congressional act on administering oaths became law. 1792, Kentucky became the 15th state of the U.S. 1796, Tennessee became the 16th state of the U.S. 1861, The first skirmish of the U.S. Civil War took place at the Fairfax Court House, Virginia. 1869, Thomas Edison received a patent for his electric voting machine. 1877, U.S. troops were authorized to pursue bandits into Mexico. 1892, The General Electric Company (GE) began operations after the merging of the Edison General Electric and the Thomson-Houston Electric companies. 1896, In Paris, France, the first recorded automobile theft occurred. The Peugeot of Baron de Zuylen de Nyevelt was stolen by his mechanic. 1915, Germany conducted the first zeppelin air raid over England. 1916, The National Defense Act increased the strength of the U.S. National Guard by 450,000 men. 1921, A race riot erupted in Tulsa, OKlahoma. 85 people were killed. 1935, The Ingersoll-Waterbury Company reported that it had produced 2.5 million Mickey Mouse watches during its 2-year association with Disney. 1938, Baseball helmets were worn for the first time. 1939, The Douglas DC-4 made its first passenger flight from Chicago to New York. 1941, The German Army completed the capture of Crete as the Allied evacuation ended. 1942, The U.S. began sending Lend-Lease materials to the Soviet Union. 1943, During World War II, Germans shot down a civilian flight from Lisbon to London. 1944, The French resistance was warned by a coded message from the British that the D-Day invasion was imminent. 1944, Siesta was abolished by the government of Mexico. 1954, In the Peanuts comic strip, Linus' security blanket made its debut. 1958, Charles de Gaulle became the premier of France. 1958, IBM ended its design of machines that contained electronic tubes. 1961, Radio listeners in New York, California, and Illinois were introduced to FM multiplex stereo broadcasting. A year later the FCC made this a standard. 1963, Governor George Wallace vowed to defy an injunction that ordered the integration of the University of Alabama. 1970, Zimbabwe came into existence. It was formerly known as Rhodesia. 1972, In Iraq, The Ba'athist government nationalized the western-owned Iraq Petroleum Company and turned operations over to the Iraq National Oil Company. 1977, The Soviet Union formally charged Jewish human rights activist Anatoly Shcharansky with treason. He was imprisoned until 1986. 1978, The U.S. reported the finding of wiretaps in the American embassy in Moscow. 1979, In the U.S., the government-controlled ceiling on oil prices ends. The control was phased out over 28 months. 1980, Cable News Network (CNN) made its debut as the first all-news station. 1989, Disney World's "Typhoon Lagoon" opened. 1995, At Disneyland Paris, the attraction "Space Mountain: From The Earth to the Moon" opened. 1998, In the U.S., the FDA approved a urine-only test for the AIDS virus. 1998, A $124 million suit was brought against Goodyear Tire & Rubber that alleged discrimination towards black workers. 1999, Merrill Lynch chairman David Komansky announced that the firm would soon allow its customers to buy and sell stocks over the Internet. 2008, The Phoenix Mars Lander became the first NASA spacecraft to scoop Martian soil. 2009, The first event, a George Strait concert, was held at Cowboys Stadium in Arlington, TX. 2009, General Motors filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. The filing made GM the largest U.S. industrial company to enter bankruptcy protection. 2022 Do smiled. 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

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