Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, June 9 Thank you, Norm!!! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ ASU officer hurt after being hit on the head with a glass bottle ___________________________________________________ Today, June 9 in 1860 The Ms. Ann Stevens book "Malaeska, the Indian Wife of the White Hunter" was offered for sale for a dime. It was the first published "dime novel." ____________________________________________________ People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history. --- Dan Quayle (1947 - ) ____________________________________________________ >From Rock A pastor was doing his children's sermon with all the youngsters down front to hear the lesson. He was discussing the story of Jonah. He quoted the scriptures from Jonah 1 and 2: "And the Lord appointed a great fish to swallow up Jonah; and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights. Then Jonah prayed to the Lord his God from the belly of the fish, saying 'I called to the Lord out of my distress and He answered me.' ... and the Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land." (Jonah 1:17; 2:2, 10) When the pastor finished the quotation, he started trying to solicit input from the youngsters to help him complete his mini-sermon. He asked thoughtfully, "What does the fish vomiting Jonah out on dry land indicate to us today?" One of the youngsters spoke with great enthusiasm for the entire congregation to hear, "It proves that even a fish can't stomach a bad preacher!" ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Church Bulletin Board Bloopers: Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. ------------- The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoy sinning to join the choir. ------------ The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility. ------------ The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." ----------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. ------------ The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours." -------------- "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael James Smith, Phoenix, Arizona, USA ASU officer hurt after being hit on the head with a glass bottle An Arizona State University police officer is recovering after being hit on the head with a glass bottle after trying to arrest a man who flipped over a trash can. The incident happened at the school's downtown Phoenix campus. During the arrest, police realized he had a warrant with the Mesa Police Department. Michael James Smith now faces charges with both ASU and Mesa Police. "The police officers are okay, we had them checked out medically aside from cuts and abrasions," said Adam Wolfe, spokesperson for ASU PD. "Obviously getting hit over the head with a bottle can daze you a bit, but she handled it okay." The incident began when Smith was walking from a downtown Phoenix park towards the nearby post office. Police say he flipped over a trash can and began throwing trash all over the street. The ASU officer then approached the suspect, asking him to pick up the trash. "He refused and shouted profanities, so when she responded again and said he would be arrested for littering if he didn't pick up the trash, he refused," said Wolfe. "A police aide came over for support. The suspect was holding a grocery bag - it had a glass bottle, and he swung it and hit the officer in the head." During the arrest, the bottle was broken and both the ASU officer and aide were cut. Smith had an outstanding warrant with Mesa Police and was transferred to Mesa. "In a way, its a blessing the way it turned out," Wolfe said. "He did have an active warrant out, so we were able to keep our campus safe and help Mesa PD." Smith faces charges of aggravated assault, resisting arrest, littering and drug possession. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits FROM: Donny RE: Why is fiber a downgrade? Dear Webby You mentioned your fiber connection as a downgrade. Isn't it an upgrade? Donny Dear Donny I have had 29 Mbps DSL for a dozen years or so. 25 Mbps on fiber is not really an upgrade. They are not doing ME a favor. It is for their own benefit, and in 2 years, after they have pulled out the copper and sold it for scrap, they say that they plan to increase the cost of fiber. No way to go back to copper then. A lot of people are praying that Elon Musks satellites will be ready by then. Then we will get 200 Mbps, just like everybody in South Korea. Have FUN! DearWebby >From Larry There was once a small boy named Johnny who banged a drum all day and loved every moment of it. He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did. Various attempts were made to do something about the child. One person told Johnny that he would, if he continued to make so much noise, perforate his eardrums. This reasoning was too advanced for the child, who was neither a scientist nor a scholar. A second person told Johnny that drum beating was a special activity and should be carried out only on rare occasions. The third person offered the neighbors plugs for their ears; a fourth gave Johnny a book; a fifth person gave Johnny meditation exercises to make him placid and docile. None of these attempts worked. Eventually, old Moishe Tennenbaum walked by wondering what all of the ruckus was about. He surveyed the situation, handed the child a hammer and chisel, and asked, "I vuner vhat's inside the drum?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A popular cheerleader bounced into the local card shop, looked around, then approached the clerk. "Do you have any, like, real special birthday cards?" she asked. "Yes, we do," he replied. "As a matter of fact, here's a new one. It's inscribed, "To the Man Who Was My First" "Wow, neat!" she squealed. "I'll take the whole box." ___________________________________________ A woman picked up a few items in the supermarket, then headed for the express line. The clerk had his back turned to her, so she said, "Excuse me. I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?" The clerk turned, looked her up and down and said, "Not bad looking at all, for your age." ____________________________________________ A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?" The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said--"Well yeah, if that's what they are--I never heard of circle flies." So the farmer says--"Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse." The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horses ass?" The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horses ass." The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, June 9, in 1064 Coimbra, Portugal fell to Ferdinand, the King of Castile. 1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the river he named Saint Lawrence. 1790 John Barry copyrighted "Philadelphia Spelling Book." It was the first American book to be copyrighted. 1790 Civil war broke out in Martinique. 1860 The Ms. Ann Stevens book "Malaeska, the Indian Wife of the White Hunter" was offered for sale for a dime. It was the first published "dime novel." 1861 Mary Ann "Mother" Bickerdyke began working in Union hospitals. 1923 Bulgaria's government was overthrown by the military. 1931 Robert H. Goddard patented a rocket-fueled aircraft design. 1934 Donald Duck made his debut in the Silly Symphonies cartoon "The Wise Little Hen." 1940 Norway surrendered to the Nazis during World War II. 1943 The withholding tax on payrolls was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 1945 Japanese Premier Kantaro Suzuki declared that Japan would fight to the last rather than accept unconditional surrender. 1959 The first ballistic missile carrying submarine, the USS George Washington, was launched. 1978 Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints struck down a 148-year-old policy of excluding black men from the Mormon priesthood. 1980 Richard Pryor was severely burned by a "free-base" mixture that exploded. He was hospitalized more than two months. 1985 Thomas Sutherland, an American educator, was kidnapped in Lebanon. He was not released until November 1991. 1986 The Rogers Commission released a report on the Challenger disaster. The report explained that the spacecraft blew up as a result of a failure in a solid rocket booster joint. 1999 NATO and Yugoslavia signed a peace agreement over Kosovo. 2000 Canada and the United States signed a border security agreement. The agreement called for the establishment of a border-enforcement team. 2000 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to repeal gift and estate taxes. The bill called for the taxes to be phased out over 10 years. 2001 Patrick Roy (Colorado Avalanche) became the first National Hockey League (NHL) player to win three Conn Smythe Trophies. The award is given to the playoff's Most Valuable Player. 2011 The world's first artificial organ transplant was performed. It was an artificial windpipe coated with stem cells. 2021 Do smiled. |
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