| Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, March 21, 2023 ___________________________________________________ History: on this day, March 20, in 1854, The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50 slavery opponents began the new political group. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: 'Bogus Barbie' murdered boyfriend, now wants conjugal visits from next one __________________________________________________ Q O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. --- Saint Augustine (354 AD - 430 AD) ________________________________________________ >From Dale Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in Canada, I was stopped by a state trooper in New York for exceeding the speed limit. Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother's delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way. Later, I was stopped by another trooper. "What have I done?" I asked. "Nothing," the trooper said, smiling. "I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ An Indian, a black man and a Polack share an apartment. The rent is due soon and all three are unemployed, so they all go out to look for a job. That evening, they met to discuss their day. The Indian says to his roommates, "Me pissed me no find no job." The black man then says, "Shit man, I ain't hooked up no job either!" The Polack chimes in, "Hey, I found a good job! The owner said all I had to do was show up on time at 8A.M. and I could go to work!" Knowing that the Indian woke really early and watched the sun rise, the Polack asked the Indian to wake him at 6:30 so he could get to work on time and then went to bed. The black man liked to play practical jokes and talked the Indian into helping him play one on the Polack. While the Polack slept the other two painted his face black. The Indian woke the Polack at 6:30 who then got dressed and went straight to his new job. When he got there, he told the owner he was ready to go to work. The owner said he didn't know what he was talking about. The Polack reminded him of his promise to put him to work if he showed up on time. The owner said that the guy he hired was white. The Polack replied, "I am white". The owner said, "No you're not, you are black, go look in the mirror!" The Polack went to the bathroom, looked in the mirror and exclaimed, "That stupid damn Indian woke up the wrong guy!" _________________________________________________ A man in England is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the back seat. And the women just won't leave the poor guy alone. His mother-in-law says, "You're driving too fast!" His wife says, "Stay to the left!" After several more orders from both of them the man breaks down and barks at his wife, "Who's driving this car -- you or your mother?" _________________________________________________ Hernando Alonso Rivera Cervantes, Villa de Alvarez, Mexico ________________________________________________ A Marine had been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a girl wearing the tightest pants he had ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get in those pants?" The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a drink." ________________________________________________ A man who takes great pride in his lawn has a heavy crop of dandelions. After unsuccessfully trying every known way of getting rid of them, he writes to the Department of Agriculture enumerating all of the things he has tried. At the end of the letter, he asks, "What shall I do now?" In due course he receives the reply: "We suggest you learn to love them." --------------- Young dandelions make delicious salad! They look and taste like Arrigula, maybe a bit stronger. I love them with tiny flecks of onion and Kraft Raspberry dressing. Right now, though, they are lurking under the snow, just waiting to sproing up when we go onto Summer time and the snow goes away till November. ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Some wacky definitions. SALESMAN -- man with ability to convince wife she'd look fat in mink. CANNIBAL -- person who likes to see other people stewed. EGOCENTRIC -- a person who believes he is everything you know you are. FOREIGN FILM -- any movie shown in Texas or Alberta theater that isn't a western. MAGAZINE -- bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue - or the most important part of a gun. COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the car. EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, fire department and places that deliver. OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings. BUFFET: A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself." BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers. TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches. PIONEER -- early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods. PEOPLE -- some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what's happened. SWIMMING POOL -- a mob of people yakking in chlorinated piss. SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut. TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity. ___________________________________________________ The owner of a small pizza parlor was being questioned by an IRS agent about his return on which he reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year. "Why don't you people leave me alone?" he said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?" "It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife." "Oh, that," the owner said. "We deliver." __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Abigail White, 24, In Jail England 'Bogus Barbie' murdered boyfriend, now wants conjugal visits from next one The British tabloids called her Bogus Barbie. The courts called her a killer and served her with a life sentence for murdering her boyfriend. But now, Abigail White, 24, is demanding jailhouse conjugal visits with her new boyfriend. She was caged for life for stabbing then-beau Bradley Lewis, 22, through the heart after he dumped her in March 2022. White who styles herself as a Barbie doll claimed she only wanted to scare the father of three. Shes now on the hook to serve at least 18 years of the life sentence. The blond killer now insists that her needs must be met. And that includes sex. It has come to my attention, after recently being sentenced to 18 years, that prisons do not facilitate overnight stays for women prisoners and their partners, White told prison magazine Inside Times. They should take into account and consideration our needs, and allow men and women to have overnight stays together. I would like to know what other prisoners think about this, as quite a few girls here agree. But the jailhouse is a long way from Whites past life. She had boasted she was making $80,000 a year on the website OnlyFans. After she threw a drink into her former boyfriends face, he told pals at a Bristol watering hole: Im dead when I get home. And he was after White drove an 18-centimetre kitchen knife into his heart. She told friends she was capable of killing him. Meanwhile, the victims family believes Bogus Barbie got off easy. We were pleased with the verdict [of murder] but we would have liked a few more years on top, his grieving father, Steve Lewis told the U.K. Sun. It doesnt feel right really, were glad shes locked up but we dont feel weve got justice because were the ones with the full life sentence. He added: People just wanted her, in a sense, to rot in hell. But White may struggle to get the jailhouse sex she desires: U.K. prisons dont allow them. They are legal in Australia, Canada, the U.S., France and elsewhere, though mostly for much smaller crimes. Next she wil demand a vacation from jail. _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: June Re: Text editor Dear Webby I need a text editor, that is more reliable than WordPad and that does not try to impose fonts or formatting. Whatcha got? June Dear June I have been using NoteTab for about 25 years, since the concept of Tabs came out. You can have dozens of files in tabs and copy / paste from and to the from any of hem. NoteTab is rock solid, and the free trial works just fine. I switched to the paid version not because the free version lacked anything, but because I was so impressed and grateful. You get it from http://notetab.com _____________________________________________________ Today, March 21 in 1349. 3,000 Jews were killed in Black Death riots in Efurt Germany. 1556. Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury, was burned at the stake at Oxford after retracting the last of seven recantations that same day. 1788. Almost the entire city of New Orleans, LA, was destroyed by fire. 856 buildings were destroyed. 1790. Thomas Jefferson reported to U.S. President George Washington as the new secretary of state. 1804. The French civil code, the Code Napoleon, was adopted. 1824. A fire at a Cairo ammunitions dump killed 4,000 horses. 1826. The Rensselaer School in Troy, NY, was incorporated. The school became known as Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute and was the first engineering college in the U.S. 1835. Charles Darwin & Mariano Gonzales met at Portillo Pass. 1851. Emperor Tu Duc ordered that Christian priests be put to death. 1851. Yosemite Valley was discovered in California. 1857. An earthquake hit Tokyo killing about 107,000. 1858. British forces in India lift the siege of Lucknow, ending the Indian Mutiny. 1859. In Philadelphia, the first Zoological Society was incorporated. 1868. The Sorosos club for professional women was formed in New York City by Jennie June. It was the first of its kind. 1871. Journalist Henry M Stanley began his famous expedition to Africa. 1902. In New York, three Park Avenue mansions were destroyed when a subway tunnel roof caved in. 1904. The British Parliament vetoed a proposal to send Chinese workers to Transvaal. 1907. The U.S. Marines landed in Honduras to protect American interests in the war with Nicaragua. 1907. The first Parliament of Transvaal met in Pretoria. 1908. A passenger was carried in a bi-plane for the first time by Henri Farman of France. 1909. Russia withdrew its support for Serbia and recognized the Austrian annexation of Bosnia-Herzegovina. Serbia accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina on March 31, 1909. 1910. The U.S. Senate granted ex-President Teddy Roosevelt a yearly pension of $10,000. 1918. During World War I, the Germans launched the Somme Offensive. 1925. The state of Tennessee enacted the Butler Act. It was a law that made it a crime for a teacher in any state- supported public school to teach any theory that was in contradiction to the Bible's account of man's creation. 1928. U.S. President Calvin Coolidge gave the Congressional Medal of Honor to Charles Lindbergh for his first trans- Atlantic flight. 1934. A fire destroyed Hakodate, Japan, killing about 1,500. 1935. Incubator ambulance service began in Chicago, IL. 1941. The last Italian post in East Libya, North Africa, fell to the British. 1945. During World War II, thousands of Allied bombers began four days of raids over Germany. 1946. The United Nations set up a temporary headquarters at Hunter College in New York City. 1957. Shirley Booth made her TV acting debut in "The Hostess with the Mostest" on CBS. 1960. About 70 people were killed in Sharpeville, South Africa, when police fired upon demonstrators. 1963. Alcatraz Island, the federal penitentiary in San Francisco Bay, CA, closed. 1965. The U.S. launched Ranger 9. It was the last in a series of unmanned lunar explorations. 1965. More than 3,000 civil rights demonstrators led by the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. began a march from Selma to Montgomery, AL. 1966. In New York, demolition work began to clear thirteen square blocks for the construction of the original World Trade Center. 1971. Two U.S. platoons in Vietnam refused their orders to advance. 1972. The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states could not require one year of residency for voting eligibility. 1974. In Londone, an attempt was made to kidnap Princess Anne on the Mall. 1980. U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced to the U.S. Olympic Team that they would not participate in the 1980 Summer Games in Moscow as a boycott against Soviet intervention in Afghanistan. 1980. On the TV show "Dallas", J.R. Ewing was shot. 1982. The movie "Annie" premiered. 1982. The United States, U.K. and other Western countries condemned the Soviet intervention in Afghanistan. 1984. A Soviet submarine crashed into the USS Kitty Hawk off the coast of Japan. 1985. Larry Flynt offered to sell his pornography empire for $26 million or "Hustler" magazine alone for $18 million. 1985. Police in Langa, South Africa, opened fire on blacks marching to mark the 25th anniversary of the Sharpeville shootings. At least 21 demonstrators were killed. 1989. Randall Dale Adams was released from a Texas prison after his conviction was overturned. The documentary "The Thin Blue Line" had challenged evidence of Adams' conviction for killing a police officer. 1990. Australian businessman Alan Bond sold Van Gogh's "Irises" to the Gerry Museum. Bond had purchased the painting for $53.9 million in 1987. 1990. Namibia became independent of South Africa. 1991. 27 people were lost at sea when two U.S. Navy anti- submarine planes collided. 1991. The U.N. Security Council lifted the food embargo against Iraq. 1994. Dudley Moore was arrested for hitting his girlfriend. 1994. Steven Spielberg won his first Oscars. They were for best picture and best director for "Schindler's List." 1994. Wayne Gretzky tied Gordie Howe's NHL record of 801 goals. 1994. Bill Gates of Microsoft and Craig McCaw of McCaw Cellular Communications announced a $9 billion plan that would send 840 satellites into orbit to relay information around the globe. 1995. New Jersey officially dedicated the Howard Stern Rest Area along Route 295. 1995. Tokyo police raided the headquarters of Aum Shinrikyo in search of evidence to link the cult to the Sarin gas released on five Tokyo subway trains. 1999. Israel's Supreme Court rejected the final effort to have American Samuel Sheinbein returned to the U.S. to face murder charges for killing Alfred Tello, Jr. Under a plea bargain Sheinbein was sentenced to 24 years in prison. 2000. The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that the U.S. Food and Drug Administration had overstepped its regulatory authority when it attempted to restrict the marketing of cigarettes to youngsters. 2001. Nintendo released Game Boy Advance. 2002. In Pakistan, Ahmed Omar Saeed Sheikh was charged with murder for his role in the kidnapping of Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pear. Three other Islamic militants that were in custody were also charged along with seven more accomplices that were still at large. 2002. In Paris, an 1825 print by French inventor Joseph Nicephore Niepce was sold for $443,220. The print, of a man leading a horse, was the earliest recorded image taken by photographic means. 2003. It was reported that the Dow Jones Industrial Average closed up 235.27 (2.8%) at 8,521.97. It was the strongest weekly gain in more than 20 years. 2016. It was reported that the Kepler space telescope had captured the visible light of a "shock breakout" when the star KSN 2011a exploded. It was the first time an exploding star's brilliant flash shockwave had been captured. 2023, Do smiled. 2023, Do smiled.
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