Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, May 24 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  Milwaukee bakery burglar caught after his mug shot was featured on cookies  ___________________________________________________ Today, May 24 in 1844 Samuel F.B. Morse formally opened America's first telegraph line. The first message was sent from Washington, DC, to Baltimore, MD. The message was "What hath God wrought?" ____________________________________________________ Good taste is the worst vice ever invented. --- Edith Sitwell (1887 - 1964) ____________________________________________________ There was a young maid from Madras Who had a magnificent ass: Not pretty and pink -- As you'd probably think -- T'was gray with long ears, and ate grass. ____________________________________________________ A newspaper reporter was writing a feature story about prison life and was interviewing one of the prisoners. "Do you watch much television here?" "Only the daytime shows," the inmate said. "At night we're locked in our cells and don't see any television." "That's too bad," the reporter said, "But I do think it is nice that the warden lets you watch it in the daytime." "What do you mean, nice?" the inmate said. "That's part of the punishment." ____________________________________________________   I agree 300% ____________________________________________________ A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no, he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from the party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery. The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day. A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if hubby lives there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door and there sits their police car, lights still flashing. True story, told by the driver at his first AA meeting. ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Dominic Kolp, 45, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA  Milwaukee bakery burglar caught after his mug shot was featured on cookies  A Milwaukee man faces charges for allegedly burglarizing a bakery on the city's south side. The charges come after the bakery digitized the face of the suspect captured by surveillance video and put it on cookies the bakery then sold. 45-year-old Dominic Kolp is charged with burglary of a building and felony bail jumping. According to the criminal complaint, police were dispatched to Canfora-Lakeside Bakery on E. Oklahoma Avenue early on Tuesday, April 20 to investigate an unlawful entry complaint. Officers spoke with the owner of the bakery. The complaint indicates the bakery had been last open on the previous Sunday -- and was scheduled to open on Tuesday, April 20. When an employee arrived to prepare for Tuesday, that person "observed that the cash drawer was missing." The drawer apparently had roughly $200 inside. Officers reviewed interior and exterior surveillance video. The complaint says exterior video "shows a male subject wearing a cap carrying a plastic milk crate checking the side door of the bakery, and then moving around to the north side of the building" around 12:40 a.m. The suspect "re-appears, now wearing gloves and a facemask." The complaint says he successfully removed a lockbox from a wall. "The suspect tries a key in the metal security door but cannot get the door to open. The subject then tries the key in the side door, and enters the business through the side door." According to the complaint, interior video shows the suspect removing the cash drawer from the register. The video "shows the suspect's face with a high degree of clarity." Police released the photo of the burglary suspect -- and the owner of the bakery "took the digitized image of the burglary suspect and converted it into a cookie decoration in the likeness of the suspect. The decorated cookies were widely reported." On April 26, an officer saw the cookie pictures of the suspect online -- and recognized him. A couple of days later, a local business owner also called police to identify the suspect in the bakery burglary as Kolp. The complaint says on May 9, officers responded to a hotel on W. Layton Avenue where Kolp was staying. He attempted to jump from a second-floor balcony to escape police but was taken into custody. When interviewed by police, the complaint says Kolp "denied going into the bakery. The defendant stated that he jumped from the hotel balcony because he knew he was wanted in connection with the bakery burglary." Kolp made his initial appearance in Milwaukee County court on Saturday, May 15. Cash bond was set at $1,000. Kolp is due back in court for a preliminary hearing on May 24. 
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits FROM: Janice RE: Thesaurus  Dear Webby It's me again. Since I am unfamiliar with wires and stuff besides it's hard getting to it as it is behind massive mounds of paraphernalia, I have not gotten sound fixed yet. But I am thinking about it. (Maybe a shovel would help?) However, I was checking some of your links, and the following link to the Thesaurus doesn't seem to want to work. Any ideas? Let's face it, I am totally lost if I don't get your Humor letter every morning. The two days that the internet wasn't up to speed, I searched and searched hoping to find your humor letter was just lost in my labyrinth of a computer. I missed two issues! Janice  Dear Janice The Thesaurus site did not receive enough donations and she went to work as a greeter at Walmart. I can certainly understand that. I used to get a few bucks on my birthday. This year, not a penny. I found a new Thesausrus link: https://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus I am sorry you missed two Humor Letters when the net was down. There will be a few more. Have FUN! DearWebby 
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 Put a sign on the copier that says, "Voice Activated! Speak loudly into the panel." ----------- That is even better than what I do: Every time I buy a new keyboard, I use a spoon and pry off the silly CAPS LOCK key. Then I go and epoxy it onto the big coin operated copier at Walmart or Staples. ___________________________________________ A famous football coach was on vacation with his family in Maine. When they walked into a movie theater and sat down, the handful of people there applauded. He thought to himself, "I can't believe it. People recognize me all the way up here." Then a man came over to him and said, "Thanks for coming. They won't start the movie unless we have ten paying people or more." ____________________________________________ GOVERNMENT PIPE SPECIFICATIONS 1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole. 2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe. 3. The I.D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O.D.(outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside. 4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date. 5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site. N.B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site. 6. All pipe over 500 ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe. 7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2 km) in length must have the words "very long pipe" painted in the middle, so the Contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether or not it is a long pipe or a very long pipe. 8. All pipe over 6" (152 mm) in diameter must have the words "large pipe" painted on it, so the Contractor will not mistake it for small pipe. 9. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts quite separate from the big hole in the middle. 10. When ordering 90 degrees, 45 degrees or 30 degrees elbow, be sure to specify right hand or left hand; otherwise you will end up going the wrong way. 11. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipe for going uphill, the water will flow the wrong way. 12. All couplings should have either right hand or left hand thread, but do not mix the threads - otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on one pipe, it is unscrewed from the other. ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, May 24 in 1610 Sir Thomas Gates institutes "laws divine moral and marshal," a harsh civil code for Jamestown. 1624 After years of unprofitable operation Virginias charter was revoked and it became a royal colony. 1689 The English Parliament passed Act of Toleration, protecting Protestants. Roman Catholics were specifically excluded from exemption. 1738 The Methodist Church was established. 1764 Bostonian lawyer James Otis denounced "taxation without representation" and called for the colonies to unite in demonstrating their opposition to Britains new tax measures. 1798 Believing that a French invasion of Ireland was imminent, Irish nationalists rose up against the British occupation. 1816 Emamual Leutze was born in Germany. He was most famous for his paintings "Washington Crossing the Delaware" and "Columbus Before the Queen". 1822 At the Battle of Pichincha, Bolivar secured independence of the Quito. 1830 The first passenger railroad service in the U.S. began service. 1844 Samuel F.B. Morse formally opened America's first telegraph line. The first message was sent from Washington, DC, to Baltimore, MD. The message was "What hath God wrought?" 1859 Charles Gounod's "Ave Maria" was performed by Madame Caroline Miolan-Carvalho for the first time in public. 1863 Bushwackers led by Captain William Marchbanks attacked a U.S. Federal militia party in Nevada, Missouri. 1878 The first American bicycle race was held in Boston. 1881 About 200 people died when the Canadian ferry Princess Victoria sank near London, Ontario. 1883 After 14 years of construction the Brooklyn Bridge was opened to traffic. 1899 The first public garage was opened by W.T. McCullough. 1913 The U.S. Department of Labor entered into its first strike mediation. The dispute was between the Railroad Clerks of the New York, New Haven and Hartford Railroad. 1930 Amy Johnson became the first woman to fly from England to Australia. 1931 B&O Railroad began service with the first passenger train to have air conditioning throughout. The run was between New York City and Washington, DC. 1941 The HMS Hood was sunk by the German battleship Bismarck in the North Atlantic. Only three people survived. 1954 The first moving sidewalk in a railroad station was opened in Jersey City, NJ. 1961 The Freedom Riders were arrested in Jackson, Mississippi. 1967 California Governor Ronald Reagan greeted Charles M. Schulz at the state capitol in observance of the legislature- proclaimed "Charles Schulz Day." 1976 Britain and France opened trans-Atlantic Concorde service to Washington. 1980 The International Court of Justice issued a final decision calling for the release of the hostages taken at the U.S. embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. 1983 The Brooklyn Bridge's 100th birthday was celebrated. 1983 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the federal government had the right to deny tax breaks to schools that racially discriminate. 1986 Montreal won its 23rd National Hockey League (NHL) Stanley Cup championship. 1990 The Edmonton Oilers won their fifth National Hockey League (NHL) Stanley Cup. 1993 Roman Catholic Cardinal Juan Jesus Posada Ocampo and six other people were killed at the Guadalajara, Mexico, airport in a shootout that involved drug gangs. 1993 The Ethiopian province of Eritrea declared itself an independent nation. 1994 The four men convicted of bombing the New York World Trade Center were each sentenced to 240 years in prison. 1999 39 miners were killed in an underground gas explosion in the Ukraine. 2000 Five people were killed and two others wounded when two gunmen entered a Wendy's restaurant in Flushing, Queens, New York. The gunmen tied up the victims in the basement and then shot them. 2000 The U.S. House of Representatives approved permanent normal trade relations with China. China was not happy about some of the human rights conditions that had been attached by the U.S. lawmakers. 2000 A Democratic Party event for Al Gore in Washington brought in $26.5 million. The amount set a new record, which had just been set the previous month by Republicans for Texas Gov. George W. Bush. 2001 Temba Tsheri, 15, became the youngest person to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 2011 NASA announced the development of the Orion Multi-Purpose Crew Vehicle (MPCV) spacecraft. It is intended to facilitate exploration of the Moon, asteroids and Mars. 2021 Do smiled. 
 
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