Good Morning, ! Today is Saturday, Sept 30 __________________________________________________ Q Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. --- Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797) ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Taco Hold-up ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ History On This Day, Sept 30, in 1989, Thousands of East Germans began emigrating under an accord between the NATO nations and the Soviet Union. ____________________________________________________ A young man volunteered to babysit one night so his mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to watch football. One child kept creeping down the stairs but the young man kept sending him back. At 9pm, the doorbell rang, it was the next-door neighbor Mrs. Brown, asking whether her son was there. The young man brusquely replied, "No". Just then a little head appeared over the bannister and a voice shouted, "I'm here Mom but he won't let me go home." __________________________________________________________ There was this Asian lady married to an American gentleman and they lived in Honolulu. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs. The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted. The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store... (Please scroll page down.) What were you thinking? Helloooooooooo, her husband speaks English!! __________________________________________________ Fuchsia From Linda __________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ An old maid was held up in a dark alley. She explained she had no money, but the robber insisted that it must be in her bra, or in her panties and started feeling around. "I told you I haven't got any money," the spinster said, "but if you keep doing that, I'll write you a check." ___________________________________________________ Two drunks are sitting at a bar. The first one says, "What's this thing they call a Breathalyzer'?" The second guy says, "It's a bag that can tell how much you drank." The first guy says, "I married one of those things years ago." __________________________________________________ >From Dad. "This one bloomed today. It loves wind, that is why I hung it onto the railing." _____________________________________________________ Dearwebby's Tech Support Pits From: Elsa Re: What is the ~ key for? Dear Webby, Another mystery key is ~ Can you please tell me? Elsa Dear Elsa That key is called the tilde. In English, it can mean about when placed before a number. For example, ~30 means 'about 30'. When placed between two numbers, it means the difference between the two numbers. For example, 12~25 = 13. In Unix and Linux, it is a shortcut to your home directory, no matter how many hundred directories away from it you are. CD ~ will get you home in one step. Have Fun! Dearwebby ________________________________________________ The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his children and immediately started to assemble it with all the neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it. After several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard. The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in a short while had the set completely assembled. It's beyond me," said the father, "how you got it together without even reading instructions." "To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and when you can't read, you've got to think." ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel. One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food & fire area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just watching. Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and they had a great idea! They could sit on top of the boulders and get a better view of their wives working. This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ulti- mately led to television...and later to the remote control. ____________________________________________ A Bonehead Award Has Been Reported By Rock Antonio Murray, 19, St. Louis, Missouri, USA Armed Taco Holdup A Missouri man is locked up following an alleged crime spree that included him pointing a gun at multiple victims while stealing a taco from a Mexican restaurant in St. Louis, records show. Antonio Murray, 19, was charged this week with robbing Lillys Panaderia at gunpoint earlier this month. Witnesses told cops that Murray pointed a gun at bakery employees before swiping a taco. After being collared, Murray reportedly admitted that he walked up to the taco stand with the gun out, asked for a taco, and left without paying, according to a probable cause statement. A female employee told cops that she had been preparing the taco for another customer when Murray approached her and grabbed the food item, declaring it belonged to him while pointing the gun at multiple people. When arrested, Murray--charged with felony robbery--was carrying a BB gun in his waistband which did resemble a real firearm. The taco holdup is just one entry on Murrays pending criminal court docket. The teen faces a pair of misdemeanor property damage counts for allegedly smashing two separate store windows. Of more legal concern is a complaint charging Murray with breaking into a St. Louis home on September 5 and striking two victims, stealing a TV, and tasing a third victim. He allegedly returned to the residence on September 17 and attacked a man before whipping a female victim with a belt. Murray then retrieved a broomstick and inserted it into [the womans] anus. After victims identified Murray via a police photo lineup, he was arrested for robbery, burglary, assault, and sodomy. The defendant was interviewed and admitted to all the crimes, investigators reported in an arrest warrant filed yesterday. A judge has ordered Murray to be held without bond, ruling that the teen is a danger to the crime victim, the community or another person. _____________________________________________________ Brotha Steve writes and tells me this is a true story. Recently I was in a restaurant having breakfast. A woman came in and said she needed to get a "to-go order." She said she was in a hurry because she had to get online and talk . . . "to her AOL friends." (She actually said those very words.) She then ordered eggs, potatoes, and toast. When asked if she wanted bacon, she replied, "No, I don't eat pork. But I would like a double order of sausages, please." __________________________________________________ The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. ..... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them. 1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual cleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence. 4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? ;) 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? 7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die? 9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? 10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? -Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in- laws? (Lev.20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your devoted disciple and adoring fan. _________________________________________________ History On Sept 30, In 1399, Henry Bolingbroke became the King of England as Henry IV. 1777, The Congress of the United States moved to York, PA, due to advancing British forces. 1787, The Columbia left Boston and began the trip that would make it the first American vessel to sail around the world. 1846, Dr. William Morton performed a painless tooth extraction after administering ether to a patient. 1868, Spain's Queen Isabella was deposed and fled to France. 1882, In Appleton, WI, the world's first hydroelectric power plant began operating. 1927, George Herman "Babe" Ruth hit his 60th homerun of the season. He broke his own record with the homerun. The record stood until 1961 when Roger Maris broke the record. 1930, "Death Valley Days" was heard for the first time on the NBC Blue radio network. 1935, "Porgy and Bess" premiered in Boston. 1938, The Munich Conference ended with a decision to appease Adolf Hitler. Britain, and France allowed Czechoslovakia's Sudetenland to be annexed by the Nazis. 1946, An international military tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany, found 22 top Nazi leaders guilty of war crimes. 1947, The World Series was televised for the first time. The sponsors only paid $65,000 for the entire series between the Brooklyn Dodgers and the New York Yankees. 1949, The Berlin Airlift came to an end. The airlift had taken 2.3 million tons of food into the western sector despite the Soviet blockade. 1951, "The Red Skelton Show" debuted on NBC-TV. 1954, The U.S. Navy commissioned the Nautilus submarine at Groton, CT. It was the first atomic-powered vessel. The submarine had been launched on January 21, 1954. 1962, James Meredith succeeded in registering at the University of Mississippi. It was his fourth attempt to register. 1963, The Soviet Union publicly declared itself on the side of India in their dispute with Pakistan over Kashmir. 1966, Albert Speer and Baldur von Schirach were released at midnight from Spandau prison after completing their 20-year sentences. Speer was the Nazi minister of armaments and von Schirach was the founder of Hitler Youth. 1971, The Soviet Union and the United States signed pacts that were aimed at avoiding an accidental nuclear war. 1971, A committee of nine people was organized to investigate the prison riot at Attica, NY. 10 hostages and 32 prisoners were killed when National Guardsmen stormed the prison on September 13, 1971. 1976, California enacted the Natural Death Act of California. The law was the first example of right-to-die legislation in the U.S. 1980, Israel issued its new currency, the shekel, to replace the pound. 1983, The first AH-64 Apache attack helicopter was rolled out by McDonnell Douglas Helicopter Company. 1982, "Cheers" began an 11-year run on NBC-TV. 1986, The U.S. released accused Soviet spy Gennadiy Zakharov, one day after the Nicholas Daniloff had been released by the Soviets. 1987, Mikhail S. Gorbachev retired President Andrei A. Gromyko from the Politburo and fired other old-guard leaders in a shake-up at the Kremlin. 1989, Thousands of East Germans began emigrating under an accord between the NATO nations and the Soviet Union. 1989, Non-Communist Cambodian guerrillas claimed that they had captured 3 towns and 10 other positions from the residing government forces. 1990, The Soviet Union and South Korea opened diplomatic relations. 1991, Haiti's first freely elected president, Jean-Bertrand Aristide, was overthrown by Brigadier General Raoul Cedras. Aristide was later returned to power. 1992, Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers aimed at turning millions of Russians into capitalists. 1993, U.S. chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Colin Powell retired. 1994, The space shuttle Endeavor took off on an 11-day mission. Part of the mission was to use a radar instrument to map remote areas of the Earth. 1997, France's Roman Catholic Church apologized for its silence during the persecution and deportation of Jews during the pro-Nazi Vichy regime. 1998, Gov. Pete Wilson of California signed a bill into law that defined "invasion of privacy as trespassing with the intent to capture audio or video images of a celebrity or crime victim engaging in a personal of family activity." The law went into effect January 1, 1999. 1999, In Tokaimura, Japan, radiation escaped a nuclear facility after workers accidentally set off an uncontrolled nuclear chain reaction. 2014, Amazon filed for a patent for a UAV (unmanned aerial vehicle) configured to autonomously deliver items to customers. The patent was related to Amazon's plan for their Prime Air service. 2023, ! Smiled. Have Fun Dearwebby
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