Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, February 3 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Bank robber forgot his keys, then the stolen money bag ripped   Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, February 3 in 1690 The first paper money in America was issued by the Massachusetts colony. The currency was used to pay soldiers that were fighting in the war against Quebec. If they were killed, no real money was lost. See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ To predict the behavior of ordinary people in advance, you only have to assume that they will always try to escape a disagreeable situation with the smallest possible expenditure of intelligence. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play house?" He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?" The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your thoughts." "Communicate my thoughts?" said a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what that means." The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband." ______________________________________________________ After many years, a young Talmud student who had left the old country for America returns to visit the family. "But...where is your beard?" asks his mother upon seeing him. "Mama," he replies, "In America, nobody wears a beard." "But at least your keep the Sabbath," mama asks. "Mama, business is business. In America, everybody works on the Sabbath." "But only kosher food you still eat?", asks mama. "Mama, in America, it is very difficult to keep kosher." The old lady ponders this information and then leans over and whispers in his ear, "Isaac, tell me, are you still circumcised?" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where chicken little tried to warn the farmer. She read, "...And so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "I think he said - "Holy Cow! A talking chicken!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  David Hamson, 39, Salt Lake City, Utah  Bank robber forgot his keys, then the stolen money bag ripped  Things didn't go exactly as planned for an alleged bank robber in Taylorsville Thursday. Just before 5:30 p.m., a man entered America First Credit Union, 2715 W. 5400 South, claimed to have a gun and demanded money from two tellers, said Unified Police Lt. Brian Lohrke. After the man received an undisclosed amount of cash in a bag, he ran out to his car, which was stolen. But when he got there, he realized he had left the keys on the counter inside the bank, Lohrke said. The man then attempted to run off, but his money bag snagged on something and ripped. Money then started flying out of his bag, Lohrke said. Witnesses saw the man running and directed police officers to where he was last spotted. Police arrested David Hamson, 39, a short time later in a neighborhood just west of the bank. Lohrke said a "good portion" of the money was recovered, but investigators believe some of the money went down a storm drain. Hamson was booked into the Salt Lake County Jail for investigation of aggravated robbery. He is also "a known suspect in bank robberies which have occurred in West Valley City and Salt Lake City," according to a jail report, and has several outstanding warrants. Hamson has an extensive criminal background, according to court and jail documents. "David fled from South Salt Lake Police Department on (Wednesday). David caused a traffic accident while fleeing and was not taken into custody," the report states. He was also booked into jail on Jan. 3 for investigation of having a stolen vehicle, drug distribution, drug possession and theft. In that incident, Hamson was spotted in a stolen vehicle in the parking lot of Wal-Mart, 5469 S. Redwood Road, with a meth pipe and stolen checks taken from another stolen vehicle, according to a jail report. He was charged in 3rd District Court with three felonies for that case on Jan. 9 and a warrant was issued for his arrest. Hamson's extensive criminal history includes multiple cases of theft, robbery, assault and drug-related crimes, according to court records.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Malcolm Re: Too much spam Dear Webby, I can't keep up with my work because of all the spam I get. And no, I can't change the company email addresses. How good is that mailwasher that you keep mentioning? I want your honest opinion of it. Malcolm  Dear Malcolm The reason I have the link for Mailwasher in the full version of the Humor Letter is because I highly recommend it. It reduces the 2000+ pieces of mail I get every day to the 200 that I need to see and answer. It washes the mail on the server, without wasting time to download more than the headers. It's easy to use, and rock solid. I set it to check the mail every 5 minutes. It downloads the headers and sorts and color codes the list. I glance over it to check for false positives, then hit F6. That causes it to dump the spam and open Eudora for downloading the legitimate mail. Unfortunately it does not have a feature for nuking the spammers, but other than that, it has everything a professinal grade spam control program should have. If the version of the Humor Letter that you are subscribed to doesn't have a button to get it, browse to http://webby.com/mailwasher http://webby.com/mailwasher Testdrive the free trial version, and if you like it, buy it a month later. I have recommended MailWasher for about 18 and have heard only good things about it. Have FUN! DearWebby   
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 A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car. She says, "Look, its shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?" He says, "Put it between your legs." She says, "What about the smell?" He says, "Awww, just hold its nose." 
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 From a passenger ship, everyone can see a thin bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is it on that island?" a passenger asks the captain. "I have no idea..... but every year when we pass, he goes nuts...." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Apply For Credit Too Often Don't apply for credit if you think you will be denied. Don't try to apply for credit cards too frequently. Submitting too many credit applications in a short period of time can lower your credit score and make it more difficult to get credit when you really need it.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfast for a bit of skydiving, Late Sunday evening he was found in tree by a farmer. "What happened?" said the farmer. Liam replied, that his parachute failed to open, "Well," said the farmer, "if you had of asked the locals before you jumped, they would have told you nothing opens here on a Sunday."  
 
And these are coming back? Oh I hope not! 
 Robert went to see his doctor. He wasn't feeling well at all. He felt tired, run down, and generally suffering from exhaustion. "My diagnosis is simply that you are worn out," said the doctor. "I believe you've been playing too much golf." "Too much golf," exclaimed Robert. "What can I do?" "You need to take some time off and relax," said the doctor. "My advice to you is to spend some time at the office." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, February 3, in 1488 The Portuguese navigator Bartholomeu Diaz landed at Mossal Bay in the Cape, the first European known to have landed on the southern extremity of Africa. 1690 The first paper money in America was issued by the Massachusetts colony. The currency was used to pay soldiers that were fighting in the war against Quebec. If they were killed, no real money was lost. 1783 Spain recognized the independence of the United States. 1815 The world's first commercial cheese factory was established in Switzerland. 1862 Thomas Edison printed the "Weekly Herald" and distributed it to train passengers traveling between Port Huron and Detroit, MI. It was the first time a newspaper had been printed on a train. 1869 Edwin Booth opened his new theatre in New York City. The first production was "Romeo and Juliet". 1913 The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. It authorized the power to impose and collect income tax. 1916 In Ottawa, Canada's original parliament buildings burned down. 1917 The U.S. broke off diplomatic relations with Germany, which had announced a policy of unrestricted submarine warfare. 1918 The Twin Peaks Tunnel began service. It is the longest streetcar tunnel in the world at 11,920 feet. 1941 In Vichy, France, the Nazis used force to restore Pierre Laval to office. 1945 Russia agreed to enter World War II against Japan when it became obvious, that the US was winning and Tokyo was being bombed daily. 1951 Dick Button won the U.S. figure skating title for the sixth time. 1966 The first rocket-assisted controlled landing on the Moon was made by the Soviet space vehicle Luna IX. 1972 The first Winter Olympics in Asia were held at Sapporo, Japan. 1984 Challenger 4 was launched as the tenth space shuttle mission. 1998 In Italy, a U.S. Military plane hit a cable causing the death of 20 skiers on a lift. 2009 Eric Holder was sworn in as attorney general. He was the first African-American to hold the post. 2010 The Alberto Giacometti sculpture L'Homme qui marche sold for $103.7 million. 2015 The British House of Commons voted to approve letting scientist create babies from the DNA of three people. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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