| Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, June 29 ____________________________________________________ History: today, June 29 in 1967, Israel removed barricades, re-unifying Jerusalem. ___________________________________________ Bonehead Florida Sex Toy Thief Caught ___________________________________________________ Q Some people have so much respect for their superiors they have none left for themselves. --- Peter McArthur ___________________________________________________ A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters of the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent, having had an exceedingly profitable year, seeing the dejected couple looking in the window was inspired to a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop and said, "I bet that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer!" He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and to book a room in a five star hotel. They, as expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way. About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" the travel agent asked eagerly. "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me." "What would that be?" asked the travel agent. "Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?" ____________________________________________________ A priest and pastor from the local churches are standing by the side of the road pounding a sign into the ground that reads: "The End Is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" "Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled a driver as he sped by. >From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. The pastor turns to the priest and asks, "Do you think the sign should maybe just say 'Bridge Out'?" _____________________________________________________ On a country road, a speeder hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a gun in his hand. The speeder said, "Looks as if I killed your dog." "Sure does." "I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?" "I wouldn't say that." "Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be enough?" "Well, I don't know." "Two hundred dollars. That should do it." "Sounds good." The speeder reached into his pocket and came up with the money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting." "I wasn't going hunting. I was heading out to the woods to put that mangy mutt out of his misery." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ >From Elsa When I was a mother's helper, the mom of the family I worked for sat with her three oldest children and watched a PBS special showing the birth of a baby. The mom thought it would be a good starting point for answering questions about the facts of life. As her five-year-old studied the baby coming out of the birth canal, he asked, "Mom, does that hurt?" "Oh, yes, it does," she said, remembering her difficult deliveries. "Gee," he continued in awe, "does it hurt the mother too?" ________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock David Romero, 46, Palm Coast, Florida, USA Florida Sex Toy Thief Caught As police were busting him, a small pink vibrator fell out of the pants of a Florida Man suspected of stealing an assortment of sexual aids from a Target store, according to a court affidavit. Responding to a larceny call Monday afternoon, cops confronted David Romero, 46, as he sat in his Dodge Ram near the Target in Palm Coast, a city about 25 miles north of Daytona Beach. While the handcuffed Romero was being placed in the rear of a police cruiser, a small pink vibrator fell out of his pants. This item was later revealed to have been stolen from Target, cops reported. A subsequent search of Romeros truck turned up an assortment of other stolen goods, including Trojan and SKYN condoms, Hello Cake lubricant, and Promescent, a climax control spray. A Target loss prevention officer told cops that Romero hid the items in a piece of shapewear that he did not scan at the self-checkout line. When asked about the Target merchandise found in his truck, Romero claimed that the items had been in his vehicle for days. Police added that Romero further stated that he was going to use those items today on his wife because he was working all day yesterday and he could not celebrate Fathers Day with her. Romero, who lives eight miles from the Target store, was charged with a misdemeanor for allegedly swiping goods worth $187.23. Seen above, Romero is being held in the Flagler County jail in lieu of $3000 bond. In addition to the Target matter, Romero is facing two other pending theft cases, one of which involves five separate shoplifting incidents at a Walmart in Palm Coast. ___________________________________________________ An old wild west fort is about to be attacked. The wily old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout. "Yumti-Bi," he said, "you must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here." Yumti-Bi laid down and put his ear to the ground... "Heap large -- war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint...many many guns. Medicine man also with them." "Good grief!" exclaims the General, "you can tell all of that just by listening to the ground???" "No, General," replied the Indian, "I can see under the gate." __________________________________________________ Sam Dunne was trying to locate his son, John, whom he hadn't heard from in 7 years. He hired a private detective, Roger, who decided he'd start looking for John in New York City. After pounding the pavement for several days, Roger saw "Dunne & Bradstreet" on a sign outside a skyscraper. "Ahh... DUNNE!!" thought Roger, and walked into the foyer. "Excuse me...you don't work here," said a security guard seated at a desk. "Oh, I'm looking for John," said Roger. "Ah, that's down the hall, third door on the left," said the guard. Roger burst into the men's room just as some poor guy was leaving the toilet stall. "Are you Dunne??" asked Roger. The poor guy gestured towards the toilet and said, "Yes, yes I am." "Well then," said Roger, "You'd better give your father a call!" ___________________________________________________ John Krampl at Waterton Lakes National Park a bit South of here. ___________________________________________________ A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! The man kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that S.O.B. on the phone, I'm lost and need directions." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Linda Re: Too slow connection Dear Webby, My neighbor's daughter claims her Internet connection is too slow for downloading Skype or Zoom for her mother. Is that possible? She is always on FaceBook, and her connection does not stop her from that. Is she lying? Linda Dear Linda, yes, she is. She probably wants to flirt at all her lovers, and not share the machine with her mother. Tell the mother to just use Facebook and hog the machine. She can also use the Speed test at https://www.speedtest.net/ If she gets 4.3 Mbps or more for download speed, then her connection is good enough. Most likely she will get a LOT more than that! Have FUN! DearWebby __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today June 29, in 1236, Ferdinand III of Castile and Leon took Cordoba in Spain. 1652, Massachusetts declared itself an independent commonwealth. 1767, The British Parliament approved the Townshend Revenue Acts. The acts imposed import duties on glass, lead, paint, paper and tea shipped to America. That did not go over well. 1776, The Virginia constitution was adopted and Patrick Henry was made governor. 1804, Privates John Collins and Hugh Hall of the Lewis and Clark Expedition were found guilty by a court-martial consisting of members of the Corps of Discovery for getting drunk on duty. Collins received 100 lashes on his back and Hall received 50. 1860, The first iron-pile lighthouse was completed at Minots Ledge, MA. 1880, France annexed Tahiti. 1888, Professor Frederick Treves performed the first appendectomy in England. 1897, The Chicago Cubs scored 36 runs in a game against Louisville, setting a record for runs scored by a team in a single game. 1903, The British government officially protested Belgian atrocities in the Congo. 1905, Russian troops intervened as riots erupted in ports all over the country. Many ships were looted. 1917, The Ukraine proclaimed independence from Russia. 1925, Marvin Pipkin filed for a patent for the frosted electric light bulb. 1926, Fascists in Rome added an hour to the work day in an economic efficiency measure. 1932, Siams army seized Bangkok and announced an end to the absolute monarchy. 1946, British authorities arrested more than 2,700 Jews in Palestine in an attempt to end alleged terrorism. 1950, U.S. President Harry S. Truman authorized a sea blockade of Korea. 1951, The United States invited the Soviet Union to the Korean peace talks on a ship in Wonson Harbor. 1953, The Federal Highway Act authorized the construction of 42,500 miles of freeway from coast to coast. 1954, The Atomic Energy Commission voted against reinstating Dr. J. Robert Oppenheimer's access to classified information. 1955, The Soviet Union sent tanks to Poznan, Poland, to put down anti-Communist demonstrations. 1956, Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller were married. They were divorced on January 20, 1961. 1966, The U.S. bombed fuel storage facilities near the North Vietnamese cities of Hanoi and Haiphong. 1967, Israel removed barricades, re-unifying Jerusalem. 1972, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the death penalty could constitute "cruel and unusual punishment." The ruling prompted states to revise their capital punishment laws. 1982, Israel invaded Lebanon. 1987, Vincent Van Goghs "Le Pont de Trinquetaille" was bought for $20.4 million at an auction in London, England. 1995, The shuttle Atlantis and the Russian space station Mir docked, forming the largest man-made satellite ever to orbit the Earth. 2007, The first generation Apple iPhone went on sale. 2011, The state of Nevada passed the first law that permitted the operation of autonomous cars on public roads. The law went into effect on March 1, 2012 and did not permit the use of the cars to the general public. Google received the first self- driving vehicle license in the U.S. on May 4, 2012 in Nevada. 2023, Do smiled.
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