Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, January 20 Now the Federal Government, except the Senators, won't get paid for a while. Isn't that back-asswards? Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Suspect charged with attempted murder in Times Square traffic stop that injured cop   Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, January 20 in 1841 The island of Hong Kong was ceded to Great Britain. It returned to Chinese control in July 1997. See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too. --- Richard M. Nixon Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsman-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents." "Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat. "That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents." "Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark. "There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the in a sensitive area." "Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?" "Southern Methodist." "Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys." ____________________________________________________ >From Myrna While working in a clothing store, I noticed that people had no shame about returning items that obviously had been worn. One rainy morning I walked in and found a discolored blazer hanging on the rack with other returns. "People return the most filthy, nasty things," I commented to my supervisor who was standing nearby. Eyebrow raised, she said, "That's my jacket." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   Blue Dart Frog, poisonous. _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams his fist down, and yells, "Give me a Budweiser, or . . . !" Scared, the bartender serves the man his Budweiser. This happens everyday for a week straight, and the bartender turns into a nervous wreck. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him he should stand up for himself. "Easier said than done," the bartender thinks, but he decides to try it anyway. The next day, he asks the barmaid to stand in for him. The hooligan returns, slams his fist down and yells, "Give me a Budweiser, or . . . !" "ORR WHAT?" she roars at him. "A small coke, please." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Arfhy Santos, 20 William Lopez, 24, Bronx, New York City, New York  Suspect charged with attempted murder in Times Square traffic stop that injured cop  Authorities believe 20-year-old Arfhy Santos was driving the vehicle that struck the officer while fleeing the scene, and that 24-year-old William Lopez was the passenger. Both are from the Bronx. Santos is charged with attempted murder, assault and reckless endangerment, while Lopez is charged with reckless endangerment and reckless driving. The suspects were taken into custody Wednesday, just hours after police publicly identified them and released their photos. "We had over 20 tips on this in a very short time," NYPD Chief of Detectives Robert Boyce said. "People were concerned." Lopez is reportedly the owner of the Mercedes and has at least three prior arrest. Santos has eight prior arrests, some of which are sealed because he was a juvenile. They were arrested on 144th Street between Eighth and Ninth avenues in Harlem. Police said they were in an apartment and tried to escape out a window. And this isn't the first time the suspects have pulled off a stunt like this. In 2016, police say Santos did a copycat move, nearly hitting officers and running a dozen red lights in Washington Heights. And just a day before the Times Square incident, police say Lopez fled a traffic stop in the same Mercedes, taking off on the sidewalk and nearly hitting officers and people. Additionally, they say officer discovered Lopez had souped up his car with a device that covered his back license plate during a traffic stop in June. "You hold down your brake and gas pedal and hit the gear as hard as you can," Boyce said. "It slows your brakes and you skid down the street. Idiots do it." The Times Square incident, which was caught on video, happened in the heart of the Crossroads of the World around 11:45 p.m. Saturday. Authorities say the officer approached a vehicle that was driving recklessly near 234 West 42nd Street, but the driver fled the scene after initially stopping. The black four-door sedan fled westbound on 42nd Street, towards Eighth Avenue, clipping the officer. He was taken to Mount Sinai Hospital, where he was treated for minor injuries to his legs and back.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Mark Re: Transfer data from old to new machine Dear Webby, My wife will soon be taking possession of a new PC with Windows10. Can you recommend a product or method to transfer her files & settings from her old PC which is running Windows8. I understand I need to manually install the application software that she needs. Thanks for a great e-zine - it's an awesome start to the day. Regards Mark  Dear Mark You obviously don't read the ads, that I put here for your convenience. Since the 80s LapLink has been THE program for doing that. Once upon a time LapLink sent a bunch of 360 KB 5 1/4" floppies and a blue serial port cable. Later they had a yellow printer port cable for even faster transfers. I still have those! Nowadays it is done wirelessly or via USB cable like between your camera and the computer. It is still done with a program from Laplink, called PC Mover. PC Mover even re-installs all your programs. LapLink is the ONLY mover recommended by Microsoft and by Intel. It even has a total back-up component. Good Deal! Laplink has never malfunctioned for me, and I have used it since the 80's. Have FUN! DearWebby   
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.  A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and in her piercingly loud voice said, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, can we go?" 
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 A man is driving home late one afternoon, and he is driving well above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles per hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures "what the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb. The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says, "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go." The man thought for a moment and said... "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought that *YOU* were the officer and that you were trying to make her go back to me." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cream Cheese Sweetheart Cake  By katrine2706 [164 Posts, 54 Comments] Today I decided to make one with an additional ingredient - cream cheese. I have always loved to make cheesecake but this one is a combination of both cheesecake and my favorite sweetheart snack. Ingredients: cake 1 cup flour 1/2 cup cream cheese 1/2 cup natural brown sugar* 1 Tbsp baking powder 1/4 cup grated cheese (cheddar or another mild cheese) 1 cup milk 1/4 cup soft butter glaze 3 Tbsp powdered sugar 3 Tbsp evaporated milk 1/2 tsp lemon extract Cream Cheese Sweetheart Cake - Ingredients *The sugar shown is natural granulated sugar, often called "raw". You substitute either white or brown sugar. I use natural sugar because it has a mild sweetness compared to white. Steps: Mix flour, sugar and baking powder. Set aside. In another bowl mix soft butter and cream cheese. Whisk until creamy. Gradually add in the milk. Continue stirring to properly incorporate the milk with the creamy mixture. Gradually pour milk mixture over dry ingredients to avoid lumps. Mix well until well combined. Stir in some grated cheese. Line pan with a greased foil. This is necessary to easily pull the cake out of the pan when it's cooked. Pour mixture in the pan. Sprinkle with grated cheese and bake at 180C for 40 minutes. Take it out of the oven and chill. Meanwhile, mix powdered sugar, evaporated milk and lemon extract. Stir until sugar melts completely. Get the cake and pour glaze over it. Sprinkle with the remaining grated cheese. Chill for 30 minutes. Cut into blocks and enjoy. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young student confidently. "Means carrying a child."  
 
This week's People Are Awesome 
 Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered: "I never forget a friend. That was for cleaning the dishes for me all the time!" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, January 20, in 1265 The first English parliament met in Westminster Hall. 1801 John Marshall was appointed chief justice of the United States. 1839 Chile defeated a confederation of Peru and Bolivia in the Battle of Yungay. 1841 The island of Hong Kong was ceded to Great Britain. It returned to Chinese control in July 1997. 1885 The roller coaster was patented by L.A. Thompson. 1886 The Mersey Railway Tunnel was officially opened by the Prince of Wales. 1887 The U.S. Senate approved an agreement to lease Pearl Harbor in Hawaii as a naval base. 1892 The first official basketball game was played by students at the Springfield, MA, YMCA Training School. 1929 The movie "In Old Arizona" was released. The film was the first full-length talking film to be filmed outdoors. 1942 Nazi officials held the Wannsee conference, during which they arrived at their "final solution" that called for exterminating Europe's Jews. 1944 The British RAF dropped 2,300 tons of bombs on Berlin. 1952 In Juarez, Mexico, Patricia McCormick debuted as the first professional woman bullfighter from the United States. 1953 "Studio One" became the first television show to be transmitted from the United States to Canada. 1954 The National Negro Network was formed on this date. Forty radio stations were charter members of the network. 1972 The number of unemployed in Britain exceeded 1 million. 1981 Iran released 52 Americans that had been held hostage for 444 days. The hostages were flown to Algeria and then to a U.S. base in Wiesbaden, West Germany. The release occurred minutes after the U.S. presidency had passed from Jimmy Carter to Ronald Reagan. 1985 The most-watched Super Bowl game in history was seen by an estimated 115.9 million people. The San Francisco 49ers defeated the Miami Dolphins, 38-16. Super Bowl XIX marked the first time that TV commercials sold for a million dollars a minute. 1986 The U.S. observed the first federal holiday in honor of slain civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. 1986 Britain and France announced their plans to build the Channel Tunnel. 1986 New footage of the 1931 "Frankenstein" was found. The footage was originally deleted because it was considered to be too shocking. 1987 Anglican Church envoy Terry Waite was kidnapped in Beirut, Lebanon. He was there attempting to negotiate the release of Western hostages. He was not freed until November 1991. 1994 Shannon Faulkner became the first woman to attend classes at The Citadel in South Carolina. Faulkner joined the cadet corps in August 1995 under court order but soon dropped out. 1996 Yasser Arafat was elected president of the Palestinian Authority and his supporters won two thirds of the 80 seats in the Legislative Council. 1997 Bill Clinton was inaugurated for his second term as president of the United States. 1998 American researchers announced that they had cloned calves that may produce medicinal milk. 1998 In Chile, a judge agreed to hear a lawsuit that accused Chile's former dictator Augusto Pinochet with genocide. 1999 The China News Service announced that the Chinese government was tightening restrictions on internet use. The rules were aimed at 'Internet Bars.' 2000 Greece and Turkey signed five accords aimed to build confidence between the two nations. 2002 Michael Jordan (Washington Wizards) played his first game in Chicago as a visiting player. The Wizards beat the Bulls 77- 69. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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