Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, March 30 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!   Easter  Tomorrow night there will be a Blue Moon. Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Wisconsin woman arrested for injecting children with meth, letting men sexually assault them Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, March 30 in 1867 The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million dollars. See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ Life is a fatal complaint, and an eminently contagious one. --- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809 - 1894) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him." The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand on his son-in-law's arm and said, "No deposit, no return." ______________________________________________________ A pretty young woman visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully. "Miss Jones," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never had an eye examination." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ The doctor has just finished giving the young man a thorough physical examination. "The best thing for you to do," the M.D. said, "is give up drinking and smoking, get to bed early and stay away from women." "Doc, I don't deserve the best," said the patient. "What's third best?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Michelle Mayer, 39, Eau Claire, Wisconsin  Wisconsin woman arrested for injecting children with meth, letting men sexually assault them  A Wisconsin mother allegedly let men abuse two young children for years in exchange for drugs and money, according to WEAU. Michelle Mayer, 39, of Eau Claire, has been charged with two counts of repeated sexual assault of a child, party to a crime. The abuse apparently started years ago when Mayer allowed different men into her mother's house, according to WTMJ. The men allegedly gave Mayer meth, cocaine and money, and, in return, she allowed them to sexually and physically assault two children she was trafficking, ages 6 and 9, according to a criminal complaint. Mayer would also allow the men to photograph the children naked and would inject them with meth to keep them awake, a confidential informant told police. The same informant estimated that the abuse happened every other day for up to nine years, WTMJ reports. If the children refused to cooperate, Mayer would beat them, including at least one instance when she struck one of them with a baseball bat, according to the informant. Mayer faces up to 80 years in prison, according to WQOW, and police are now investigating the men who allegedly assaulted the children.   Tech Support Pits From: Erin Re: Tripod substitute  Dear Webby, What can I use as a substitute for a tripod? I really don't want to lug a tripod around. All it does is promote stupid questions. "Oh, you take pictures?" No, I bash idjits. Thanks Erin  Dear Erin There is another type of camera rest that I have used quite a bit and that you can quickly make as a gift. It's called a Sand Pillow. Find an old, scuffed leather purse or even smaller. Fill it with dry sand or uncooked rice or corn meal. Avoid shiny patent leather. Save the Nauga! They are almost extinct! Ideal is limp old suede. A short length of sleeve from an old motorcycle jacket works quite nicely too. Sew or glue it shut after filling it. A sand pillow like that works beautifully on a car roof, rocks, wood, window sill, headboard, anything. You can nestle the camera into the pillow and it will hold it steady enough for even the longest zoom shots. Any serious photographer will definhitely appreciate a sand pillow as a gift and keep it around a lot longer than the current camera. DearWebby    A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!" "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!" The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?" "I just saw both of your garters!" Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!" Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom. "Where do you think you're going?" she asks. "From what I just saw, my school days are over!" 
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 Two friends were driving to the store and on the way, they came upon an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red, but the driver went right through the red light. The passenger screamed at the driver, "What are you doing? You're going to get us killed!" The drive said, "Don't worry, my mother always drives like this." Later on, they came to another stoplight which was red. The driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and said, "I thought I told you, you're gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!" The driver said, "All right! I get it, but I told you my mother drives like this all the time." They came to another intersection, but this time the light was green. The driver slammed on his brakes and stopped the car completely. The passenger yelled, "What are you doing now? This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?" The driver said, "My mother might be coming the other way." 
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 >from Charles "My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.'" ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Liquor Store Boxes Visit your local liquor store and see if they have any boxes to spare. They almost always do. Pick out some boxes with cardboard dividers which are used for shipping bottles. These boxes are great for storing and protecting breakable ornaments. Save your tissue paper and wrapping paper from presents to wrap your ornaments before putting them in the box.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  Thanks to Louise for this story: ONE DAY a young man came up to my window at the bank and whispered, "Please deposit this hundred dollars in my savings account." I handled the transaction and whispered back, "Have a good day." He started to leave but changed his mind. "I'm sorry we have to whisper," he said, "but if my car knows I've deposited money, it'll break down again." With his finger to his lips he tip-toed out.  
Death Valley wild flowers. 
 ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sue for this story: The Students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand? Did they get both ears with one shot?" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, March 30 in 1533 Henry VIII divorced his first wife, Catherine of Aragon. 1814 The European nations allied against Napoleon marched into Paris. 1822 Florida became a U.S. territory. 1842 Dr. Crawford W. Long performed the first operation while his patient was anesthetized by ether. 1855 About 5,000 "Border Ruffians" from western Missouri invaded the territory of Kansas and forced the election of a pro-slavery legislature. It was the first election in Kansas. 1856 A peace treaty was signed between England and Russia. (Treaty of Paris) 1858 Hyman L. Lipman of Philadelphia patented the pencil. 1867 The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million dollars. 1870 The 15th amendment, guaranteeing the right to vote regardless of race, was passed by the U.S. Congress. 1870 Texas was readmitted to the Union. 1903 Revolutionary activity in the Dominican Republic brought U.S. troops to Santo Domingo to protect American interests. 1905 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt was chosen to mediate in the Russo-Japanese peace talks. 1909 The Queensboro bridge in New York opened linking Manhattan and Queens. It was the first double decker bridge. 1909 In Oklahoma, Seminole Indians revolted against meager pay for government jobs. 1916 Pancho Villa killed 172 at the Guerrero garrison in Mexico. 1936 Britain announced a naval construction program of 38 warships. 1939 The comic book "Detective Comics #27" appeared on newstands. This comic introduced Batman. 1940 The Japanese set up a puppet government called Manchuko in Nanking, China. 1941 The German Afrika Korps under General Erwin Rommel began its first offensive against British forces in Libya. 1944 The U.S. fleet attacked Palau, near the Philippines. 1945 The U.S.S.R. invaded Austria after World War II. 1946 The Allies seized 1,000 Nazis attempting to revive the Nazi party in Frankfurt. 1947 Lord Mountbatten arrived in India as the new Viceroy. 1950 The invention of the phototransistor was announced. 1950 U.S. President Truman denounced Senator Joe McCarthy as a saboteur of U.S. foreign policy. 1957 Tunisia and Morocco signed a friendship treaty in Rabat. 1972 The British government assumed direct rule over Northern Ireland. 1972 The Eastertide Offensive began when North Vietnamese troops crossed into the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) in the northern portion of South Vietnam. 1975 As the North Vietnamese forces moved toward Saigon South Vietnamese soldiers mob rescue jets in desperation. 1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was shot and wounded in Washington, DC, by John W. Hinckley Jr. Two police officers and Press Secretary James Brady were also wounded. 1982 The space shuttle Columbia completed its third and its longest test flight after 8 days in space. 1984 The U.S. ended its participation in the multinational peace force in Lebanon. 1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Sunflowers" was bought for $39.85 million. 1993 In Sarajevo, two Serb militiamen were sentenced to death for war crimes committed in Bosnia. 1993 In the Peanuts comic strip, Charlie Brown hit his first home run. 1994 Serbs and Croats signed a cease-fire to end their war in Croatia while Bosnian Muslims and Serbs continued to fight each other. 1998 Rolls-Royce was purchased by BMW in a $570 million deal. 2002 An unmanned U.S. spy plane crashed at sea in the Southern Philippines. 2002 Suspected Islamic militants set off several grenades at a temple in Indian-controlled Kashmir. Four civilians, four policemen and two attackers were killed and 20 people were injured. 2009 The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey confirmed that the new World Trade Center building would be officially known by its legal name of "One World Trade Center." 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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