Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, August 29 Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award: A Kansas City woman arrested for letting men rape her 2-year-old daughter. ______________________________________________________ Today, August 29 in 1886 In New York City, Chinese Ambassador Li Hung-chang's chef invented chop suey. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Never judge a book by its movie. --- J. W. Eagan ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The gynecologist complimented the young woman on his examination table. "Go home and tell your husband to prepare for a baby." "But I don't have a husband," the girl replied. "Then, go home and tell your lover." "But I don't have a lover. I've never had a lover!" "In that case," the doctor sighed, "go home and tell your mother to prepare for the second coming of Christ." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A programmer, an accountant and a lawyer are all standing around at a party discussing if it's better to have a wife or a girlfriend. The accountant says, "A girlfriend! No commitments, no hassles. When you get tired, you just move on." The lawyer says, "One needs a wife. That way you have a representative; an extension of yourself at important gatherings with influential people". The programmer says, "You're both wrong. You need a wife AND a girlfriend. That way the wife thinks you're with the girlfriend; the girlfriend thinks you're with the wife and all the while you're at the office creating programs!" ______________________________________________________ Phoning and eating while driving _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ During a baseball game, a woman kept shouting threats at the umpire. No matter what happened on the field, she continuously yelled, "Kill the umpire!" This went on for an hour. Finally, another fan called out, "Lady, the umpire hasn't done anything wrong!" "Hey," she yelled back, "How would you know? That's my husband, not yours!" ------------------- out of Atlanta comes this comment: Americans should be ashamed ! We've eaten so many billions of Buffalo wings, that many kids today...have never seen a buffalo fly. ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Azzie Watson, 25 Independe3nce, Missoury A Kansas City woman arrested for letting men rape her 2-yr-old daughter. A Kansas City woman has been charged with letting men rape her 2-year-old daughter. Twenty-five-year-old Azzie Watson, of Independence, was charged Tuesday with child abuse and endangerment. Bond is set at $75,000. No attorney is listed for her in online court records. WDAF-TV reports that court documents say Watson's boyfriend recorded Watson talking about repeatedly taking her daughter to a house where her daughter was raped about five times. She says on the recording that she watched. Police were given the recording last month while responding to a rape report at a hospital. Court documents say Watson told detectives that what she said in the recording was a lie because she was scared of her boyfriend. Watson also claimed she didn't know how her daughter contracted a sexually transmitted disease. From Crystal Re: Underlined shortcut letters Dear Webby, I have used the underlined letters in menus as short-cut keys for ages. Now my cute but rather klutzy hubby did a whole lot of changes and somehow disabled them. He does not remember which of the dozens of changes he made could have caused that. We use W7. Help! Crystal Dear Crystal Open Control Panel / Ease of Access Center / Make the Keyboard easier to use. This option is at the bottom of the window. Underline keyboard shortcuts and access keys. Checkmark that and OK out of there. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A friend mentioned tying her dog to a table leg and the dog dragging the table. That reminded me of a similar experience: I will always remember one eveing in 75, when I chained two of my sled dogs, pure-bred mutts, to the welded on eye bolts on opposite ends of the step bumper on my Ford Pick- up, while I went into the McRae truck stop on the Alaska Highway to eat. When they spotted a blackbear sauntering across the parking lot, they both took off after it like bullets. The 3/8" tow chain I had used, was stronger than the "slighlty" rusty bumper bolts, and with the bumper clattering along behind them, they went after the bear. The poor bear had probably never been that scared before in it's life, and remembered how he used to climb trees as a pup. He went up a telphone pole faster than a lineman three minutes before quitting time. I have been VERY choosy about what I tie dogs to ever since. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room said, "Yeah, right." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Repairing Holes in Wood Use a mixture of wood glue and sawdust to fill holes in wood furniture or molding. If you can use sawdust from the same wood, or something similar, the repair will be less noticeable when you stain it. Be very careful in your selection of glue! Most modern carpenter's glues will shed stain lilke butter sheds water. Use the finest sanding dust that you can get by sanding the back of the same wood, and make glue with regular, unbleached flour and water. Pour or smear some of it into the hole, then mix the rest with the sanding dust and tamp the mixture into the hole. Tamp it very hard and a bit higher than the surrounding wood, and let it dry overnight or longer. After sanding it, it will blend in nicely, and take a stain just like real wood. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Five unusual circular buildings. |
___________________________________________________ There was this man who, many years ago, worked for a large business. That was his lifetime employment, but he wasn't happy there. He wanted to go in business for himself. He saved his money and finally had enough that he could quit and start his own business. About two years later, I was on vacation and was going through the town where his business was located. I stopped by for a visit. "Hey John, I heard that the first year is the hardest for a new business." "Yeah, the first year was pretty rough, but we are doing pretty good now. In fact, I'm getting to where I only have to work half a day." "Wow, that's pretty nice. Maybe I should think about going into business for myself." "Yeah, and the nicest part of it is that it doesn't matter which twelve hours you work." ---------- I am not that far yet, but 18 hours is better than 20 hours! ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
>From Erin: As I was dropping off my son at his daycare the other day, I overheard some of the other children talking about their siblings. "My brother takes karate lessons," bragged one little boy. "My sister takes gymnastics," said another. Not to be outdone, the littlest child in the group piped up. "My sister takes antibiotics!" ____________________________________________________ | Today, August 29 in 1828 A patent was issued to Robert Turner for the self- regulating wagon brake. 1833 The "Factory Act" was passed in England to settle child labor laws. 1842 The Treaty of Nanking was signed by the British and the Chinese. The treaty ended the first Opium War and gave the island of Hong Kong to Britain. 1885 The first prizefight under the Marquis of Queensberry Rules was held in Cincinnati, OH. John L. Sullivan defeated Dominick McCaffery in six rounds. 1886 In New York City, Chinese Ambassador Li Hung-chang's chef invented chop suey. 1892 Pop (Billy) Shriver (Chicago Cubs) caught a ball that was dropped from the top of the Washington Monument in Washington, DC. 1944 During the continuing celebration of the liberation of France from the Nazis, 15,000 American troops marched down the Champs Elysees in Paris. 1945 U.S. General Douglas MacArthur left for Japan to officially accept the surrender of the Japanese. 1949 At the University of Illinois, a nuclear device was used for the first time to treat cancer patients. 1957 Senator Strom Thurmond of South Carolina set a filibuster record in the U.S. when he spoke for 24 hours and 18 minutes. 1962 The lower level of the George Washington Bridge opened. 1965 Gemini 5, carrying astronauts Gordon Cooper and Charles ("Pete") Conrad, splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean after eight days in space. 1983 Two U.S. marines were killed in Lebanon by the militia group Amal when they fired mortar shells at the Beirut airport. 1983 The anchor of the USS Monitor, from the U.S. Civil War, was retrieved by divers. 1991 The Communist Party in the Soviet Union had its bank accounts frozen and activities were suspended because of the Party's role in the failed coup attempt against Mikhail Gorbachev. 1991 The republics of Russia and Ukraine signed an agreement to stay in the Soviet Union. 1992 The U.N. Security Council agreed to send troops to Somalia to guard the shipments of food. 1994 Mario Lemieux announced that he would be taking a medical leave of absence due to fatigue, an aftereffect of his 1993 radiation treatments. He would sit out the National Hockey Leagues (NHL) 1994-95 season. 2004 India test-launched a nuclear-capable missle able to carry a one-ton warhead. The weapon had a range of 1,560 miles. 2018 Do smiled. |
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