Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, May 12 Back in the saddle again! Thank you, Evelyn! _____________________________________________________  Happy Mothers Day! _____________________________________________________ Today, May 12 in 1940 The Nazi conquest of France began with the German army crossing Muese River. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: DUI suspect accused of spitting on officers is a California school teacher.  ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Things are more like they are now than they have ever been. --- Gerald R. Ford (1913 - 2006) Today's scientists have substituted mathematics for experiments, and they wander off through equation after equation, and eventually build a structure which has no relation to reality. --- Nikola Tesla (1857 - 1943) _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Help wanted ad in the Orlando, Florida SENTINEL: Shed delivery person - must be smarter than a large box. ______________________________________________________`   Have you got bacon in there? _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  John Chandler, 54, Elk Grove, California  DUI suspect accused of spitting on officers is a California school teacher.  
 Northern California man suspected of driving under the influence spat at police officers when he was being taken into custody Monday evening, according to the Elk Grove Police Department. Investigators say they found 54-year-old John Chandler off Elk Grove Boulevard near Black Swan Drive behind the wheel with the engine running. Chandler showed signs of impairment, police said. As officers took Chandler into custody, officials say he resisted and even tried to spit on officers. Chandler's booking photo shows him bloodied and wide-eyed with his tongue sticking out. KTXL later learned Chandler is a teacher at Martin Luther King, Jr. K-8 School in Sacramento's Pocket neighborhood. Sacramento City Unified School District spokesman Alex Barrios confirmed Chandler's employment at the school: Personnel matters are confidential. We are not at liberty to discuss them publicly. However, the district is treating this situation with the seriousness it deserves. We are listening and sympathetic to the concerns of parents and are working to address those concerns. Chandler was booked into the Sacramento County Main Jail   From: Marnie Re: Upside down monitor  Dear Webby My daughter and her girlfriend were goofing around on my computer and now the display is upside down. Of course they claim "they didn't do anything", and claim they have no idea why it happened. I use two monitors, and both are affected. Help! Please! Marnie  Dear Marnie That is an ancient office prank. As you walk by your boss's desk, hold down CTRL ALT and hit the right arrow key. To restore correct orientation, play with CTRL ALT and the arrow keys. Give it 30 seconds between attempts. It takes Windows a while to recalculate all the pixel positions. It usually takes a few tries to get it right agin. Remember that trick for when she gets her own machine in a few years! Have FUN! DearWebby  
  Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 A woman told a marriage counselor that her husband's complaint that he leads a dog's life is probably well founded. "He comes in the house with muddy feet," she said, "tracks across my clean floors, barks at nothing, growls at his food and makes himself comfortable on my best furniture." 
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 An aspiring young actor asked a young lady's father if he could have his daughter's hand in marriage. The father said, "I would never let my daughter marry an actor." The actor said, "Sir, I think you may change your mind if you see me perform. Won't you at least come and see the play?" So the father went to see the play, and the next day he called the actor, "You were right. I did change my mind. Go ahead and marry my daughter. You're no actor. Don't give up your day job just yet!" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Keep Pen Ink From Leaking in Your Purse One easy way to prevent pen ink from leaking in your purse or briefcase is to store your pens in a plastic travel toothbrush holder. Even pens with caps can sometimes break and leak. thriftyfun.Com   ____________________________________________________   
  
These delivery drivers had one job. 
 ___________________________________________________ I was on a panel for prospective jury duty. The first lawyer questioning us began right off as an intimidating showman. When he came to his question, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?" Before the pause became too long, the judge announced, "I do." ___________________________________________________ I played for a semi-pro baseball team. At every game we sold raffle tickets. Half the money paid the team's expenses and the other half went to the winning ticket holder. One day they held the drawing just as I was stepping up to bat. The home plate umpire pulled the winning ticket, and then turned to me. "Could you read me the number?" he asked. "My vision's not too good." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Three aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said the student. "And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. "Elation," she said. "And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "How about the opposite of woe?" The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy up." ___________________________________________________  
 Today May 12 in 1588 King Henry III fled Paris after Henry of Guise triumphantly entered the city. 1780 Charleston, South Carolina fell to British forces. 1847 William Clayton invented the odometer. 1870 Manitoba entered the Confederation as a Canadian province. 1881 Tunisia, in North Africa became a French protectorate. 1885 In the Battle of Batoche, French Canadians rebelled against the Canadian government. 1888 Charles Sherrill of the Yale track team became the first runner to use the crouching start for a fast break in a foot race. 1926 The airship Norge became the first vessel to fly over the North Pole. 1926 In Britain, a general strike by trade unions ended. The strike began on May 3, 1926. 1937 Britain's King George VI was crowned at Westminster Abbey. 1940 The Nazi conquest of France began with the German army crossing Muese River. 1942 The Soviet Army launched its first major offensive of World War II and took Kharkov in the eastern Ukraine from the German army. 1943 The Axis forces in North Africa surrendered during World War II. 1949 The Soviet Union announced an end to the Berlin Blockade. 1950 The American Bowling Congress abolished its white males- only membership restriction after 34 years. 1957 A.J. Foyt won his first auto racing victory in Kansas City, MO. 1965 West Germany and Israel exchanged letters establishing diplomatic relations. 1975 U.S. merchant ship Mayaguez was seized by Cambodian forces in international waters. 1978 The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration announced that they would no longer exclusively name hurricanes after women. 1982 South Africa unveiled a plan that would give voting rights to citizens of Asian and mixed-race descent, but not to blacks. 1984 South African prisoner Nelson Mandela saw his wife for the first time in 22 years. 2002 Former U.S. President Carter arrived in Cuba for a visit with Fidel Castro. It was the first time a U.S. head of state, in or out of office, had gone to the island since Castro's 1959 revolution. 2003 In Texas, fifty-nine Democratic lawmakers went into hiding over a dispute with Republican's over a congressional redistricting plan. 2015 It was announced that Verizon would be acquiring AOL, primarily to take care of customer support. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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