Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, October 15  ___________________________________________________ History on this day, October 14, in 1860, Grace Bedell, 11 years old, wrote a letter to presidential candidate Abraham Lincoln. The letter stated that Lincoln would look better if he would grow a beard. ____________________________________________________ international bonehead award  2 Fathers Shoot Each Other's Daughters Amidst Road Rage Gunfight - 'Shot Everything That Was in the Magazine  ____________________________________________________ The phrase "action speaks louder than words," is most easily proven by a swift kick to the genitals. --- Devin J. Monroe (1983 - ) Good taste is the enemy of comedy. --- Mel Brooks (1926 - ) The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything. --- Socratex ___________________________________________________ Bob prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party he was giving. In his haste, however, he forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. He was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. He called the local Poison Control Center and voiced his concern. They advised Bob to boil the sauce again. That night, the phone rang during dinner, and a guest volunteered to answer it. "Hey, Bob! It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out and if anybody croaked." ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Julie for this one: The AMA and NZMA have declared that the long term implications of drugs or medical procedures must be more fully considered. Over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's Disease research. It is now projected that by the year 2025 there will be fifty million Americans wandering around with huge breasts and erections but who can't remember what to do with them. __________________________________________________  Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by  William Hale, 35, of Douglas, Georgia, Frank Allison, 43, of Callahan, Florida, usa  2 Fathers Shoot Each Other's Daughters Amidst Road Rage Gunfight - 'Shot Everything That Was in the Magazine  A road rage incident in Florida left two men facing multiple charges after each of them wounded the daughter of the other in a high-speed shootout. Two children were shot by one another's fathers during a road rage incident on a Florida highway, according to authorities. Nassau County Sheriff Bill Leeper said a 5-year-old girl was shot in the leg and a 14-year-old girl was shot in the back. He said their injuries were not life-threatening. William Hale, 35, of Douglas, Georgia, and Frank Allison, 43, of Callahan, Florida, have been charged with attempted murder. Police said the shootings happened Saturday on U.S. Route 1 near Jacksonville around 6 p.m. EDT. Deputies said the two men shot at each other from each of their vehicles. Allison allegedly pulled a gun and fired one shot, which went through the door of Hale's car and hit Hales 5-year- old daughter in the leg, according to the sheriff. Hale then reportedly pulled out a gun and fired several shots, hitting Allison's car three times. One of the bullets hit the 14-year-old, who was in the backseat. Both men then stopped driving and began arguing, according to police. A deputy broke up the fight, called fire rescue, and the men were charged. _____________________________________________________ A sweet young Miss thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him when was the last time he had had sex. "1956," came his immediate reply. "No wonder you look so uptight!" she exclaimed. "Honey, you need to get out more." "I'm not sure I understand what you mean," he answered, glancing at his watch. "It's only 2014 now." _____________________________________________________   _________________________________________________ Computer Bumper Snickers Don't make me use uppercase. Get A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those? ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________   _________________________________________________ The Sunday school lesson for the day was about Noah's Ark, so the teacher decided to get her small pupils involved by playing a game in which they identified animals. "I'm going to describe something to you. Let's see if you can guess what it is. First: I'm furry with a bushy tail and I like to climb trees." The children looked at her blankly. "I also like to eat nuts, especially acorns." No response. This wasn't going well at all! Finally a kid volunteered: "Well, I know the answer has to be Jesus -- but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!" _________________________________________________  Dearwebby's tech support pits From:Fiona Re: USB drives Dear Webby How do those USB drives work? Does it increase the cable salad? Fiona  Dear Fiona USB hard drives plug into any USB port on any PC. Whenever you plug in the USB drive, it simply shows up as another harddrive. On older machines, that external USB drive will be the fastest drive. Yes, it will increase the cable salad. You can put the drive close to the computer and fold up the cable and tame it with some tape or rubber band. Have Fun! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive mink fur coat. "This year," she says, "I think that I will buy my present instead of making you and dad shop for me." The daughter protests, "But mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this." Don't worry honey," says the mother, "your father won't get the bill till a month after Thanksgiving Day." ___________________________________________________ A couple had a fatal car accident on their way to get married. The couple found themselves sitting outside Heaven's Gate waiting on St. Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wondered if they could possibly get married in Heaven. Saint Peter showed up and they asked him. Peter said, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out." and he left. The couple sat and waited for an answer ... for two months ... and they began to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together forever?" Peter returned after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," said the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "GET REAL !" St Peter shouted, "it took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it would take me to find two lawyers and a judge?" _____________________________________________________ ophelia dingbatter's news no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________  today, october 15, in 1815, Napoleon Bonaparte began his exile on the remote island of St. Helena in the Atlantic Ocean. 1860, Grace Bedell, 11 years old, wrote a letter to presidential candidate Abraham Lincoln. The letter stated that Lincoln would look better if he would grow a beard. 1883, The U.S. Supreme Court struck down part of the Civil Rights Act of 1875. It allowed for individuals and corporations to discriminate based on race. 1892, The U.S. government announced that the land in the western Montana was open to settlers. The 1.8 million acres were bought from the Crow Indians for 50 cents per acre. 1914, The Clayton Antitrust Act was passed by the U.S. Congress. 1931, "Cat and the Fiddle" opened in New York for the first of 395 performances. 1937, "To Have and Have Not" by Ernest Hemingway was published for the first time. 1945, Pierre Laval, the former premier of Vichy France, was executed for treason. 1946, Hermann Goering, a Nazi war criminal and founder of the Gestapo, poisoned himself just hours before his scheduled execution. 1953, "Teahouse of the August Moon" opened on Broadway. It ran for 1,027 performances. 1964, It was announced that Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev had been removed from power. He was replaced with Alexei N. Kosygin. 1983, U.S. Marines killed five snipers who had pinned them down in Beirut International Airport. 1984, The Freedom of Information Act was passed. 1989, South African officials released eight prominent political prisoners. 1989, Wayne Gretzky, while playing for the Los Angeles Kings, surpassed Gordie Howe's NHL scoring record of 1,850 career points. 1993, U.S. President Clinton sent warships to enforce trade sanctions that had been imposed on Haitian military rulers. 1993, South Africa's President F.W. de Klerk and African National Congress President Nelson Mandela were named winners of the Nobel Peace Prize for their efforts to end the apartheid system in South Africa. 1997, British Royal Air Force pilot Andy Green broke the land-speed record by driving a jet-powered car faster than the speed of sound. 1997, The Cassini-Huygens mission was launched from Cape Canaveral, FL. On January 14, 2005, a probe sent back pictures of Saturn's moon Titan during and after landing. 1998, The U.N. condemned the U.S. economic embargo on Cuba for the seventh year in a row. 2001, NASA's Galileo spacecraft passed within 112 miles of Jupiter's moon Io. 2011, Legoland Florida opened in Winter Haven, Florida. 2022 Do! smiled.