Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, October 17 Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: 911 operator charged for hanging up on callers Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, October 17, in  1777 American troops defeated British forces in Saratoga, NY. It was the turning point in the American Revolutionary War. See More of what happened on this day in history. 
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 ______________________________________________________ As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it. --- Dick Cavett (1936 - ) A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) You wouldn't care what people thought of you if you realized how seldom they do. --- Plato ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Gayle for these questions and answers about Mad Cow disease Q. If I drink milk from an infected cow, will it harm me? A. Of course not. I drink 5 glasses of milk a day and it doesnt bither me a bot. I am the same today as I was tomorrow. Q. So how can I tell if I am infected from this meat? A. They say memory is affected. What was your question? Q. What can you do with infected cattle? Killing them seems so inhumane. A. Well I have 6 in my backyard and they think they are a flock of geese. However, I don't allow them to fly over the house. Q. How can you detect Mad cow disease in a bull? A. He would be the one wearing high heels ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99  ______________________________________________________ This is a classic, that just came around again: New Medications for Women Only D A M N I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. ST. M O M M A'S W O R T Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days. E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out. P E P T O B I M B O Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence and prevents conception. D U M B E R O L When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks. F L I P I T O R Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. M E N I C I L L I N Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... Can we get naked now?" B U Y A G R A Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration and credit limit of spending spree. J A C K A S S P I R I N Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number. A N T I - T A L K S I D E N T A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their lifestories with total strangers in elevators. N A G A M E N T When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself. ______________________________________________________   >From FB ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Crenshanda Williams, 43, Houston, Texas  911 operator charged for hanging up on callers  A 911 operator is accused of intentionally hanging up on callers during emergencies simply because she was not in the mood to help, according to Houston police. Crenshanda Williams has been charged with interference with an emergency telephone call, according to KIAH. Williams had been employed as a telecommunicator with the Houston Emergency Center since July 2014, and supervisors began to notice that her logs revealed an abnormally high amount of short calls, with a duration of less than 20 seconds. Supervisors investigated the recorded call logs, and found that thousands of calls had been disconnected by Williams between Oct. 2015 and March 2016. At least one of the calls was for a robbery and homicide, and two were regarding speeding vehicles, police said. Williams raised suspicion on March 12, specifically, when she allegedly hung up on several callers the first call was ended immediately after she picked it up. During the second call, an operator identified as Williams is heard answering Houston 911, do you need medical, police or fire? When the male caller responded, This is a robbery, Williams is heard sighing before hanging up, according to court documents. Investigators tracked down the robbery/shooting caller, who confirmed someone hung up the phone the first time he called in, frustrating him, and he had to call back a second time. By the time police arrived, a person was dead. Investigators said that the following day, Williams hung up on several more people, including a security officer who was attempting to report a dangerous street racing incident. The operator, again identified as Williams, said Houston 911, do you need medical, police or fire? The caller only had time to say This is officer Molten. Im driving on 45 South right now and I am at before Williams ended the call. Although the call was disconnected, the recording captured Williams saying, Aint nobody got time for this. For Real. The officer called in again, and a different 911 operator picked up and assisted him. Investigators reached out to the officer, who also confirmed the hang up call on that day, records show. Police say Williams admitted to disconnecting the calls because she did not want to talk to anyone at that time. Investigators said Williams actions prevented and interfered with the callers ability to request assistance during an emergency and charges were filed against her. Williams bond was set at $1,000. B L & M  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits >From Ada Re: Use data from other sheet on Excel work book Dear Webby, YES! Please tell us how to show data from sheet 2,3 4, etc on the top roundup sheet! Microsoft sure doesn't! Ada  Dear Ada It is not really difficult at all, just a bit weird. In the late 80's Lotus sued Borland about allegedly copying their "Look and Feel", and later, when the big war between Microsoft and Borland started with almost monthly updates of even newer features, Microsoft used some rather weird ways to get the same thing done without doing it the same way. Linking in data from other sheets in a stack of woork sheets is easiest explained on an aexample. Make a stack of 3 or more worksheets and rename them by right clicking their tab and selecting RENAME to Jan, Feb, Mar, etc. Now imagine each sheet has your expenses and incomes, with a total on cell D 33 Go to cell D 33 on the MARch sheet, and enter a number. Hit Enter go back to that cell ALT I, N ENTER Type in a name, for example MARtotal ENTER Now that cell, where you have the totals for March, is named. Jump to the cover sheet, or JAN, or whatever you have named it, go to the spot where you need the March totals, type CTRL K Don't worry, it will get Microsofter yet! CTRL K lets you select a NAMED cell. That puts a rather useless link to that and it's name into the cell. Now, with the cursor on that cell, go up to the formula bar, and put an equal ign in front of the name, and *1 after it. That turns the name into a number, that you can use as a number to be summed together with others. Sometimes, it works even without the *1, however I continue using it. If the source number has a space in front or behind it due to sloppy copying, the *1 will produce an error message right there. That can save a lot of time troubleshooting at year end. Even though it is a weird way of going about it, it is well worth printing out this part or saving it. Sooner or later you will want to be able to use data, that is on different sheets. Have FUN! DearWebby    I was at the drugstore and noticed a young male cashier staring at the pretty girl in front of me. Her total came to $16.42, and after handing over a $100 bill, she waited for change. "Here you go," said the cashier, smiling as he returned the proper amount. "Have a great day!" Now I placed my items on the counter. The tally was $62.79, and I too gave the cashier a $100 bill. "I'm sorry, Sir. We can't accept anything larger than a fifty," he told me, pointing to a sign stating store policy. "But you just accepted that last girl's hundred," I reasoned. "I had to," he said. "It had her phone number on it. Luckily the next check-out lane had a lady working there and after I wrote my phone number on it, she accepted the hundred dollar bill. 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Skunk Smell from House  By Busy Family [1 Comment] My Morkie just got sprayed by a skunk because he would not leave the skunk alone. Thankfully when my Rottie was sprayed a few years back I found the solution of 1/2 quart hydrogen peroxide, 1/4 cup of baking soda, and 2 tablespoons liquid Dawn soap in an open container. Works wonders.  
 Ophelia Dingbatter's News
 No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Here is a nice old classic to start the day: A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously and lived to the age of 110. He left behind 4 children, 20 grandchildren, 30 great- grandchildren, 10 great-great grandchildren - and a fifty foot crater where the crematorium used to be. 
  
Motor Mania 
 ____________________________________________________ A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul, the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord, my good man?" Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work, the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans." "You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you a Christian?" With the same amount of interest as his previous answer, the farmer said, "Nope my name is Jones. You must be lookin' for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here." The young, determined preacher tried again, asking the farmer, "Are you lost?" "Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer. "Are you prepared for Armageddon?" the frustrated preacher asked. This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When's it gonna be?" Thinking he had accomplished something, the young preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow or the next day." Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get out much, and she'll wanna go all three days." ____________________________________________________ A fellow whos just reached his 150th birthday was giving a press conference to the assembled media. "Excuse me, sir," one of the reporters said, "but how did you come to live to 150? "Its actually quite simple," the old feller replied. "I just never argue." "Thats impossible," the reporter responded. "There must be something else, like diet, or meditation, or something. Just not arguing wont keep you alive for 150 years! The old fellow stared hard at the reporter for several seconds. "Hmmm," he finally shrugged, "maybe youre right." ____________________________________________________  
  
 
Scary vintage Halloween costumes from the past. 
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 Today on October 17 in 1739 Thomas Coram was granted a Royal Charter from George II so a "hospital for the maintenance and education of exposed and deserted young children" in London, England. 1777 American troops defeated British forces in Saratoga, NY. It was the turning point in the American Revolutionary War. 1888 The first issue of "National Geographic Magazine" was released at newsstands. 1931 Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and was sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released in 1939. 1933 Dr. Albert Einstein moved to Princeton, NJ, after leaving Germany. 1945 Colonel Juan Peron became the dictator of Argentina after staging a coup in Buenos Aires. 1973 The Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) began an oil-embargo against several countries including the U.S. and Great Britain. The incident stemmed from Western support of Israel when Egypt and Syria attacked Israel on October 6, 1973. The embargo lasted until March of 1974. 1978 U.S. President Carter signed a bill that restored full U.S. citizenship rights to Confederate President Jefferson Davis. 1979 Mother Teresa of India was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. 1987 U.S. First Lady Nancy Reagan underwent a modified radical mastectomy at Bethesda Naval Hospital in Maryland. 1989 An earthquake measuring 7.1 on the Richter Scale hit the San Francisco Bay area in California. The quake caused about 67 deaths, 3,000 injuries, and damages up to $7 billion. 1994 Israel and Jordan initialed a draft peace treaty. 1994 The Angolan government and rebels agreed to a peace treaty that ended their 19 years of civil war. 1997 The remains of revolutionary Ernesto "Che" Guevara were laid to rest in his adopted Cuba, 30 years after his execution in Bolivia. 2000 In New York City, Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum opened to the public. The 42nd Street location joined Tussaud's other exhibitions already in London, Hong Kong, Amsterdam and Las Vegas. 2001 Israel's tourism minister was killed. A radical Palestinian faction claimed that it had carried out the assassination to avenge the killing of its leader by Israel 2 months earlier. 2001 Pakistan placed its armed forces on high alert because of troop movements by India in the disputed territory of Kashmir. India said that the movements were part of a normal troop rotation. 2001 Italian priest Giuseppe "Beppe" Pierantoni was kidnapped by the terrorist group the "Pentagon." He was released on April 8, 2002. 2003 In the U.S., the Food and Drug Administration approved a drug, known as memantine, to help people with Alzheimer's symptoms. 2003 In Taipei, Taiwan, construction crews finished 1,676- foot-tall-building called Taipei 101. The building was planned to open for business in 2004. 2003 In northwest England, the Carnforth railway station reopened as a heritage center. 2016 Do smiled. 
 

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