Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, April 20 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100 You can use it for anything you want. Offer expires on 4/22/2018 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida boy, 14, paid Scottish hooker $480 for sex Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, April 20 in 1902 Scientists Marie and Pierre Curie isolated the radioactive element radium. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910 _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Linda for this story: My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often he turns to me for advice. Recently, I was in the shower when he poked his head in to ask, "What should I feed Lily for lunch?" "That's up to you," I replied. "There's all kinds of food. Why don't you pretend I'm not at home?" A few minutes later, my cell phone rang. I answered it to hear my husband asking, "Yeah, hi, Honey. Uh..what should I feed Lily for lunch?" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST Count every "F " in the following text: ---- FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS... (SEE BELOW) ---- HOW MANY ? ...................... 3? ***************************** WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke. READ IT AGAIN ! Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down. The reasoning is: The brain cannot process "OF". Incredible or what? Go back and look again!! Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius. Three is normal, four is quite rare! Send this to your friends. It will drive them crazy! And keep them occupied for several minutes _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sarah_McGill, Orlando, Florida Florida boy, 14, paid Scottish hooker $480 for sex A hooker from Scotland is free on bond from the Orange County Jail after police said she had sex with a 14-year-old boy she met online. Sarah McGill, who investigators said used the fake name Sophia Belle online, still had her makeup and her pearl earrings on when she got booked into the Orange County Jail on Saturday night. On Monday, McGill faced a judge, who ordered she have no contact with the victim and not to advertise any services on any websites. The judge also had McGill's passport taken away. Police said a 14-year-old boy staying at the Courtyard Marriott in downtown Orlando went to the Quora.com website and found his way to McGill's prostitute alter ego. Police said he and McGill began to text and the two met in a room at the hotel. After police said the teenager successfully completed his transaction with McGill, the teenager's father somehow found out his son had paid a woman $480 to spend an hour with her. He was not impressed. According to a report, McGill told a detective the victim appeared to be younger than 18 years old. McGill was charged with lewd and lascivious battery. Tech Support Pits From: Klaus Re: Using memory sticks Dear Webby, I have just purchased a 256 MB memory stick which when I plug it into a USB port shows up on my computer as 'USB Disk (J:)'. My question is how do I transfer files onto this memory stick from stuff on the computer and outlook express? Your help in the past has been greatly appreciated. Thanks Klaus Dear Klaus With most memory sticks you simply drag the files and folders to and from it, like it was a floppy or another hard drive. It is very rare that a computer does not see and recognize them. Have FUN DearWebby Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".. "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's me husband?" "That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jaysus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee." Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. *Sixteen Steps to Build a Campfire* 1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers. 2. Bandage left thumb. 3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments 4. Bandage left foot. 5. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand) 6. Light Match 7. Light Match 8. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match. 9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire. 10. Apply burn ointment to nose. 11. When fire is burning, collect more wood. 12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene." 13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns. 14. Relabel can to read "gasoline." 15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood. 16. When thunderstorm has passed, repeat steps. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Man to Ticket Agent: I want to buy a bus ticket for Norwald. Ticket Agent, Searching Book: Norwald? Let me find that. Hmm... never heard of it. Let me see... Norwald. I don't see Norwald listed, and I can't find it on the map. Just where is Norwald, anyway? Man: Over there. He's my brother-in-law. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Soap Scum If you use liquid soap in your bath and shower instead of bar you will not have as much soap scum. The paraffin in the solid soap helps cause the scum buildup. By Carol Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Seababy for this story: Two very elderly friends, Max and Wally, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Wally didn't show up Max didn't think much about it, figured maybe he had a cold or some such. But after Wally hadn't shown up for a week or so Max really got worried. However, the only time they ever got together anymore (they used to play a lot of golf together) was at the park, and Max couldn't remember where Wally lived so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month passed and Max figured old Wally had gone to his heavenly reward, but one day Max approached the park and, lo and behold, there sat Wally! Max was very excited and happy to see him and told him so! Then he said, "For crying out loud Wally, what happened to you???" Wally replied, "I have been in jail." "Jail???," cried Max!! "What in the world for???" "Well," Wally said, "You know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where we sometimes get coffee?" "Yeah" said MAX, "I remember her. What about her?" "Well one day last month she got mad at me and to get even, she charged me with rape. I was so proud of what everyone would think an old fart like me could still do, that when I got into court, I pled 'Guilty'. The judge then took a good look at me and gave me 30 days for perjury." | Unidentified Museum Objects, Vol. III. Think you can identify any of these objects? I couldn't! |
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this story: Hillary and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it, but couldn't. The aged bovine was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists. About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick. "What happened to you," asked Hillary? "Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, the wife gave me the wine and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate love to me!" "My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary. The driver replied, "Just the truth. I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm Hillary's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The rest happened so fast, I couldn't stop it." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, April 20 in 1534 Jacques Cartier, a French explorer, set sail from St. Malo to explore the North American coastline. 1653 In England, Oliver Cromwell expelled the Long Parliament for trying to pass the Perpetuation Bill that would have kept Parliament in the hands of only a few members. 1657 English Admiral Robert Blake fought his last battle when he destroyed the Spanish fleet in Santa Cruz Bay. 1689 The siege of Londonderry began. Supporters of James II attacked the city. 1769 Ottawa Chief Pontiac was murdered by an Illinois Indian in Cahokia. 1775 American troops began the siege of British-held Boston. 1792 France declared war on Austria, Prussia, and Sardinia. It was the start of the French Revolutionary wars. 1809 Napoleon defeated Austria at Battle of Abensberg, Bavaria. 1837 Erastus B. Bigelow was granted a patent for his power loom. 1861 Robert E. Lee resigned from U.S. Army. 1865 Safety matches were first advertised. 1879 First mobile home (horse drawn) was used in a journey from London to Cyprus. 1902 Scientists Marie and Pierre Curie isolated the radioactive element radium. 1916 Sir Roger Casement landed in Ireland to incite rebellion against the British. Casement, a British diplomat, was captured within hours and was hanged for high treason on August 3. 1919 The Polish Army captured Vilno, Lithuania from the Soviets. 1940 The First electron microscope was demonstrated by RCA. 1942 Pierre Laval, the premier of Vichy France, in a radio broadcast, establishes a policy of "true reconciliation with Germany." 1945 Soviet troops began their attack on Berlin after the US had bombed it into the stone age. 1945 During World War II, Allied forces took control of the German cities of Nuremberg and Stuttgart. 1953 Operation Little Switch began in Korea. It was the exchange of sick and wounded prisoners of war. Thirty Americans were freed. 1961 FM stereo broadcasting was approved by the FCC. 1962 The New Orleans Citizens' Council offered a free one-way ride for blacks to move to northern states. 1967 U.S. planes bombed Haiphong for first time during the Vietnam War. 1971 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the use of busing to achieve racial desegregation in schools. 1972 The manned lunar module from Apollo 16 landed on the moon. 1981 A spokesman for the U.S. Navy announced that the U.S. was accepting full responsibility for the sinking of the Nissho Maru on April 9. 1984 Britain announced that its administration of Hong Kong would cease in 1997. 1985 In Madrid, Santiago Carillo was purged from the Communist Party. Carillo was a founder of Eurocommunism. 1987 In Argentina, President Raul Alfonsin quelled a military revolt. 1988 The U.S. Air Forces' Stealth (B-2 bomber) was officially unveiled. 1989 Scientists announced the successful testing of high-definition TV. 1991 Mikhail Gorbachev became the first Soviet head of state to visit South Korea. 1992 The worlds largest fair, Expo '92, opened in Seville, Spain. 2018 Do smiled. |
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