Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, June 17 Tomorrow is Father's Day! Happy Fathers Day to all fathers out there! Fathers Day in da hood Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida woman stole $93,000 from city to help finance butt lift and shopping trips.  Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 17 in 0362 Emperor Julian issued an edict banning Christians from teaching in Syria. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress. --- Mark Twain (1835 1910) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A young army doctor was stationed at a remote dispensary in the South Pacific. One day he was puzzled about treatment for one of his patients. He radioed a base hospital: 'Have case of beriberi. What shall I do?' A prankster got hold of the message. This was the reply: 'Give it to the Marines. They'll drink anything.' __________ (Beriberi = symptoms of thiamine (vitamin B1) deficiency) _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ From 2005 BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Los Angeles  Major power disruption in Los Angeles  Los Angeles Major power disruptions throughout the city of Los Angeles. According to the L.A. Fire Department, tens of thousands of people were trapped on escalators and at pedestrian crossings. White and black Americans view the power disaster in starkly different ways, with more blacks viewing race as a factor in problems with the federal response, according to a CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll. More blacks than whites said they were angry about the government's slow response to the problem, and the blatant discrimination against blacks, non-smokers and the poor. According to polls conducted by CNN and AOL, President Bush is one target of their ire. CNN expects the inevitable looting caused by the Bush administrations failure to deal with the power disaster to start by mid afternoon, and has booked extra advertising for the evening broadcasts. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture.   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor and by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Natwaina Clark, 33, Gainesville, Florida  Florida woman stole $93,000 from city to help finance butt lift and shopping trips.  What would you do for the booty? A Florida woman has been charged with felony larceny and felony scheme to defraud after she stole more than $93,000 from the city of Gainesville, according to the Gainesville Sun. Natwaina Clark, 33, used her city credit card 136 times for unauthorized charges totaling roughly $61,000, her bosses' cards for $31,000, and stole her coworker's card for nearly $900. She used the money to fill up her PayPal account, buy a large television, go on a food shopping spree at Sam's Club, and get a Brazilian butt lift totaling $8,500, among other miscellaneous purchases. A former city staff specialist, Clark began improperly using the cards in November of 2015 and continued until March of this year. She was fired on March 21 and arrested a week later on the 28th while vacationing on a cruise ship. A Florida woman has been charged with felony larceny and felony scheme to defraud after she stole more than $93,000 from the city of Gainesville, according to the Gainesville Sun. Natwaina Clark, 33, used her city credit card 136 times for unauthorized charges totaling roughly $61,000, her bosses' cards for $31,000, and stole her coworker's card for nearly $900. She used the money to fill up her PayPal account, buy a large television, go on a food shopping spree at Sam's Club, and get a Brazilian butt lift totaling $8,500, among other miscellaneous purchases. A former city staff specialist, Clark began improperly using the cards in November of 2015 and continued until March of this year. She was fired on March 21 and arrested a week later on the 28th while vacationing on a cruise ship. What Is A Hosted Call Center Content Hub Hosted call centers are growing in popularity thanks to the diverse range of benefits that they offer companies of all sizes. Ad by Primus For Business The city first noticed the charges after its parks, recreation and cultural affairs department overspent its budget. Until then, the department failed to properly review its expense reports. The human-resources department also failed to alert others about Clark's criminal history, which included arrests for similar charges in a separate Florida county where she still had an outstanding warrant. All of this could have been avoided, according to an internal report by the city, if human resources had done the necessary background check for all new employees.  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Maria Re: Vacation hold Dear Webby, I was just wondering if there's way to put my humor letter "on hold". Next week I'm going on a long vacation and as much as I love reading the humor, I'm trying to minimise the amount of e-mail waiting for my return, so other then unsubscribing and then re-subscribing, do you have any suggestions? I'm not very versed on computer applications so please be gentle. Thanks! Maria  Dear Maria Unsubscribing definitely works, but there is a more elegant solution. Simply make a mailbox and call it HUMOR, then make a filter that filters everything with "Humor:" in the subject line or that is from "humor@webby.com" into that mailbox without cluttering up your IN box. That way, if you do have extra time later, you can skim through there and see what arrived while you were on vacation. It will also build you a nice archive of jokes and goofy pictures. Have FUN! DearWebby    Thanks to Dianne for this story: Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day and he done run outa night crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wif a big frog in his mouf. He knowed dat dem big bass fish like dem frogs, so he decided to steal dat froggie. Dat snake, he be a cotton mouf water moccasin, so he had to be real careful or he'd git bit. He snuk up behin' dat snake and grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole snake din't lak dat one bit. He squirmed and wrap hisself roun Boudreaux's arm try'n to git hisself free. But Boudreaux, he had a real good grip on his haid, yeh. Well, Boudreaux pried his mouf open and got de frog and puts it in his bait can. Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or he's gonna bite him good, but he had a plan. He reach into de back pocket of his bibs and pulls out a pint a dat moonshine likker. He pour some drops into de snake's mouf. Well, dat snake's eyeballs kinda roll back in his haid and his body go limp. Wit dat, Boudreaux toss dat snake into de bayou. Den he goes back to fishin. A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin tappin on his barefoot toe. He slowly look down and dare wuz dat water moccasin wif two more frogs! 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com How to Roast a Cheap Cut of Beef  By Bobbie [166 Posts, 11 Comments] I found this information very useful and have used it often to prepare a chuck roast and also a round roast. Both cuts of meat are on sale often here in Texas. It doesn't matter how inexpensive the chuck or sirloin roast, if it turns out so tough and flavorless that no one will eat it, it was no bargain at all. But a bad experience doesn't mean you should shy away from those thrifty cuts. It means you need to learn how to prepare even the cheapest cuts of beef so you can expect perfect results every time. The three economy cuts of beef roast are chuck, sirloin and round. The chuck is fattier and somewhat tender, while the round is lean and relatively tough. The sirloin falls somewhere in between. While you can get away with buying cheap meat, you cannot scrimp on the equipment: You'll need a meat thermometer and an oven thermometer (evenIf you trust your oven's temperature gauge) because exact temperatures are the key to the best results. With what you'll save on your meat tab, you'll have more than enough to invest in the thermometers (about $5 each). The following steps are for chuck, sirloin and round cuts of varying size, although 2 to 5 pound roasts are ideal and will produce the best results. Tie the roast with white cotton string at 1-1/2 inch intervals. Tying the roast tightly makes it compact and shaped evenly, promoting even roasting. Season with salt and pepper and place the roast in a roasting pan, uncovered. Place the meat thermometer in the roast so the tip reaches the center of the thickest part. Set the oven thermometer inside the oven close to the pan. Roast at 250 degrees F until the internal temperature of the roast reaches 110 F.. Plan on approximately 25 minutes per pound, but watch the thermometer, not the clock. It will vary according to the shape and density of your roast and the amount of fat. Without removing the roast from the oven, increase the oven temperature to 500 F until the internal temperature reaches 130 F (medium rare).  Remove the pan from the oven and allow the meat to rest for 20 minutes. The roast will be succulent, tender, juicy and more flavorful than it would be if you had prepared it using any other cooking method. If you have sufficient roast left over (you'll need about 1 pound to prepare the following to serve six), you will find it even better the second time around served as a wonderful Salad of Cold Roast. To 1 cup of purchased vinaigrette salad dressing, add a dollop of Dijon-style mustard and mix well. Carve the beef into thin slices. Place the slices on a large pie plate or platter, and pour about 3/4 cup dressing over the beef, with a sprinkling of thyme. Allow to marinate for several hours (if you have time), basting several times. Line a serving platter with lettuce leaves that have been tossed with a spoonful or so of the vinaigrette. Mound 2 to 3 cups potato salad in the middle. Place the beef slices around the potatoes, and decorate the platter with such items as tomatoes, hard-boiled eggs, black olives, rings of red onions and fresh parsley. By Bobbie G from Rockwall, TX  ____________________________________________________ 

voice activated elevator

>From Manin Dear Webby: How about this one... He grabbed me by my slender neck I could not yell or scream He took me to his bedroom Where we could not be seen He tore aside my wrap and gazed upon my form I was cool and chilly He was nice and warm He pressed his feverish lips to mine and drank my very life away he made me what I am today... AN EMPTY, BOTTLE OF BEER !!!! Cheerio Manin ___________________________________________________

What an amazing carving from a single tree!

A Sunday school teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old Testament bible story. As she moved around the class, she saw many wonderful drawings being created. Then she came to Little Johnny, who had drawn a man driving an old car. In the back seat were two passengers, both scantily dressed. The teacher said, "It's a lovely picture, Johnny, but which bible story does it tell?" Little Johnny seemed surprised at the question and said, "Well, it says in the bible that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury. And THAT is a '59 Plymoth Fury just like grampa has on blocks in the weeds!"

Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________ In a train carriage one day were two small boys and a middle aged woman reading a book. The two small boys were having a deep heated discussion on the subject of spelling. Its spelled ' W-W-W-W-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-B-B-B-B '" "No its not. It's spelled 'W-W-W-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-B-B-B'" The lady leans over and says "Excuse me, but I think you'll find its spelled 'W-O-M-B'". First little boy replies "Nah, that is you, but we are talking about a hippopotamus farting underwater!"

 Today, on June 17, in 0362 Emperor Julian issued an edict banning Christians from teaching in Syria. 1579 Sir Francis Drake claimed San Francisco Bay for England. (California) 1775 The British took Bunker Hill outside of Boston. 1789 The Third Estate in France declared itself a national assembly, and began to frame a constitution. 1799 Napoleon Bonaparte incorporated Italy into his empire. 1837 Charles Goodyear received his first patent. The patent was for a process that made rubber easier to work with. l1848 Austrian General Alfred Windischgratz crushed a Czech uprising in Prague. 1854 The Red Turban revolt broke out in Guangdong, China. 1861 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln witnessed Dr. Thaddeus Lowe demonstrate the use of a hydrogen balloon. 1872 George M. Hoover began selling whiskey in Dodge City, Kansas. The town had been dry up until this point. 1876 General George Crook's command was attacked and defeated on the Rosebud River by 1,500 Sioux and Cheyenne under the leadership of Crazy Horse. 1879 Thomas Edison received an honorary degree of Doctor of Philosophy from the trustees of Rutgers College in New Brunswick, NJ. 1885 The Statue of Liberty arrived in New York City aboard the French ship Isere. 1912 The German Zeppelin SZ 111 burned in its hangar in Friedrichshafen. 1913 U.S. Marines set sail from San Diego to protect American interests in Mexico. 1917 The Russian Duma met in a secret session in Petrograd and voted for an immediate Russian offensive against the German Army. (World War I) 1924 The Fascist militia marched into Rome. 1926 Spain threatened to quit the League of Nations if Germany was allowed to join. 1928 Amelia Earhart began the flight that made her the first woman to successfully fly across the Atlantic Ocean. 1930 The Smoot-Hawley Tariff Bill became law. It placed the highest tariff on imports to the U.S. 1931 British authorities in China arrested Indochinese Communist leader Ho Chi Minh. 1932 The U.S. Senate defeated the bonus bill as 10,000 veterans massed around the Capitol. 1940 The Soviet Union occupied Lithuania, Latvia, and Estonia. 1940 France asked Germany for terms of surrender in World War II. 1941 WNBT-TV in New York City, NY, was granted the first construction permit to operate a commercial TV station in the U.S. 1942 Yank, a weekly magazine for the U.S. armed services, began publication. The term "G.I. Joe" was first used in a comic strip by Dave Breger. 1944 French troops landed on the island of Elba in the Mediterranean. 1944 The republic of Iceland was established. 1950 Dr. Richard H. Lawler performed the first kidney transplant in a 45-minute operation in Chicago, IL. 1953 Soviet tanks fought thousands of Berlin workers that were rioting against the East German government. 1963 The U.S. Supreme Court banned the required reading of the Lord's prayer and Bible in public schools. 1965 Twenty-seven B-52's hit Viet Cong outposts but lost two planes in South Vietnam. 1970 North Vietnamese troops cut the last operating rail line in Cambodia. 1985 Judy Norton-Taylor was photographed for "Playboy" magazine. 1991 The Parliament of South Africa repealed the Population Registration Act. The act had required that all South Africans for classified by race at birth. 2017 Do smiled.

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