Humor: Videos in WORD

By Webby.com received 6 months ago

Categories: Humor
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Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, July 11 _____________________________________________________ Today, July 11 1533 Henry VIII, who divorced his wife and became head of the church of England, was excommunicated from the Catholic Church by Pope Clement VII. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
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Today's Bonehead Award: Floriduh business rival tampered with ice cream, busted for picking nose, spitting into containers ! ! ! ! _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. --- Andy Warhol _____________________________________________________ "The Jewish people have observed their 5758th year as a people." the teacher informed his class. "Consider that the Chinese have observed only their 4695th. What does this mean to you?" After a reflective pause, Little Johnny volunteered, "Well for one thing, the Jews had to do without Chinese food for 1063 years ______________________________________________________` Read the label to the end, not just the red circled part! _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jung Soon Wypcha, 66, Indiajn Shores, Florida Business Rival Tampered With Ice Cream, busted for picking nose, spitting into containers A rival business owner spit, picked her nose, and urinated into containers at an ice cream parlor next door to the Florida food market she operates, according to police. Investigators allege that Jung Soon Wypcha, 66, was caught on videotape engaging last month in a series of vile acts at Lu Lu's Ice Cream shop in Indian Shores, a town about 20 miles west of St. Petersburg. Wypcha, who runs the Indian Shores Food Mart, was arrested yesterday and charged with tampering with consumer products and criminal mischief, both felonies. Pictured at right, Wypcha was released late last night from the Pinellas County jail after posting $55,000 bond. Wypcha, cops say, ruined more than $2000 worth of ice cream, forcing the shop's owners to close for several days. According to a complaint affidavit, Wypcha was caught in the act on multiple days last month. On June 17, she was recorded using the shop's bathroom with the door wide open on five separate occasions. After failing to wash her hands, Wypcha proceeded to a freezer holding organic ice cream and puts her hands into the ice cream containers. She was also allegedly recorded picking her nose and then placing her hands into the ice cream, as well as opening the freezer door and spitting into the ice cream containers. On June 22, Wypcha sought to use the shop's bathroom, but found it locked. She then allegedly urinated in a bucket used to churn Lu Lu's homemade ice cream. Wypcha subsequently emptied the bucket into a sink used to wash the ice cream folding utensils and mixing bowls. The ice cream shop has reopened. Wypcha obviously needs 20 years in the cooler, or the nut farm. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Donna Re: Videos in WORD Dear Webby Thanks so much for the great newsletter that brightens each of my days. Your advice about moving the motion detector is spot on, as usuaql. We had the same problem until a very expensive security professional came to look at it. He used exactly the same words as you did, and fixed the problem like you suggested, simply moved the motion detector to the corner. How did you know so much about motion detectors? I have a W10 and just this past week, I can no longer open any attachments on the emails I receive. I get the message "Real Player cannot play the file. The Player might not support the file type or a required codec might not be installed on your computer." Can I just go to one of the sites for Real Player and do a new download? Always appreciate your expertise. Donna Dear Donna I used to be a security Systems installer and trouble shooter before I got sidetracked by computers. Some of those download invitations are probably phony, but if you go to the genuine Real Player site, you should be safe. You can also get Windows Media Player and make that your default media player. That has worked fine for me for the last 10 years or so. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Coral Gables , Miami (IPP) - The National Hurricane Center (NHC) in Coral Gables, Florida announced this morning that Ebonic names will be given to hurricanes in 2019. They have decided to do this in the interest of maintaining a fair and balanced list of names issued to tropical cyclones. The list of names for 2019 is: Aquanita, Bactrin, Chetiqua, Duanita, Equandolyn, Floce, Genatren, Halibasha, Ignitia, Jartrovious, Kendrick, Kracheeta, Latreena, Machoda, Niqueesha, Oranjello, Pecola, Robitussin, Six-Pak-4-Sure, Tywana and Zneeta.
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>From Betty In our Anglican Church, each service begins with a greeting. The officiating clergyman says, "The Lord be with you." The congregation used to respond by saying, "And with thy spirit." But, with the modernizing of the liturgy, the minister now says, "The Lord be with you." and everyone responds with, "And also with you." One Sunday a visiting bishop went to a church where the sound system was known to be old and unreliable. As he approached the microphone, he tapped it several times and finally said, "There's something wrong with this!" Without hesitation the whole congregation answered faithfully, "And also with you." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Saving Energy When Using Your Oven Any time you open your oven the temperature drops 25 to 30 degrees (Fahrenheit). If you want to peek at the dish you are baking, use the window on the door and oven light instead. When you are done baking, leave the door open to allow the excess heat to warm your home. thriftyfun.Com The oven heat will heat your house even with the door closed. It just comes out the vent in the door and at the back of the stove. You can't save it for next week by keeping the door closed. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Mesmerizing Physics Demonstration
___________________________________________________ A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of her old blue jeans. Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she asked her husband, "Honey, do these jeans make me look like the side of the house?" "No, dear, not at all," he replied. "Our house isn't blue," he quipped as he ducked out the door. ___________________________________________________ A n t i b o y o t i c s When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up. __________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
>From Donna: I downloaded Windows Media Player this morning and it works great! As always thanks for the expert advice. It is so nice of you to give us all this great advice in addition to providing such a great newsletter each day. I can't remember how I found your site, but this makes this second time that you have solved one of my problems and I am most appreciative. Donna ___________________________________________________
Today, July 11 in 1346 Charles IV of Luxembourg was elected Holy Roman Emperor in Germany. 1533 Henry VIII, who divorced his wife and became head of the church of England, was excommunicated from the Catholic Church by Pope Clement VII. 1708 The French were defeated at Oudenarde, Malplaquet, in the Netherlands by the Duke of Marlborough and Eugene of Savoy. 1742 A papal decree was issued condemning the disciplining actions of the Jesuits in China. 1786 Morocco agreed to stop attacking American ships in the Mediterranean for a payment of $10,000. They did anyway, which led to the US Marines getting organized. 1798 The U.S. Marine Corps was formally re-established by "An Act for Establishing a Marine Corps" passed by the U.S. Congress. The act also created the U.S. Marine Band. The Marines were first commissioned by the Continental Congress on November 10, 1775. 1804 The United States' first secretary of the treasury, Alexander Hamilton, was killed by Vice President Aaron Burr in a duel. 1864 In the U.S., Confederate forces led by Gen. Jubal Early began an invasion of Washington, DC. They turned back the next day. 1918 Enrico Caruso recorded "Over There" written by George M. Cohan. 1934 U.S. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt became the first American chief executive to travel through the Panama Canal while in office. 1962 The first transatlantic TV transmission was sent through the Telstar I satellite. 1972 U.S. forces broke the 95-day siege at An Loc in Vietnam. 1977 The Medal of Freedom was awarded posthumously to Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. in a White House ceremony. 1979 The abandoned U.S. space station Skylab returned to Earth. It burned up in the atmosphere and showered debris over the Indian Ocean and Australia. 1985 Dr. H. Harlan Stone announced that he had used zippers for stitches on 28 patients. The zippers were used when he thought he may have to re-operate. 1995 Full diplomatic relations were established between the United States and Vietnam. 1998 U.S. Air Force Lt. Michael Blassie, a casualty of the Vietnam War, was laid to rest near his Missouri home. He had been positively identified from his remains that had been enshrined in the Tomb of the Unknowns in Arlington, VA. 1999 A U.S. Air Force jet flew over the Antarctic and dropped off emergency medical supplies for Dr. Jerri Nelson after she had discovered a lump in her breast. Nelso was at the Amundsen-Scott South Pole Research Center. 2000 Liam Neeson broke his pelvis after hitting a deer with his Harley Davidson motorcycle. 2019 Do smiled.
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