Dear Webby's Humor Letter
widely read, forwarded, copied and imitated daily since 1994
Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994
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  Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, Oct 20 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!  __________________________________________________  Thank you, Rock!!!! Thank you, Donald! ______________________________________________________ History: Today, Oct 20, in 1935, Mao Zedong arrived in Hanoi after his Long March that took just over a year. He then set up the Chinese Communist Headquarters. __________________________________________________ Q It is a far, far better thing to have a firm anchor in nonsense than to put out on the troubled sea of thought. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ BONEHEAD AWARD Delray Beach Woman, 70, Pulls Down Pants, Jailed For DUI _______________________________________________________ >From DS The story of the kid and the "bullboards" reminds me of the time when we were driving through L. A. and our six year old kid, who was just learning to read, saw some of those yellow triangular construction signs and said, "Hey Dad, watch out, it says 'CONFUSION AHEAD'!" ________________________________________________________   _______________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ An old lady went to the grocery store. She was searching the isles for a special product that had come on the market. It was similar to the toilet paper but these special wipes provided an aloe vera coating that soothed after wiping. Anyway, the old woman could hardly see. She was searching through the spices and more section, thinking that the wipes were found there. Picking up a yellow box, she squinted at its name. "Yep," she said, "these must be them." Making her way to the register, she paid for them and went home. Later, that afternoon, she tried the wipes and found them satisfactory. Her oldest son came home that day and found the box she had bought in the bathroom. Thinking that his mother must have been mistaken and placed them in the bathroom by accident, he took the box into the kitchen. Seeing the box on the counter, she said, "Son, these belong in the bathroom. These are special wipes and they don't belong here. They're called "Butt-A-Wipes". Shaking his head, he gently informed his mother. "No, Mother, these aren't those kind of wipes. These are wipes for basting chicken and turkeys. These are called "Butter Wipes", and they are certainly not used for that!" The old woman blanched, realizing that she had made a mistake. "Well," she said, "they did leave me squeaky clean!" _________________________________________________   Cobus Dreyer ___________________________________________________ >From Joe One of the side effects of Viagra is a headache. Every time I take a pill, my wife gets a headache ___________________________________________________ >From Georgina One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!" Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!" ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Tara RE: W10 drops Chrome Dear Webby My Chrome and various other programs keep dying while I get coffee or am busy with something else. Yes, I am on W10, unfortunately. And somebody is going to go to hell from all the cussing I send their way! That had never happened in 20 years on W7. Is there any way to fix that W10 problem? Tara  Dear Tara Microsoft has detected that you are a devious rebel, who has not bought a new, Chinese made W10 computer, but are using W10 on an old W7 machine. Like the preverbial devil with a pitch fork prodding along crying victims, they are prodding you along towards buying a brand new Chinese made W10 machine. They claim they will stop killing your programs when you do that. You can buy extra RAM and get a computer repair service to install it. That MAY possibly help, but no guarantee. When my good old laptop died, I most definitely did not want to replace it with a W10 machine. Neil, a long time subscriber, sent me to Joel at Computer Rack in Calgary, about 60 miles from here. Joel sold me a W7 machine for $298 (about US$ 200) and put the hard drive from the laptop into it at no extra charge. That new W7 machine works flawlessly, just like the W7 laptop did for 15 or so years. If you are in driving distance, I highly recommend Joel at Computer Rack. I got a chuckle from Joel's price list painted on his store window: W10 computer: $198 W7 Computer $298 Game Computer $398 Have FUN! DearWebby ________________________________________________ Catching her in the act, I confronted our 3-year-old granddaughter, "Are you eating your little sister's grapes?" I demanded. "No," she innocently replied, "I'm helping her share." ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ The Government executive had been complaining to his wife of aches and pains. Neither one could account for his trouble. Arriving home from work one night, he informed her. "I finally discovered why I've been feeling so miserable. We got some ultra-modern office furniture two weeks ago, and I just learned today that I've been sitting in the wastebasket. ____________________________________________ A Bonehead Award Has Been Reported By Rock  Donna Zieminski, 70, Delray Beach, Florida, USA  Delray Beach Woman, 70, Pulls Down Pants, Jailed For DUI  A Delray Beach woman is facing a DUI charge after she allegedly drove into a curb, got out of the vehicle, fell to the ground, pulled down her pants, relieved herself, then told an off-duty cop who watched the whole thing that shed just call AAA. Donna Zieminski, 70, of Via Flora in Delray Beach, is now charged with operating a vehicle while under the influence of alcohol or drugs. The following is part of the narrative filed in the Delray Beach police report obtained by BocaNewsNow.com. The following occurred in the City of Delray Beach, County of Palm Beach, FL. On 10/13/23 at 1840hrs a report of a possible impaired driver was given to the Delray Beach Police Dispatch. The complainant, an off-duty PBSO deputy, was traveling on N. Swinton Ave. and observed a black 2020 Subaru Legacy stike a curb on the side of the roadway. The Subarus front and rear passenger side tires were flat. The Subaru tum eastbound onto NE 16th St. and stop in the 1st block of NE 16th St. The white female driver opened the door and feli out onto the ground. The white female driver told the deputy she was OK and she would call AAA. The white female driver stood up and walked into a nearby residences front yard. The white female driver pulled down her pants and began urinating in the front yard grass. After the white female driver was done urinating, she returned to the Subaru and began driving northbound on N. Swinton Ave. with the two flat tires. The Subaru turned eastbound onto NE 19th St. and stopped in the driveway of 1903 N. Swinton Ave. The off-duty deputy remained on scene until I arrived and conducted a DUI investigation. I met with the white female driver who was sitting in the driver seat of the Subaru. I identifed the white temale driver by her FL DL as Donna Marie Zieminski. The Subarus engine was on and Zieminski was in possession of the vehicle key fob. There was nobody else inside the vehicle. The driver side of the Subaru was at rest against the landscaping. Zieminski, according to the report, had issues completing multiple field sobriety tests. She later provided breath samples allegedly revealing a BAC of .149. A court date is pending. ____________________________________________ Coming out of church, Mrs. Smith asked her husband, "Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?" "I didn't even see her," admitted Mr. Smith. "And that dress Mrs. Davis was wearing," continued Mrs. Smith, "Really, don't tell me you think that's the proper outfit for a mother of two." "I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," said Mr. Smith. "Pauline seems to be pregnant again. Her fifth!" "I did not notice Pauline." "Surely you noticed Julie! She must be over her divorce and either invested in Silicone, or is stuffing her bra!" "Julie who?" "Oh, for heaven's sake," snapped Mrs. Smith. "A lot of good it does you to go to church." _________________________________________________ History On Oct 20, in 1740, Maria Theresa became the ruler of Austria, Hungary and Bohemia with the death of her father, Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI. 1774, The new Continental Congress, the governing body of Americas colonies, passed an order proclaiming that all citizens of the colonies "discountenance and discourage all horse racing and all kinds of gaming, cock fighting, exhibitions of shows, plays and other expensive diversions and entertainment." 1803, The U.S. Senate approved the Louisiana Purchase. 1818, The U.S. and Great Britain established the boundary between the U.S. and Canada to be the 49th parallel. 1827, The Battle of Navarino took place during the Greek War for Independence. 1873, A Hippodrome was opened in New York City by showman Phineus T. (P.T.) Barnum. 1892, The city of Chicago dedicated the World's Columbian Exposition. 1903, A joint commission ruled in favor of the U.S. concerning a dispute over the boundary between Canada and the District of Alaska. 1910, A baseball with a cork center was used in a World Series game for the first time. 1930, "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes" debuted on NBC radio. 1935, Mao Zedong arrived in Hanoi after his Long March that took just over a year. He then set up the Chinese Communist Headquarters. 1942, Pierre Laval told the French labor that they must serve in Germany. 1944, Allied forces invaded the Philippines. 1944, During World War II, the Yugoslav cities of Belgrade and Dubrovnik were liberated. 1947, Hollywood came under scrutiny as the House Un-American Activities Committee opened hearings into alleged Communist influence within the motion picture industry. 1952, The Mau Mau uprising against white settlers began in Kenya. 1957, Walter Cronkite began hosting "The 20th Century." The show aired until January 4, 1970. 1968, Jackie Lee Bouvier Kennedy married Aristotle Onassis. 1984, The U.S. State Department reduced the number of Americans assigned to the U.S. embassy in Beirut, Lebanon. 1993, Attorney General Janet Reno warned the TV industry to limit the violence in their programs. 1994, The website WhiteHouse.gov was launched. 1995, Britain, France and the U.S. announced a treaty that banned atomic blasts in the South Pacific. 2003, A 40-year-old man went over Niagara Falls without safety devices and survived. He was charged with illegally performing a stunt. 2009, European astronomers discover 32 exoplanets. 2023, Do! Smiled. Have Fun Dearwebby 

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