Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, June 2 Today, June 2, I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters will be sent out for June 3, June 4, June 5 Thank you, Micki! ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Indiana drunk tried to sell his crashed car ___________________________________________________ History on this day, June 1, in 1966, Surveyor 1, the U.S. space probe, landed on the moon and started sending photographs back to Earth of the Moon's surface. It was the first soft landing on the Moon. ___________________________________________________ We do not write because we want to; we write because we have to. --- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965) Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) Democracy is 30 kids outvoting the teacher and decidind to go outside and play in the mud. --- Dear Webby (May 20, 1949 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________________ With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight." His wife replied, "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't have time to go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal tonight!" The husband said, "I know all that." "Then why in the world did you invite your friend for supper tonight?" asked the wife. The guy answered, "Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married." ___________________________________________________ A company was encountering so many errors, they were thinking of buying a computer to blame them on. ___________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Jordon Mattingly, 30, Evansville, Indiana, USA  Indiana drunk tried to sell his crashed car  An Evansville, Indiana man was arrested on several charges Monday after police say he damaged his SUV in a DUI crash then tried to sell it at a local dealership. Police say it all started on Monday around 5:00 p.m., when numerous 911 calls were made about someone in a silver SUV driving erratically around the city. One caller said the driver had crashed into a median and gotten a flat tire, and that they were possibly intoxicated. Officers said they caught up with the driver when they were called a local car dealership, where an employee said a drunk driver had showed up trying to sell his damaged vehicle. When police got to the dealership, they said that saw the silver SUV with a tire missing and heavy front-end damage. A probable cause affidavit says the officers spoke with the driver and identified him as 30-year-old Jordon Mattingly of Evansville. They said that Mattingly's forehead was red and swollen, and that he had scratches as if he had recently been in a crash. Police say that Mattingly admitted to driving his car to the dealership, and that at first, he claimed he had only drank one beer. They say Mattingly smelled like alcohol, and that he almost fell over several times while being escorted outside. According to police, Mattingly took a breath test and blew a 0.291, which is about 3.5 times the legal limit of 0.08. They say he then admitted to having "a lot" to drink, before saying he had drank four beers. While they were getting Mattingly's vehicle towed, police say the found an alcoholic "Four Loko" drink that was mostly empty, along with two unopened Four Loko drinks and an unopened White Claw. Jordon is son to Evansville native and current Miami Marlins manager Don Mattingly. Police said that after a blood sample was collected at Deaconess, Mattingly was booked into the Vanderburgh County Jail on a $1,500 bond. ___________________________________________________ Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. "Oh Marie," she said to her maid, "I have reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary." "I don't believe it for one minute." Marie snapped. "You're just saying that to make me jealous." ___________________________________________________ if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ =======from Millie F.====== Dear Webby, you are going to get a chuckle outa this: We have always had your Humor Letter on the bulletin board, probably long before I started here 3 years ago. The last two years it was my duty and pleasure to print it and put it up every morning. Because nobody had read the boss's announcements re the long weekend, I was told today that in future all of his announcements be put "right beside the DearWebby Humor Letter, which seems to be the only part of the bulletin board anybody reads". ========= Millie F.======= ____________________________________________________   Doug McQueen May/31 - Foothills S.W. of Calgary - David vs Goliath - Gutsy little Tree Swallow was harassing much larger juvenile Bald Eagle. The Eagle even tried to grab the swallow with it's beak as it flew by. ___________________________________________________ "Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny "can you give me twenty dollars?" "Certainly not." "If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop." His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?" "He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you remind me on Saturday, that it is mom's birthday.' ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250 --- Harper's Index, October 1989 About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. --- Herbert Hoover (1874 - 1964) ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________ A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves-- the barbers were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like." __________________________________________ A doctor told a woman to give her husband one pill a day and one drink of whiskey to improve his stamina. A month later, when she came in for another visit, the doctor asked, "How are we doing with the pill and the whiskey?" And she said, "Well, he's a little behind with the pills, but he's about six months ahead with the whiskey." __________________________________________ My boss wanted a "Clean Desk" policy, so he sent a memo saying that any paperwork left on desks would be removed at night and we would have to fill out a form to get it back. So we left all our trash paper on our desks every night. In a week, the boss had an office full of trash, nobody filled out a retrieval form, and we never heard about the policy again. ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Hermon Re: W7 support mayhem  Dear Webby My computer when crazy after I received the notice that Win7 would no longer be supported. Did all win 7 machines do this. My computer became much slower hunting for a program after I clicked on an icon. Chrome completely quit. I don’t like windows 10, so don't tell me to get a new machine. Whats going on? Hermon in Kentucky  Dear Hermon They did screw aound and did do some sabotage, but not the same for everybody. My W7 machines still works fine. Re "no longer supported hoax": They did did not support it before either. Did you ever get any usable and useful support from them? Didn't think so. Nobody else did either. Be careful, though, with all kinds of wacky stuff pretending to be from Microsoft, but actually just a virus from a scammer. Run a good anti-virus program like MallwareBytes, and most definitely refuse any "alert" that asks you to download anything. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Ode To Spell Checker ----------------------- Eye halve a spelling checker It came with my pea sea It plainly marks four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word and weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My checker tolled me sew. 
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 _____________________________________________ Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by on her way home to speak with his parents. When she rang the bell, Little Johnny answered. The teacher smiled and said, "I'd like to talk to your mother or father." Little Johnny said, "Sorry, but they ain't here." "Little Johnny!" she said, "what is it with your grammar?" And Little Johnny said, "Beats me, but dad sure was mad that they had to go bail her out again!" ______________________________________________ A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" She simply replied, "No peer pressure." ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband explained. "She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts. She communicates well and I act like I'm listening." ___________________________________________________  
 Today, June 2, in 1537, Pope Paul III banned the enslavement of Indians. 1774, The Quartering Act, which required American colonists to allow British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted. It did not go over well. 1793, Maximillian Robespierre initiated the "Reign of Terror". It was an effort to purge those suspected of treason against the French Republic. 1818, The British army defeated the Maratha alliance in Bombay, India. 1835, P.T. Barnum launched his first traveling show. The main attraction was Joice Heth. Heth was reputed to be the 161-year-old nurse of George Washington. 1851, Maine became the first U.S. state to enact a law prohibiting alcohol. 1883, The first baseball game under electric lights was played in Fort Wayne, Indiana. 1886, Grover Cleveland became the second U.S. president to get married while in office. He was the first to have a wedding in the White House. 1896, Guglieimo Marconi's radio telegraphy device was patented in Great Britain. 1897, Mark Twain, at age 61, was quoted by the New York Journal as saying "the report of my death was an exaggeration." He was responding to the rumors that he had died. 1910, Charles Stewart Roll became the first person to fly non-stop and double cross the English Channel. 1924, All American Indians were granted U.S. citizenship by the U.S. Congress. 1928, Nationalist Chiang Kai-shek captured Peking, China. 1930, Mrs. M. Niezes of Panama gave birth to the first baby to be born on a ship while passing through the Panama Canal. 1933, U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt accepted the first swimming pool to be built inside the White House. 1946, Italians voted by referendum to form a republic instead of a monarchy. 1953, Elizabeth was crowned queen of England at Westminster Abbey. 1954, U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that there were communists working in the CIA and atomic weapons plants. 1957, Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev was interviewed by CBS-TV. 1966, Surveyor 1, the U.S. space probe, landed on the moon and started sending photographs back to Earth of the Moon's surface. It was the first soft landing on the Moon. 1969, The National Arts Center in Canada opened its doors to the public. 1969, Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of South Vietnam. 1979, Pope John Paul II arrived in his native Poland on the first visit by a pope to a Communist country. 1985, The R.J. Reynolds Company proposed a major merger with Nabisco that would create a $4.9 billion conglomerate. 1985, Tommy Sandt was ejected from a major-league baseball game before the national anthem was played. He had complained to the umpire about a call against his team the night before. 1995, Captain Scott F. O'Grady's U.S. Air Force F-16C was shot down by Bosnian Serbs. He was rescued six days later. 1998, Royal Caribbean Cruises agreed to pay $9 million to settle charges of dumping waste at sea. 1998, Voters in California passed Proposition 227. The act abolished the state's 30-year-old bilingual education program by requiring that all children be taught in English. 1999, In South Africa, the African National Congress (ANC) won a major victory. ANC leader Thabo Mbeki was to succeed Nelson Mandela as the nation's president. 2003, In the U.S., federal regulators voted to allow companies to buy more television stations and newspaper- broadcasting combinations in the same city. The previous ownership restrictions had not been altered since 1975. 2003, In Seville, Spain, a chest containing the supposed remains of Christopher Columbus were exhumed for DNA tests to determine whether the bones were really those of the explorer. The tests were aimed at determining if Colombus was currently buried in Spain's Seville Cathedral or in Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic. 2003, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that companies could not be sued under a trademark law for using information in the public domain without giving credit to the originator. The case had originated with 20th Century Fox against suing Dastar Corp. over their use of World War II footage. 2003, William Baily was reunited with two paintings he had left on a subway platform. One of the works was an original Picasso rendering of two male figures and a recreation of Picasso's "Guernica" by Sophie Matisse. Sophie Matisse was the great-granddaughter of Henri Matisse. 2022 Do smiled. 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!