Dear Webby's Humor Letter
widely read, forwarded, copied and imitated daily since 1994
Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994
Clean humor and tech tips, updated daily! The Dear Webby Humor Letter is still the best Humor Newsletter and is available in regular HTML and large font HTML for vision impaired readers. The Dear Webby Humor newsletter is sent from a server that has a Listed Sender ID, proper SPF record, and matching forward and reverse DNS. It has an approved privacy policy and full contact information. The Dear Webby Humor Letter is strictly Double Opt-In and is not on any blacklist. No advertising mails are sent from this address or IP number. If you are not receiving your subscription, click here.
Return to Webby homepage Hosting | Software | Contacts | Privacy Policy | About You have a friend @Webby!
High traffic web space on reliable UNIX and Linux servers with the fastest connectivity.
s
Regular HTML version    Click here for Large Print  Subscribe   |   Unsubscribe |  To write to me: DearWebby@webby.com
 
  Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, Sept 20  ___________________________________________________ Q I hate music, especially when it's played. --- Jimmy Durante (1893 - 1980) There are only two ways of telling the complete truth-- anonymously and posthumously. --- Thomas Sowell (1930 - ) If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music. --- Marcus Bridgstocke ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Serial child rapist jailed for life for raping girl 20 years ago ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ History on this day, Sept 20, in 1967, The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) was launched. It went out of service on November 27, 2008. ____________________________________________________ Penis or Internet? Some folks have it, some don't. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong. Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it. It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done. In the long distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time. Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do. It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late. If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses. It has no brain of its own. Instead it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble. It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself, "Why on earth did I do that?" It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before. __________________________________________________   __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ >From Lillemor During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level. He described a typical day this way: Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees. Inspired by the story, the doctor said,You must be one hell of an outdoorsman! NAH,he replied,I'm just a shitty golfer. ___________________________________________________ One of the teachers had a kindergartner come up to her and say that he found a frog. The teacher asked if the frog was alive or dead. The student said it was dead. The teacher asked how he knew. The boy said, "I pissed in it's ear." The teacher said, "You what???" He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said, 'PSST!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead." __________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ One day there were two drunks on a boat drinking beer. All of a sudden, a big storm approached. It tossed the boat from here to there, up and down, left and right. When it passed, the drunks were stranded in a life boat for a few days. Just when they thought it was all over, one of the men spotted a bottle floating next to the life boat. He retrieved it from the ocean and, after giving it a quick rub, a genie popped out. "I am a genie, and I will grant you one wish," said the genie. The man who found the bottle replied, "I wish I had something to drink!" "Granted." The genie disappeared and the ocean became all beer. The other man said, "My God! Do you realize what you have done?" The first man replied solemnly, "Yeah, now we have to pee into the boat." ___________________________________________________ A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road side damage directly across the street from a house of ill repute when they witness a Protestant Reverend lurking about and then ducking into the house. "Would ya look at that Darby!" said Pat. "What a shameful disgrace, those Protestant Reverends sinning in a house the likes of that place! "They both shook their heads in disgust and continued their work. A short time later they watched as a Jewish Rabbi looked around himself cautiously and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one had spied him. "Did ya see that Darby?" Pat asked the other in shock and disbelief. "Is nothing holy to those Jewish people? I just can't understand what the world is coming to these days. A man of the cloth indulging himself in sins of the flesh. Tis a shame, I tell ya!" Not long had passed when they saw a third man, a Catholic Priest, lurking about the house looking around to see if any one was watching and then quietly sneaking in the door."Oh no, Darby look!" said Pat removing his cap.One of the poor girls musta died." _____________________________________________________  DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Amanda Re: Weather site Dear Webby,20-Jan17L.jpg Do you know a reasonably good, free, weather site? All the ones I tried are either no good, or not free. Amanda  Dear Amanda I use the Weather Network You can set various locations as your favorite ones, and see the current weather there, and also 36 hour or 7 day forecasts. You can have favorite locations on different continents. They don't have confusing weather radar pictures, just all the numbers. It is quite civilized. Have FUN! DearWebby ________________________________________________ An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital in Los Angeles, but didn't quite make it. She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $500." He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born on the front lawn. A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived: "Greens Fee: $200." ___________________________________________________ Ole and Lena went to the hospital so Lena could deliver their first baby. As Ole waited in the lobby, the doctor came out to talk to him. The doctor said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you have a normal baby boy. The bad news is that it is a cesarean." Ole started crying, and said, "Vel, I'm glad it is a healthy baby, but I vas kinda hoping it vould be Norvegian." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A golfer who was known for his bad temper walked into the pro shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new set of Woods. The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time - more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back. But the next time he came in, he was all smiles. "They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said. "In fact, I've discovered I can throw them at least 40 yards farther than I could my last ones." _______________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock  John Lyon, 50, In jail for good, London, England.  Serial child rapist jailed for life for raping girl 20 years ago  John Lyon pleaded guilty to repeatedly raping a girl who was just 11 when the abuse began ohn Lyon, 50 serial child abuser has been jailed for life for repeatedly raping an 11-year-old girl 20 years ago. John Lyon has been described by police as a dangerous sexual predator who will always pose a significant risk to children. The 50-year-old was already serving jail time for sexual offences against children, when a further victim came forward to reports a string of incidents to police last January. The woman was just 11 years old at the time Lyon began abusing her in 2001. Detectives began investigating the historic offences from some 20 years ago, collating witness statements and gathering evidence against Lyon, while the woman was supported by specially trained officers. Lyon pleaded guilty to four counts of rape and seven counts of indecent assault at Wood Green Crown Court on June 9. At the same court on Friday, he was sentenced to life imprisonment with a minimum term of 15 years. He had already been jailed for 12 years in 2013, and another 11 years in 2021 for sexual offences against other children. Detective Constable Andri Andreou, who led the most recent investigation, said: There is no doubt John Lyon is a dangerous sexual predator who will always pose a significant risk to children. The safest option for all is that he spends years of his life in prison. The trauma he has caused this victim is so significant that some 20 years on she is still dealing with the aftermath of his actions and the damage he has caused.I do not propose Lyons sentencing will take away that trauma, but I hope it goes someway to helping her, knowing she was listened to, believed and that she has had some justice. I can only thank her for her strength and bravery. I know sharing the details of her trauma were particularly difficult for her and I am grateful she felt able to be so open with me and trusted me with this crucial part of her healing journey. __________________________________________________ History Today Sept 20, in 1519, Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan left Spain to find a route to the Spice Islands of Indonesia. Magellan was killed during the trip, but one of his ships eventually made the journey. 1870, The Papal States came under the control of Italian troops, leading to the unification of Italy. 1881, Chester A. Arthur became the 21st president of the U.S. President James A. Garfield had died the day before. 1884, The Equal Rights Party was formed in San Francisco, CA. 1921, KDKA in Pittsburgh, PA, started a daily radio newscast. It was one of the first in the U.S. 1946, The first Cannes Film Festival premiered. The original premier was delayed in 1939 due to World War II. 1946, WNBT-TV in New York became the first station to promote a motion picture. Scenes from "The Jolson Story" were shown. 1953, The TV show "Letter to Loretta" premiered. The name was changed to "The Loretta Young Show" on February 14, 1954. 1962, James Meredith, a black student, was blocked from enrolling at the University of Mississippi by Governor Ross R. Barnett. Meredith was admitted later. 1963, U.S. President John F. Kennedy proposed a joint U.S.- Soviet expedition to the moon in a speech to the U.N. General Assembly. 1967, The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) was launched. It went out of service on November 27, 2008. 1977, The first of the "boat people" arrived in San Francisco from Southeast Asia under a new U.S. resettlement program. 1982, U.S. President Ronald Reagan announced that the U.S., France, and Italy were going to send peacekeeping troops back to Beirut. 1989, F.W. de Klerk was sworn in as president of South Africa. 1991, U.N. weapons inspectors left for Iraq in a renewed search for Iraqi weapons of mass destruction. 1992, French voters approved the Maastricht Treaty. 1995, AT&T announced that it would be splitting into three companies. The three companies were AT&T, Lucent Technologies, and NCR Corp. 1995, The U.S. House of Representatives voted to drop the national speed limit. This allowed the states to decide their own speed limits. 2023, Do smiled. Thanks to Jean for sending this picture:  

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Go to TOP
Well, Do , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter



If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name,
or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me.
I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly
from then on.

If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't
have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me.
I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request.

To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com

If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription.
If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/sub.html
You can also UNsubscribe there.

If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter,
please unsubscribe by clicking the link below:
You are currently subscribed to the Regular HTML version with this address:
newsletter@newslettercollector.com
UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular HTMLversion

.
Subscribe    |   Give a Gift Subscription    |   Unsubscribe
Click here for Large Print
Go to TOP
You can un-subscribe from this list by clicking this link: http://webby.com/magiclist/index.cgi?act=u&l=humor2&email=newsletter@newslettercollector.com