Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, August 28 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead award Attempted murder suspect assaults deputies after returning to crime scene ___________________________________________________ Q No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why. --- Mignon McLaughlin The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself. --- Sir Richard Francis Burton (1821 - 1890) ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ History: 1939, The first successful flight of a jet-propelled airplane took place. The plane was a German Heinkel He 178. 1985 The original Xerox 914 copier was presented to the Smithsonian Institute's Museum of American History. Chester Carlson was the man who invented the machine. ___________________________________________________ Men and women compared: NICKNAMES -If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. -But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out for a coffee, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head, and Useless. EATING OUT -When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually want change back. -When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. And they split the change to the penny MONEY -A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. -A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. BATHROOMS -A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. -The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. (Not identifiable to most men) ARGUMENTS -A woman has the last word in any argument. -Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. CATS -Women love cats. -Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. FUTURE -A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. -A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. SUCCESS -A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. -A successful woman is one who can find such a man. MARRIAGE -A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. -A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. DRESSING UP -A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. -A man will dress up for weddings, funerals. NATURAL -Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. -Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING -Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. -A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. MISTAKES -Any married man should forget his mistakes. -There's no use in two people remembering the same thing. __________________________________________________ Kosta Kostov __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ My six-year-old grandson called his mother from his friend Charlie's house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room. "But, Mom," he said, brightening, "you don't have to worry about buying another one. Charlie's mother said it was irreplaceable." _____________________________________________ In the backwoods of Georgia, a young redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and their elderly country doctor was called out to assist her in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so's I can see what it is I'm doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there." said the doctor, "Don't be in a rush to put that lantern down... I think there's yet another one coming...." Surely enough, in a few more minutes, the old doctor had delivered a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern. It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor in amazement. The bewildered Georgia redneck scratched his head and asked the country doctor, "Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?" ____________________________________________________ Immature Black-Necked Stilt Frank Lake, Blackie, AB _____________________________________________________ A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right. He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," she said. With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!!" ___________________________________________________ >From DS The story of the kid and the "bullboards" reminds me of the time when we were driving through L. A. and our six year old kid, who was just learning to read, saw some of those yellow triangular construction signs and said, "Hey Dad, watch out, it says 'CONFUSION AHEAD'!" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A marmot in Kananaskis, half an hour southwest of here. When I grew up in the alps in the 50s, we learned in school that Neanderthals learned from the marmots how to make hay to feed the animals in winter, and that that was the first step of conscious, deliberate agriculture and real learning. This picture of a marmot haying reminded me of that. ___________________________________________________ An old lady went to the grocery store. She was searching the isles for a special product that had come on the market. It was similar to the toilet paper but these special wipes provided an aloe vera coating that soothed after wiping. Anyway, the old woman could hardly see. She was searching through the spices and more section, thinking that the wipes were found there. Picking up a yellow box, she squinted at its name. "Yep," she said, "these must be them." Making her way to the register, she paid for them and went home. Later, that afternoon, she tried the wipes and found them satisfactory. Her oldest son came home that day and found the box she had bought in the bathroom. Thinking that his mother must have been mistaken and placed them in the bathroom by accident, he took the box into the kitchen. Seeing the box on the counter, she said, "Son, these belong in the bathroom. These are special wipes and they don't belong here. They're called "Butt-A-Wipes". Shaking his head, he gently informed his mother. "No, Mother, these aren't those kind of wipes. These are wipes for basting chicken and turkeys. These are called "Butter Wipes", and they are certainly not used for that!" The old woman blanched, realizing that she had made a mistake. "Well," she said, "they did leave me squeaky clean!" _______________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Barb RE: Web Speed Dear Webby My Internet is getting slower and slower. How do I check the actual speed, without blaming it on my computer? I want to know what it is before I start yelling at my ISP. Barb Dear Barb You can try OOKLA https://www.speedtest.net/ and even embed that into your browser, so that you can cconveniently test at any time. It will just be a little icon at the top. You hit that, and it will do a test. Also. a really easy to remember test is atv Fast.com There are many others, but those two are the most popular ones. One thing to keep in mind is that most of those speed tests just measure the speed between your computer and your ISP Often, like for example in my case, I got forced to connect to fibre, even though I definitely did NOT want to. Telus disconnected my DSL and connected fiber, even though I most strenuously objected. The speed to the ISP is still the same as with the old DSL, but actual traffic to web sites is usually very slow, slower than it had been with DSL.. The bottle neck is the ISP. Unfortunately the yuppies in this part of town like tall trees. That prevents me from connecting to Elon Musks StarLink. Starlink needs unobstructed free sight to the cruising satellites. If I could afford a 150 foot mast, I would jump to Elons Star Link in a second. Or less! Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _______________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Troy Rush, Baltimore, Maryland, USA Attempted murder suspect assaults deputies after returning to crime scene A family apartment turned into an attempted murder scene when investigators say a suspect entered the front door and opens fire. Investigators believe Troy Rush fled to the greater Baltimore area after shooting a man in eastern Maryland nearly three weeks ago. Now the U.S. Marshals Service needs your help tracking him down. On Aug. 11, 2023, in a small town across the Chesapeake Bay, police were called to the Brittany Bay Apartments in Rock Hall, Kent County, after reports someone had been shot. "He pulled out a firearm and shot him directly in the chest," said Al Maresca, deputy marshal with the U.S. Marshals Service. According to the U.S. Marshals Service, that man was 46-year- old Troy Rush. "So the preliminary facts gathered during the investigation indicate that Rush was involved in drug trafficking at the time the offense took place," Maresca said. "He went over to an apartment complex to allegedly conduct the transaction. Apparently, there was a conflict between him and the victim." The conflict turned violent when investigators say Rush pulled out a gun and shot the victim in the chest inside the apartment. Rush fled while the victim was flown to Shock Trauma in Baltimore. Miraculously, he survived his injuries. But Rush was nowhere to be found until days later when investigators say he was spotted right back at the same apartment complex. Police are called, but things once again turned violent. "Not only did Rush resist arrest, but he actually physically assaulted the deputies," said Maresca. Rush once again fled the scene. "Rush has extensive community ties to the Rock Hill community. However, since that time, and given the presence of law enforcement in the search for him in that area, law enforcement believes he's actually in the wind. There's a very good chance that due to his propensity to be involved with other criminal activity, he's hiding out somewhere in Baltimore, Maryland," said Maresca. Rush is believed to be armed and dangerous. "The firearm that was involved in the case has not been recovered," said Maresca. Investigators say Rush has a lengthy criminal history with previous arrests for drug possession, assault and fleeing from police. Court records also show he now has three warrants out for his arrest: this attempted murder, the assault on officers and also for violating his probation. "This individual specifically took it upon himself to shoot another person in the chest. Not only does that demonstrate that he has a propensity for violence, but when approached by law enforcement, he physically assaulted police. Consequently, we believe it is the interest of public safety to get him off the street," said Maresca. Rush stands at about 5 feet 9 inches and weighs approximately 130 lbs. __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today August 28, in 1609, Delaware Bay was discovered by Henry Hudson. 1619, Ferdinand II was elected Holy Roman Emperor. His policy of "One church, one king" was his way of trying to outlaw Protestantism. 1774, The first American-born saint was born in New York City. Mother Elizabeth Ann Seton was canonized in 1975. 1830, "The Tom Thumb" was demonstrated in Baltimore, MD. It was the first passenger-carrying train of its kind to be built in America. 1833, Slavery was banned by the British Parliament throughout the British Empire. 1907, "American Messenger Company" was started by two teenagers, Jim Casey and Claude Ryan. The company's name was later changedto "United Parcel Service." 1916, Italy's declaration of war against Germany took effect near the end of World War I. 1917, Ten suffragists were arrested as they picketed the White House. 1922, The first radio commercial aired on WEAF in New York City. The Queensboro Realty Company bought 10 minutes of time for $100. 1922, The Walker Cup was held for the first time at Southampton, NY. It is the oldest international team golf match in America. 1939, The first successful flight of a jet-propelled airplane took place. The plane was a German Heinkel He 178. 1941, The Football Writers Association of America was organized. 1963, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., gave his "I Have a Dream" speech at a civil rights rally in Washington, DC. More than 200,000 people attended. 1972, Mark Spitz captured the first of his seven gold medals at the Summer Olympics in Munich, Germany. He set a world record when he completed the 200-meter butterfly in 2 minutes and 7/10ths of a second. 1990, Iraq declared Kuwait to be its 19th province and renamed Kuwait City al-Kadhima. 1995, The biggest bank in the U.S. was created when Chase Manhattan and Chemical Bank announced their $10 billion deal. 1996, A divorce decree was issued for Britain's Charles and Princess Diana. This was the official end to the 15-year marriage. 1998, The Pakistani prime minister created new Islamic order and legal system based on the Koran. 2004, George Brunstad, at age 70, became the oldest person to swim the English Channel. The swim from Dover, England, to Sangatte, France, took 15 hours and 59 minutes. 2008, In China, the Shanghai World Financial Center officially opened. The observation decks opened on August 30. 2014, Google announced its Project Wing. The project was aimed at delivering products across a city using unmanned flying vehicles. 2023, Do smiled.
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