Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, January 28 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Bank robber did a suicide by cops  ___________________________________________________ Today, January 28 in 1521 The Diet of Worms began, at which Protestant reformer Luther was declared an outlaw by the Roman Catholic church. ____________________________________________________ _ Boxing is just show business with blood. --- Frank Bruno Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner ____________________________________________________ _ The case concerned a will and Kelly was a witness. The attorney asked:"Was the deceased in the habit of talking to himself when he was alone?" "I don't know," said Kelly. "Come now man, you don't know and yet you pretend you were intimately acquainted with the deceased?" "Well, Mr. Lawyer," said Kelly, "I never happened to be with him when he was alone. " ____________________________________________________ _ Car rental brochure, Tokyo: WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE, THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR. Dry cleaner's, Bangkok: DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS. _____________________________________________________   Fukuoka, Japan ___________________________________________________ Kim was telling her friend how she gets her son out of bed in the morning. "I just open his door and toss the cat on his bed. He sleeps with his dog." __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award has been earned by  Joshua Van Machado, 43, Visalia, California, USA  Bank robber did a suicide by cops  Shortly after receiving the first calls of a robbery at Tri Counties Bank at around 11:30 Wednesday morning, Visalia Police dispatchers gave responding officers a description of the suspect and his vehicle. The man left the bank with an unknown amount of cash, and it was reported that he might have had a gun in his coat pocket. Shortly after receiving the first calls of a robbery at Tri Counties Bank at around 11:30 Wednesday morning, Visalia Police dispatchers gave responding officers a description of the suspect and his vehicle. The man left the bank with an unknown amount of cash, and it was reported that he might have had a gun in his coat pocket. "Suspect's going to be a taller male with a beanie that's getting into a white pickup," a dispatcher says in scanner traffic Action News obtained from Broadcastify. A few minutes later, a patrol officer spotted a truck matching the description near Santa Fe and Walnut, and pulled the suspect over a few blocks to the west, near Court and Laura. Other officers also arrived on scene for the felony traffic stop. Shortly after receiving the first calls of a robbery at Tri Counties Bank at around 11:30 Wednesday morning, Visalia Police dispatchers gave responding officers a description of the suspect and his vehicle. The man left the bank with an unknown amount of cash, and it was reported that he might have had a gun in his coat pocket. "Suspect's going to be a taller male with a beanie that's getting into a white pickup," a dispatcher says in scanner traffic Action News obtained from Broadcastify. A few minutes later, a patrol officer spotted a truck matching the description near Santa Fe and Walnut, and pulled the suspect over a few blocks to the west, near Court and Laura. Other officers also arrived on scene for the felony traffic stop. A man was shot and killed by police officers during a traffic stop after being a suspect in a bank robbery in Visalia on Wednesday. "The suspect got out of the vehicle," Visalia Police Chief Jason Salazar said. "He turned and faced the officers at which time they observed that he had a black handgun in his possession. As the suspect began to move the handgun towards their direction, the officers fired several rounds at the suspect after giving him commands to drop the firearm." The man dropped to the ground after being hit, but Salazar says he still had the gun in his hand. Officers, including a hostage negotiator, told him to drop it and surrender, but they say he didn't respond to those commands. "At one point the suspect picked the gun up again, pulled it up towards the air, and additional shots were fired by the officers," Salazar said. But Salazar says the man still wouldn't let go of the gun, so officers had to open fire a third time. "At some point he again moved the firearm towards the officers at which time additional shots were fired," Salazar said. "After that the suspect was no longer responding." Officers detained the suspect and gave him CPR, but he died. Salazar doesn't believe the suspect ever fired his weapon, which was found at the scene. He says it was a tragic incident, but he's thankful no one else was hurt. "I will say it was excellent work on the part of the officers that were involved," he said. "A scary incident at the bank with an armed robbery that occurred there, but good work by the patrol officers who were able to identify the suspect vehicle, see him, get in and be able to make the stop."  
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From:Janice Re:Wet mouse  Dear Webby My grandson unplugged my mouse and dropped into his soup. It is a wired laser mouse. Should I replace it, or can it be used again? Janice  Dear Janice Just rinse it, dry it, and plug it back in. I would bet that it will work OK. Have Fun! DearWebby 
 By the time the sailor pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded with a proprietor, "or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant -- an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Navy man assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the sailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me." 
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 Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man must marry the first woman's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the second woman. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law." ____________________________________________ "I have to tell the truth," a young man said to his new girlfriend. "While we've been dating, I've been secretly seeing a psychiatrist." "Don't worry about it," the girl told her boyfriend. "I've been secretly seeing a lawyer and a car salesman." ____________________________________________ Joe went to a strip mall the other day. He sure was disappointed. Everybody else was dressed. ____________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribeIf you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ___________________________________________________  
 Today Jan 28 in 1521 The Diet of Worms began, at which Protestant reformer Luther was declared an outlaw by the Roman Catholic church. 1547 England's King Henry VIII died. He was succeeded by his 9 year-old son, Edward VI. 1788 The first British penal settlement was founded at Botany Bay. 1807 London's Pall Mall became the first street lit by gaslight. 1871 France surrendered in the Franco-Prussian War. 1878 The first telephone switchboard was installed in New Haven, CT. 1902 The Carnegie Institution was established in Washington, DC. It began with a gift of $10 million from Andrew Carnegie. 1909 The United States ended direct control over Cuba. 1915 The Coast Guard was created by an act of the U.S. Congress to fight contraband trade and aid distressed vessels at sea. 1916 Louis D. Brandeis was appointed by President Wilson to the U.S. Supreme Court, becoming its first Jewish member. 1918 The Bolsheviks occupied Helsinki, Finland. 1935 Iceland became the first country to introduce legalized abortion. 1945 During World War II, Allied supplies began reaching China over the newly reopened Burma Road. 1958 Construction began on first private thorium- uranium nuclear reactor. 1965 General Motors reported the biggest profit of any U.S. company in history. The unions promptly fixed that. 1980 Six Americans who had fled the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran, on November 4, 1979, left Iran using false Canadian diplomatic passports. The Americans had been hidden at the Canadian embassy in Tehran. 1982 Italian anti-terrorism forces rescued U.S. Brigadier General James L. Dozier. 42 days before he had been kidnapped by the Red Brigades. 1986 The U.S. space shuttle Challenger exploded just after takeoff. All seven of its crewmembers were killed. 1994 In Los Angeles, Superior Court Judge Stanley Weisberg declared a mistrial in the case of Lyle Menendez in the murder of his parents. Lyle, and his brother Erik, were both retried later and were found guilty. They were sentenced to life in prison without parole. 1998 In Manilla, Philippines, gunmen held at least 400 children and teachers for several hours at an elementary school. 1999 Ford Motor Company announced the purchase of Sweden's Volvo AB for $6.45 billion. 2002 Toys R Us Inc. announced that it would be closing 27 Toys R Us stores and 37 Kids R Us stores in order to cut costs and boost operating profits. 2021 Do smiled. 
 

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