Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, Oct 21 __________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ History: Today, Oct 21, in 1918, Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words per minute on a manual ypewriter. __________________________________________________ Q The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward. --- John Maynard Keynes (1883 - 1946) There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the labor of thinking. --- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931) ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ BONEHEAD AWARD Arkansas pet rocker jailed _______________________________________________________ In 1990 a woman entered a Haagen-Dazs in the Kansas City Plaza for an ice-cream cone. While she was ordering, another customer entered the store. She placed her order, turned and found herself face to face with Paul Newman. He was in town filming a movie. His blue eyes made her knees buckle. She finished paying and quickly walked out of the store, her heart still pounding. Gaining her composure she suddenly realized she didn't have her cone; she turned to go back in. At the door she again came face-to-face with Paul Newman who was coming out. He said to her, "Are you looking for your ice- cream cone?" Unable to utter a word she nodded yes. "You put it in your purse with your change." Was that YOU? ________________________________________________________ Kamau Wa Kiemo BC, Canada _______________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated Wash. Biol. Surv. until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible." The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service. _________________________________________________ Highway 93 on route to Radium Hotsprings, BC, ___________________________________________________ Used to being the center of attention, Robbie was a little more than jealous of his new baby sister. The parents sat him down and said that now that she was getting older, the house was too small and they'd have to move. "It's no use." Robbie said, "She's crawling good now and she'd probably just follow us." ________________________________________________ A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, & knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I'm not opening the store!" ___________________________________________________ Coming out of church, Mrs. Smith asked her husband, "Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?" "I didn't even see her," admitted Mr. Smith. "And that dress Mrs. Davis was wearing," continued Mrs. Smith, "Really, don't tell me you think that's the proper outfit for a mother of two." "I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," said Mr. Smith. "Pauline seems to be pregnant again. Her fifth!" "I did not notice Pauline." "Surely you noticed Julie! She must be over her divorce and either invested in Silicone, or is stuffing her bra!" "Julie who?" "Oh, for heaven's sake," snapped Mrs. Smith. "A lot of good it does you to go to church." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Fran RE: What is in my computer? Dear Webby How do I find out what all is in my computer without finding the original invoice? Thanks Fran Dear Fran For a short summary hold down the Windos key and hit PAUSE. It may take a while, but that will give you enough information for selling it. If you need ALL the information, use the Belarc Advisor You can print the results for insurance or divorce purposes, if you have plenty of paper, or just view it. The Belarc Advisor works on machines all the way back to XP. Have FUN! DearWebby ________________________________________________ Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish'". --------------- I am a bachelor. Though I have reverted to "UNtamed bachelor", I am not confirmed. Just temporarily, I hope. I firmly believe a woman could tame me again, as long as she does not require a Millionaire. ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out." The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. "Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now." ____________________________________________ A Bonehead Award Has Been Reported By Rock Theodore Morgavan, 55,\Midway, Arkansas, USA Arkansas Pet rocker jailed If the car is a rockin, dont bother knockin'. Because the guy inside may be trysting with a stuffed animal. An Arkansas cop last Sunday morning spotted a suspicious car parked outside a commercial storage facility that has been broken into 16 times this year (and 36 times in 2022). A sheriffs deputy noted that the vehicle in question was seen rocking around 12:45 AM. When the cop looked inside the auto, he spotted Theodore Morgavan, 55, having sex with a stuffed animal. Morgavan, a divorced father of three, lives about a mile away from the storage facility in Midway (pop. 1036). Since Morgavan is on probation, cops were able to search him and his auto without the need for a warrant. According to a probable cause affidavit, that search turned up methamphetamine, a syringe, and two marijuana pipes. Seen above, Morgavan was charged with two felony drug charges and misdemeanor counts of public sexual indecency and possession of drug paraphernalia. At his arraignment today, Morgavan, who is free on $5000 bond, entered a not guilty plea. He is next due in court on October 30. Morgavan was convicted earlier this year on narcotics and theft charges and placed on probation for two years and fined $1690. ____________________________________________ >From Mimi One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas. "Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her. "I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I've come to spend the day with him!" _________________________________________________ History On Oct 21, in 1797, "Old Ironsides," the U.S. Navy frigate Constitution, was launched in Boston's harbor. 1805, The Battle of Trafalgar occurred off the coast of Spain. The British defeated the French and Spanish fleet. 1849, The first tattooed man, James F. O'onnell, was put on exhibition at the Franklin Theatre in New York City, NY. 1858, The Can-Can was performed for the first time in Paris. 1879, Thomas Edison invented the electric incandescent lamp. It would last 13 1/2 hours before it would burn out. 1917, The first U.S. soldiers entered combat during World War I near Nancy, France. 1918, Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words per minute on a manual typewriter. 1925, The photoelectric cell was first demonstrated at the Electric Show in New York City, NY. 1925, The U.S. Treasury Department announced that it had fined 29,620 people for prohibition (of alcohol) violations. 1927, In New York City, construction began on the George Washington Bridge. 1944, During World War II, the German city of Aachen was destroyed and captured by U.S. troops. 1945, Women in France were allowed to vote for the first time. 1950, Chinese forces invaded Tibet. 1959, The Guggenheim Museum was opened to the public in New York. The building was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. 1967, Thousands of demonstrators marched in Washington, DC, in opposition to the Vietnam War. 1983, The Pentagon reported that 2,000 Marines were headed to Grenada to protect and evacuate Americans living there. 1986, The U.S. ordered 55 Soviet diplomats to leave. The action was in reaction to the Soviet Union expelling five American diplomats. 1991, Jesse Turner, an American hostage in Lebanon, was released after nearly five years of being imprisoned. 1993, The play "The Twilight of the Golds" opened. 1994, North Korea and the U.S. signed an agreement requiring North Korea to halt its nuclear program and agree to inspections. 1998, The New York Yankees set a major league baseball record of 125 victories for the regular and postseason combined. 1998, Cancer specialist Dr. Jane Henney became the FDA's first female commissioner. 2003, The U.S. Senate voted to ban what was known as partial birth abortions. 2003, North Korea rejected U.S. President George W. Bush's offer of a written pledge not to attack in exchange for the communist nation agreeing to end its nuclear weapons program. 2023, Do! Smiled. Have Fun Dearwebby
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