Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, March 21 Today in March 21 in 1966, In New York, demolition work began to clear thirteen square blocks for the construction of the original World Trade Center. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Mother accused of doing heroin while giving birth, killing newborn, granted bond ___________________________________________________ Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers. --- William James (1842 - 1910) ___________________________________________________ Q: How can I avoid always being handed other peoples' drooling brats? A: Drop one or two. That worked for me. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town grouch. So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin' to do?" "That will be $100, in advance." The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43." Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells. "I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor. Thanks for the $100. So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith: "What you need is jar number 43..." Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office. ____________________________________________________ Bubba was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client. "Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. "Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe that if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?" He was acquitted. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation. En route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, one paramedic asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?" The old man slowly looked up at him, then gazed out the ambulance window. He slowly turned back to the paramedic and said, "Oh, I'd say about 50, maybe 55." ---------- I had heard that one before and on Feb 27 2011, when I had heart failure while standing in the bank, and an ambulance drove me to the RockyView hospital 64 Miles away, I remembered that and had to laugh. ____________________________________________________ Doug McQueen 6m March 20/2022 - Springbank - windswept Redpoll ___________________________________________________ A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop pretty high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. However, the next morning the kangaroo was out again, just roaming around the zoo. The zoo officials raised the height of the fence to twenty feet. Again, however, the next morning the kangaroo was again roaming around the zoo. This kept on, night after night, until the fence was sixty feet high. Finally, the camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The kangaroo replied, "Probably a hundred feet, unless somebody starts locking the gate at night!" ____________________________________________________ A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight point buck. "Where's Henry?" "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail." "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" "A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry." ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Amanda Malpas, 34, Mobile, Alabama USA Mother accused of doing heroin while giving birth, killing newborn, granted bond The woman accused of shooting heroin while giving birth, killing her newborn, was granted a bond during her first court appearance. Amanda Malpas, 34, was arrested on Thursday and charged with chemical endangerment of a child resulting in death. On Friday, she faced a judge and was granted a $75,000 bond. The baby was born at her home and died the same day at a hospital, according to the Mobile County Sheriffs Office. Investigators told WKRG News 5 Malpas admits to using heroin and meth throughout her entire pregnancy, resulting in the death of her child. In terms of what happened, paramedics were called to her home on Cowart Road on March 5. When they arrived, the female was holding a child, a newly born child that was struggling to breathe, that was barely conscious, said Sgt. Bailey. Paramedics found Malpas with a heroin needle in her arm the day of the birth, Sgt. Bailey said. Sgt. Bailey said Malpas told deputies she self-medicated with heroin during the birth to deal with labor pains. A detective testified in court on Friday that Malpas had used heroin the same day she gave birth and is believed to have smoked methamphetamine a day or two before she went into labor. The detective also testified the baby was breathing when she was born but was in distress. First responders performed CPR, but the baby later died at a local hospital. Malpas already has two other children who are not in her custody. The sheriffs office says she knew she was pregnant with her third child about 6 months ago. The judge ordered if Malpas does make her bond, she is required to check into a 90-day inpatient treatment center within 24 hours of being released from jail. Her arraignment has been set for March 23. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Lena Re: Why not Linux Dear Webby, You used to be a lot more enthusiastic about Linux. What happened? Lena Dear Lena Nothing changed. Linux is still much more powerful and a lot faster than Windows, and way more powerful than Mac. And it is a hundred times faster and more relible thn W10. The big difference is that you have been using Windows for about 35 years. Yes, I remember! It would be unrealistic to expect that you learn that 35 years worth of UNIX or Linux in a month. If you run a Point Of Sale program at the store, that is on Linux, all you need to learn is that Point Of Sale program, and you don't get a password to get down below. You CAN learn Linux, if you are interested, if you buy one of the dozens of "Linux on a stick" like that Xtra-PC, and get a Penguin (Linux fan) to coach you. It is not difficult, just slightly different. Kids all learn it in college and university nowadays, and most get as good at it as their gramma is on Windows. If you are interested, go for it! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________ Two men were talking one day. "My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the garden market," said the first man. "So were you able to find some?" the second man, asked. "Well when I got to the market, I asked the produce clerk, 'These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?' "The produce clerk said 'No, you'll have to do that yourself.' " | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Two husbands, Bill and Doug, were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were argument sometimes. Then Bill said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word." "Wow!" said Doug, "How do you manage that?" "It's easy," replied Bill. "My last words are always 'Yes, Dear.'" ______________________________________________ While John and Jill were shopping at a mall, a shapely young woman in a short form-fitting dress strolled by... Johns eyes followed her. Without looking up from the item Jill was examining, Jill asked, "Was it worth the trouble you're in now?" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A young mother finds out she is pregnant again, and she tells the good news to anyone who will listen. One day when the woman and the boy are out shopping, a friend of the mother asks the little boy if he was excited about the new baby. "Oh, yes!" the little tyke says. And having overheard some of his parents' private conversations, he adds, "And I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call it Mary, and if it's another boy we're going to call it Quits." ___________________________________________________ | Today, March 21, in 1349, 3,000 Jews were killed in Black Death riots in Efurt Germany. 1556, Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury, was burned at the stake at Oxford after retracting the last of seven recantations that same day. 1788, Almost the entire city of New Orleans, LA, was destroyed by fire. 856 buildings were destroyed. 1790, Thomas Jefferson reported to U.S. President George Washington as the new secretary of state. 1804, The French civil code, the Code Napoleon, was adopted. 1824, A fire at a Cairo ammunitions dump killed 4,000 horses. 1826, The Rensselaer School in Troy, NY, was incorporated. The school became known as Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute and was the first engineering college in the U.S. 1835, Charles Darwin & Mariano Gonzales met at Portillo Pass. 1851, Emperor Tu Duc ordered that Christian priests be put to death. 1851, Yosemite Valley was discovered in California. 1857, An earthquake hit Tokyo killing about 107,000. 1858, British forces in India lift the siege of Lucknow, ending the Indian Mutiny. 1859, In Philadelphia, the first Zoological Society was incorporated. 1868, The Sorosos club for professional women was formed in New York City by Jennie June. It was the first of its kind. 1871, Journalist Henry M Stanley began his famous expedition to Africa. 1902, Romain Roland's play "The 4th of July" premiered in Paris. 1902, In New York, three Park Avenue mansions were destroyed when a subway tunnel roof caved in. 1904, The British Parliament vetoed a proposal to send Chinese workers to Transvaal. 1906, Ohio passed a law that prohibited hazing by fraternities after two fatalities. 1907, The U.S. Marines landed in Honduras to protect American interests in the war with Nicaragua. 1907, The first Parliament of Transvaal met in Pretoria. 1908, A passenger was carried in a bi-plane for the first time by Henri Farman of France. 1909, Russia withdrew its support for Serbia and recognized the Austrian annexation of Bosnia-Herzegovina. Serbia accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina on March 31, 1909. 1910, The U.S. Senate granted ex-President Teddy Roosevelt a yearly pension of $10,000. 1918, During World War I, the Germans launched the Somme Offensive. 1925, The state of Tennessee enacted the Butler Act. It was a law that made it a crime for a teacher in any state- supported public school to teach any theory that was in contradiction to the Bible's account of man's creation. 1928, U.S. President Calvin Coolidge gave the Congressional Medal of Honor to Charles Lindbergh for his first trans- Atlantic flight. 1934, A fire destroyed Hakodate, Japan, killing about 1,500. 1935, Incubator ambulance service began in Chicago, IL. 1941, The last Italian post in East Libya, North Africa, fell to the British. 1945, During World War II, Allied bombers began four days of raids over Germany. 1946, The Los Angeles Rams signed Kenny Washington. Washington was the first black player to join a National Football League team since 1933. 1946, The United Nations set up a temporary headquarters at Hunter College in New York City. 1955, NBC-TV presented the first "Colgate Comedy Hour". 1957, Shirley Booth made her TV acting debut in "The Hostess with the Mostest" on CBS. 1960, About 70 people were killed in Sharpeville, South Africa, when police fired upon demonstrators. 1963, Alcatraz Island, the federal penitentiary in San Francisco Bay, CA, closed. 1965, The U.S. launched Ranger 9. It was the last in a series of unmanned lunar explorations. 1965, More than 3,000 civil rights demonstrators led by the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. began a march from Selma to Montgomery, AL. 1966, In New York, demolition work began to clear thirteen square blocks for the construction of the original World Trade Center. 1971, Two U.S. platoons in Vietnam refused their orders to advance. 1972, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states could not require one year of residency for voting eligibility. 1974, In London, an attempt was made to kidnap Princess Anne on the Mall. 1980, U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced to the U.S. Olympic Team that they would not participate in the 1980 Summer Games in Moscow as a boycott against Soviet intervention in Afghanistan. 1980, On the TV show "Dallas", J.R. Ewing was shot. 1982, The movie "Annie" premiered. 1982, The United States, U.K. and other Western countries condemned the Soviet intervention in Afghanistan. 1984, A Soviet submarine crashed into the USS Kitty Hawk off the coast of Japan. 1985, Larry Flynt offered to sell his pornography empire for $26 million or "Hustler" magazine alone for $18 million. 1985, Police in Langa, South Africa, opened fire on blacks marching to mark the 25th anniversary of the Sharpeville shootings. At least 21 demonstrators were killed. 1989, Randall Dale Adams was released from a Texas prison after his conviction was overturned. The documentary "The Thin Blue Line" had challenged evidence of Adams' conviction for killing a police officer. 1990, "Normal Life" with Moon Unit & Dweezil Zappa premiered on CBS-TV. 1990, Australian businessman Alan Bond sold Van Gogh's "Irises" to the Gerry Museum. Bond had purchased the painting for $53.9 million in 1987. 1990, Namibia became independent of South Africa. 1991, 27 people were lost at sea when two U.S. Navy anti- submarine planes collided. 1991, The U.N. Security Council lifted the food embargo against Iraq. 1994, Dudley Moore was arrested for hitting his girlfriend. 1994, Steven Spielberg won his first Oscars. They were for best picture and best director for "Schindler's List." 1994, Wayne Gretzky tied Gordie Howe's NHL record of 801 goals. 1994, Bill Gates of Microsoft and Craig McCaw of McCaw Cellular Communications announced a $9 billion plan that would send 840 satellites into orbit to relay information around the globe. 1995, New Jersey officially dedicated the Howard Stern Rest Area along Route 295. 1995, Tokyo police raided the headquarters of Aum Shinrikyo in search of evidence to link the cult to the Sarin gas released on five Tokyo subway trains. 1999, Israel's Supreme Court rejected the final effort to have American Samuel Sheinbein returned to the U.S. to face murder charges for killing Alfred Tello, Jr. Under a plea bargain Sheinbein was sentenced to 24 years in prison. 2000, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that the U.S. Food and Drug Administration had overstepped its regulatory authority when it attempted to restrict the marketing of cigarettes to youngsters. 2001, Nintendo released Game Boy Advance. 2002, In Pakistan, Ahmed Omar Saeed Sheikh was charged with murder for his role in the kidnapping of Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pear. Three other Islamic militants that were in custody were also charged along with seven more accomplices that were still at large. 2002, In Paris, an 1825 print by French inventor Joseph Nicephore Niepce was sold for $443,220. The print, of a man leading a horse, was the earliest recorded image taken by photographic means. 2016, It was reported that the Kepler space telescope had captured the visible light of a "shock breakout" when the star KSN 2011a exploded. It was the first time an exploding star's brilliant flash shockwave had been captured. 2022 Do smiled. |
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